Last Updated on October 4, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
Want to learn how to ask for a girls number? Then this article will give you the last techniques you’ll ever need to learn. Whether you want to get a girl’s number online or face-to-face, there are “best practices” to be followed, and they’re all here.
First off, let’s address the key challenge. Why is it so hard to ask for a girl’s number? It all boils down to two reasons:
- Either you don’t know how exactly to get a woman’s number (We fear what we don’t understand, right?)…
- …Or you’re deathly afraid of offending her or getting rejected.
The best way how to ask for a girl’s number should address both these challenges at the same time. So here’s how it’s done.
10 Steps How to Ask a Girl for her Number?
Before we begin, take note that these 10 steps are the “long way” to get her number. If you want to maximize your success rate with women and have fun along the way, this is how to do it.
That said, it’s not the only way. Later, I’ll show you a shorter, more condensed way to get a woman’s number. It’s something you can use in rowdier, higher-energy situations like parties and social events.
Does that sound good? Then let’s get started with the long, proper way to ask a girl for her number.
Asking a girls number step by step
1. First, Be Confident. It starts well before you walk up to her and introduce yourself. If you’re not a confident guy, you’ll want to work on it while you’re learning how to ask for a girl’s number.
Here’s a good way to build confidence: Talk to people intending to make them laugh. Do small talk, listen to their stories, tell some funny stories.
Find out what people find annoying or off-putting about your personality, and fix it. Learn the traits people like about you and improve them.
What’s all this work for? You’ll want to develop your confidence to where when you approach women, you’ll look like it’s something you do every day. You’ll look cool, calm, in control, and 100% unworried about getting a “No.”
2. Introduce Yourself. This is simple enough. You can say something like: “Hi, can we talk for a minute? I couldn’t help noticing you. My name is Alex.”
The formula for introducing yourself is simple:
- Greet her by asking for a moment of her time.
- Give her a “good reason” for talking to her, like noticing her hat or something.
- Then introduce yourself.
3. Make Small Talk. This third step is why having a good reason to be talking to her is important. You’ll want something to talk about during the first 30-60 seconds of your interaction.
For example, you can start with: “I hope you don’t find it too forward, but I find hats like yours really pretty. And I’ve learned that women who wear hats tend to be interesting. So I had to at least know a little bit about you.”
And then you take a minute, two tops, of just making small talk. Watch the signs that she’s receptive of you, which include:
- She smiles readily at you
- She does slightly more of the talking than you do
- She reveals a personal detail or two
Reading Suggestion: How to let a girl know you are interested?
4. Deepen the Conversation. Just a friendly reminder: Your goal is to get her number. That means your conversation with her shouldn’t take longer than 3-5 minutes tops.
So once she’s warmed up and receptive, deepen the conversation by asking questions about herself. Here are a few good examples you can use:
- “So, (name), are you from around here?”
- “What do you do for a living?”
- “What do you do for fun?”
If you’ve sufficiently warmed her up, she’ll readily answer your questions, even if they’re a bit more personal than mere small talk.
5. Make an Emotional Connection with Her. Listen closely to her answers. Find something you can relate to. That’ll be the next direction your conversation will branch off to.
- “You’re a biologist? That’s interesting because I’m in software. Corporate or academe?”
- “You’re from the town over? I’ve been there—the one with Sky Tower, right?”
The more common ground you build, the stronger the emotional connection you’ll have.
6. Tell Her Stories About Yourself. If she reveals something you can relate to, tell her about it—then tell her a quick story about yourself. As long as you don’t give her too much information, this will build a bit more trust.
You can say:
- “I can totally relate. I loved science since I was little. I promised myself I’d become a scientist one day. I know software sounds boring, but I feel I’m right where I need to be. I think you feel the same way about biology, right?”
- “Your hometown will always have a special place in my heart. One of my most unforgettable memories happened in the Sky Tower—but that’s another story. So you moved here because of work, I’m assuming?”
7. “We Should Hang Out More Often.” If she responds positively to your conversation—that is, she’s smiling, animated, and reciprocative—then that’s your cue to wrap up the conversation.
You can tell her:
- “I like you. We should hang out sometime.”
- “That’s interesting. Can we be friends? I’d like to know more.”
- “This has been fun. Can I be your friend? We should continue this conversation sometime.”
