You like her, and you think she’s interested in you. You feel so ready to make the next move in asking her out.
And you’ve already been texting back and forth, so it seems like a no-brainer to schedule your first date that way.
But is it appropriate to do this over a text? Does she want to be pursued with a text message? Or does she want you to ask her out in person?
As it turns out, there isn’t a right or wrong answer for asking a girl out. It depends on the context, your relationship, and what you actually say within the text.
Here’s everything you need to know.
When Is The Right Time to Ask a Girl Out Over Text?
Is it after you’ve been talking for a few days? A few weeks? Do you need a clear sign that she’s into you or wants to take things to the next level?
First of all, there isn’t a perfect time to ask someone out. Relationships all work at different paces.
We’ve all heard of those marriages where a couple meets, gets married just a few months later, and then stays together for 50+ years!
There’s something to be said about feeling confident and moving forward with your intentions. It shows you know what you like and are willing to take initiative to go after it.
But you don’t want to scare a girl off. For example, you probably don’t want to ask someone out after a very brief, one-time message exchange. If you’ve just started texting, you might want to give it a few weeks before approaching the date.
At the same time, you don’t want to drag this out forever. A girl may lose interest or assume that you just want to be friends if you don’t do anything.
She might also find it unattractive if you seem too anxious or shy to actually pull the trigger.
It might be the right time to ask a girl out if:
You are fairly positive she likes you: Of course, there’s always a chance for rejection. But if you two have been talking back and forth regularly and she responds eagerly, that’s a good sign!
You’re somewhat in the banter stage: The banter stage refers to the time of really getting to know one another.
You’re asking each other lots of questions and learning who the other person is. This tends to be a good time to ask someone out.
You’ve already hinted at the idea enough: Many people “talk” about dating without really talking about it. For example, you may have already said something like, Oh, we should totally see that movie when it comes out, or, I’d love to try that place for dinner sometime!
If she’s responded well to those kinds of messages, it means she isn’t turned off by the idea of spending time with you!
You two flirt often: If she’s been more forthcoming and flirtatious over the last few weeks, that’s definitely a positive sign. Most girls won’t just flirt without a reason, especially over text messages.
You are fairly sure that she’s not in a relationship: It may sound obvious, but you should make sure she’s not dating someone else. If she is in a relationship, don’t make her choose.
Even if she flirts with you and badmouths her partner, you’re only going to get yourself involved in a toxic mess. Wait until she’s single or find someone else.
You have some idea of what she likes: The best date ideas are ones that seem mutually interesting to both of you.
While you don’t need to know everything a girl likes, it’s helpful to know if she, for example, hates movies or loves sushi.
You won’t spot any serious warning signs: If you suspect a red flag (she’s cheated on partners in the past, she seems to be manipulative, she’s ghosted you), proceed with caution.
If you choose to ask her on a date, you may get dragged into unnecessary chaos.
How to Build Confidence to Ask a Girl Out?
Do you tend to psych yourself out before you even ask a girl to spend time with you? If so, your dating life may feel like a disaster.
Before learning how to ask a girl out over text, you may need to empower yourself.
Here are some tips:
Remember she probably wants you to take the lead: Although some women prefer taking the initiative when it comes to dating, many of them love being pursued.
Who doesn’t like feeling desired? So keep in mind that she’s probably waiting for you to ask! And if you like her, you need to make it happen.
Commit to a time: It can be helpful to have a concrete plan for asking a girl out. For example, you might tell yourself that you will ask her the next time she reaches out to you.
Ask a friend for guidance: If you have a confident friend who seems to have luck in the dating department, don’t dismiss asking him what has and hasn’t worked.
He may have some expert advice to share with you!
Remind yourself of your good qualities: It’s beneficial to go in with the mentality that you’re worth dating! If you struggle with low self-esteem, it’s time to work on that issue.
Think about all the awesome traits that you possess. Maybe you’re funny, kind, or sensitive. Focus on these qualities as you build the confidence to take the next step.
Don’t overthink it: If you complicate things, you risk talking yourself out of the act altogether. At the end of the day, life is short.
Make the most of it by being bold and brave, even if you secretly feel nervous. Remember that you can’t move things forward if you don’t try to make plans.