As soon as she responds positively (or even neutrally) to this invitation, take out your phone, give it to her and say:
8. “Let’s Swap Numbers.” Ask her to type in her digits, or you can do it yourself as she tells you her number.
An alternative approach is when, during your conversation, she asked you about your work. You can then say something like:
- “Sure, I can show you my website. What’s your number?”
- “Yup, I can send you a video about my company and the work we do. What’s your number?”
Either way, you get her number, and you achieved your primary goal. Only two more steps to end the interaction on a good note.
9. Send Her a Text After She Does. Or give her a test call. “Just to make sure I got your number right,” you say. If you did, she should receive the text or call.
What if you get the wrong number? Either the number was mistyped, or she deliberately gave you a fake number so she won’t have to talk to you again.
About the latter—when it happens to you, don’t be offended. It’s a standard defense measure for women—it’s a way for them to reject men without making the guys feel too bad.
So when it happens to you, you can just smile and say: “I get it, no worries. So, nice to meet you anyway, and I’ll see you later?”
If she just says, “Yeah, bye,” then take it as a soft rejection. Again, don’t be offended. Smile and move right on to the next one.
Meanwhile, by leaving your last statement as a question, you’re giving her the option to take it back and say, “No, wait, I might have mistyped, here’s my real number…”
And once you have her real number, it’s time for the last step:
Reading Suggestion:Why is she ignoring me if she likes me?
10. “Great, See You Soon.” Time to wrap up the conversation. No matter how well it might be going, thank her for her time and promise to get back to her soon. Ideally, you’ll reach this point with her within 3-5 minutes of approaching her.
Now, what if she says: “No, stay a while,” or “Actually, I’m free right now”? What if she seems unusually eager to spend more time with a stranger like you?
When that happens, be careful. Like it or not, there are some crazy women out there. She could be manipulative, desperate for attention, or a gold digger.
So I suggest you either stay for just a minute or two longer, or simply repeat your promise to call her later and leave. Later that evening, you can make that call and chat with her more, getting a better idea of what she’s really like as a person.
There you have it—the proper 10-step process of getting a girl’s number. Now let’s take a look at its “shortcut” version.
The Fast Way
Yes, there’s also a fast way how to get her number—one that involves fewer steps. It’s more daring and high-risk, so it’s mostly used in social situations like parties, business conventions, and social events.
So here’s the 10-step process, condensed into something you can pull off in 1-2 minutes:
1. Introduce then Socialize. Here, you combine the first few steps of the process. Jump straight from making your introduction to making a connection. This is easy to do when you’re at a party or event, since you instantly have some common ground to share.
For instance, if you’d like to approach a girl at a party, you might say: “Hey, are you a friend of (host’s name)? I’m Alex. You look good.”
If you’re at a bar, you can greet her with: “Hey, what’s up? I’m Alex. What’s your name?” And you have some small talk.
Meanwhile, if you spot her at a business convention, you’ll want a more formal approach. You can say, “Hi, can you tell me about your company? I’m Alex, by the way.” You shake hands, and you have your conversation.
It helps to have a faster process to get her number at events like these, where you’re expected to socialize and meet new people.
2. “Here’s My Number. Remind Me Later.” After making some small talk, go straight for her number. When you’re at a party or social event, you can say: “I like you. Give me your number. We should talk again later.”
If you’re feeling confident, you can say: “I like you. Remind me to get your number later,” then go socialize with other women at the event. If you made a sufficiently good impression on her, she’ll find you later to give you her number.
At business events, it’s even easier—simply ask for her card if she has one. And while reading her card, ask her: “This isn’t your personal number too, is it?”
If she gets the hint and likes you, too, then she’ll subtly give you her personal number as well.
3. “Great, See You Soon.” Likewise, wrap up the conversation after getting her number. Simply say something like: “Nice meeting you. Talk to you again soon.”
And there you have it. That’s the fast way to get her number, compressing 10 steps into three. It’s especially useful in social situations, where even 3 minutes might be too long for an interaction.
Now, let’s talk about the other area of concern: Getting her number online.
Reading Suggestion: She’s not texting me like she used to! What’s wrong?
How To Ask for a Girl’s Number Online?
Events like the COVID-19 pandemic can make it hard to meet new women face-to-face. In such times, people instead go online to socialize. You might have tried meeting women and asking for their number on Facebook (FB), Tinder, and Snapchat.
As great as social media might be, it has one serious flaw: It’s not as fun as the real thing. And so the goal should be to get her number so you can meet later, face-to-face.
The challenge? Most girls meet lots of men on social media. Even average “Plain Jane” types of girls get more than their fair share of male attention on the Internet. So how do you cut through all that noise and get through to her?
Here are some good, proven ways.
How to Ask a Girl for Her Number on FB?
Facebook is quite social, but even then, women there won’t give their numbers to strangers. For best results, you’ll need to have at least a few mutual friends with her before you chat with her.
The first thing you should do is to check if this will be your first online conversation with her. Have you talked with her about something in past?
If you have, then you can use it as an excuse to start a new chat with her.
- You can say: “Hey, about (topic you talked about with her). I had a question…”
- Then have a light conversation with her. Again, keep it very short, aiming to send less than 10 messages total from start to finish.
- Then you can say: “Can I have your number? Let’s continue over text.”
Meanwhile, if you’ve never talked to her before, then you’ll need to start a new conversation. As long as you have mutual friends, there’s a good chance she’ll reply to you.
- You can open the conversation with something like: “Hey, I have a question”
- And you wait for her reply: “Yes?” or “What?”
- Then you finish: “Can I have your WhatsApp? I chat with all my good friends there.”
Bingo—you got her number.
Again, the average female Facebook user is bombarded with messages online, so she may not reply to yours. No worries—simply move on to chat with other women.
Reading Suggestion: 9 Signs a Girl is jealous and likes you
How to Get a Girl’s Number on Tinder?
Compared to Facebook, Tinder is much more sociable. Women on Tinder are expecting to meet new guys. So you can take a more direct approach here.
Make the first move. Message her your number and say: “I’m down to chat.” She can take it or leave it, but once in a while, you’ll get a call.
Here’s another way to get her number on Tinder: Just ask her out. Message her: “Give me your number—let’s meet up this afternoon.”
If she says “No,” you can give her another chance by saying, “Okay, sorry. When I read your profile I thought you were open to meet-ups. I guess not, but no worries. Cheers.”
If she’s really not interested, she’ll let you know. Otherwise, she might say: “No, it’s okay. I’m just not in the mood.” Regardless, you’ve just roped her into a conversation, and if it goes well, ask for her number again later.
Lastly, you can just chat with her about anything. Then, before chat drags on too long, tell her: “I need to go. Give me your number, let’s talk tomorrow.”
The only disadvantage of Tinder is that women there get messages from even more men than on Facebook. So again, be prepared for your fair share of “No’s.” The ones who say “Yes” will make it all worth it.
Reading Suggestion:Why is she flirting with you when she has a boyfriend?
How to Ask a Girl Her Number on Snapchat?
Snapchat is somewhat halfway between Facebook and Tinder. It’s still a social media platform, but most attractive women make it a point to have a Snapchat. The reason? To get messaged by lots of hot men, of course.
To that end, the same approach you’d use on Tinder will work just as well on Snapchat. You can be more direct than you’d be on Facebook, but you can also get her to chat about, say, her latest Snapchat update.
The key to getting a woman’s number online, no matter the platform, is to never be too direct. Don’t say stuff like “Hey, sexy,” or “I love your skin. It’s so smooth.” It’s a fast way to get blocked well before you get a chance to ask for her number.
So keep things simple and straightforward. Accept the fact that relatively few of your messages will get replies. Again, the ones that will can lead to some of the most unforgettable dates you’ll ever have in life.
When She Declines..
Now, to wrap up the article: What should you do if she declines to give you her number? Unfortunately, in most cases, it’s not worth trying to change her mind. She’s simply not interested, and it’s best to leave it at that.
Even if she likes you, there are many reasons why she may not want to give you her number. Perhaps she’s busy and doesn’t like to be disturbed. Maybe she’s not doing the dating thing at the moment. Or maybe the last time she gave out her number, bad things happened. Who knows?
Another reason why she might decline to give you her number is the most obvious one: Maybe she has a boyfriend. Again, that’s not your fault. Just don’t be surprised if she still flirts with you online despite that. It happens sometimes.
Ultimately, it’s always a good practice to ask for women’s numbers, even if you don’t get them most of the time. It builds confidence and charisma, and you won’t be so scared of rejection anymore.
And, yup, every “Yes” makes all of it worthwhile.
Reading Suggestion: 24 Signs She Doesn’t like you anymore