Consult with a therapist or dating coach: If past trauma or mental illness gets in the way of your dating, it may be time to seek more structured support.
Talking to a professional can be a great investment for your mental health. You’ll learn more about mastering interpersonal communication, and you’ll likely feel more empowered in your romantic relationships.
Brush up on the art of texting: If you feel confused over emojis or other punctuation marks, or general text etiquette, educate yourself!
Remember less tends to be more (meaning you shouldn’t send a dozen hearts or exclamation points unless that’s exactly how she texts).
Avoid involving other people: This is your work to do. Don’t have a mutual friend try to gauge her interest or ask her out on your behalf.
If you involve other people, she’ll likely see it as you not being confident enough to go after what you really want.
23 Great Ways to Ask a Girl Out Over a Text Conversation
It’s showtime! If you’re ready to move forward, here are some great examples and cute ways you can use to ask her out.
Let’s Get Together Later This Week
This is a straightforward text that exudes confidence and desire. You aren’t making her guess your intentions, and you aren’t even letting her really “answer” the question (because it’s a statement).
This kind of opening message lets her know you’re 100% interested in getting to know her better.
You Look So Good. When Can I Actually See You?
Did she send you a gorgeous selfie? Part of the fun of online dating is that you can flatter her and make her blush with just a quick compliment.
This text message clearly reveals your feelings while also giving her permission to decide when she wants to meet up.
Will You Go to (Specific Event) With Me?
Whether it’s a concert or party, asking her to a specific event is an easy, fun way to ask a girl out. Bonus points if you know it’s an event she’ll like.
Ideally, try to pick something that’s within 1-2 weeks. If it’s longer than that, she may wonder why you haven’t made plans to lock something in sooner.
I Can’t Wait Any Longer. When Can I Take You on a Real Date?
Online dating has its benefits, but one of the downsides is that far too many people spend time texting back and forth rather than intimately getting to know one another.
Your sending this message shows that you’re ready to take things offline. It also puts the ball in her court. Her answer will reveal her sense of urgency in this situation!
Can I Ask You Something Important?
More than likely, she will respond, yes. This interaction sets the stage for you to ask her on an official date.
You’re also not blindsiding her because there’s a good chance she will know your question is leading!
I Want to Take You Out to Dinner
Dinner makes for an easy and romantic first date. It shows that you are serious about your intentions.
If she says yes or seems interested, follow up by asking about a specific date. For example, you might say, Great! How does this Friday work?
I’ve Been Going Back and Forth For A While, But I want to Ask You Something…”
There’s no shame in acknowledging that you’re a little skeptical and nervous. After all, you’re only human!
But you show that you’re ready to dive in gives off a vibe of confidence, and she’ll be hanging on your words.
Before I Say Good Night, I Need to Ask You If You’ll Go Out With Me
This text message is short and sweet, but it goes right to the point. You’re texting late into the night, and this is a cute way to show that you can’t think about going to sleep before you hear back from her!
I Love Texting You, But I Need More
This shows that you’re happy with the current flow of conversation, but it’s not enough! Remember that girls love knowing you want to know them on a deeper level.
Good Morning! I Couldn’t Sleep. I Was Thinking About You All Night
Many girls love waking up knowing that they were on someone’s mind. This text message sets the stage for you to ask her out.
You’re basically giving her all the details about how you feel without being incredibly obvious about it.
Can I Give You a Quick Call and Ask You Something Important?
If you’re more old-fashioned, you might not want to ask a girl out over text. It just may not seem appropriate or romantic enough for you.
But giving her a heads-up is respectful, especially if you two haven’t talked over the phone before.
What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Why hold off what you want? If the energy levels are good and the moment feels right, go for it! Just make sure you’re ready to plan a quick date on the spot!
Can We Continue This Conversation In Person Over Coffee?
This is one of those cute ways to make the most of small talk. Plus, some people find that coffee feels like less pressure than dinner when it comes to planning a date.
I Want To Spend Time Together Do You Want to Hang Out On ____?
This kind of text message implies a date, but it’s casual enough that it also allows her to collaborate on where and when you will go somewhere.
Because you can’t intuit her body language over text, look for direct answers like, yes! or What are you thinking?!
How Would You Feel if I Asked You on a Date Right Now?
Go bold with your text messages! This is one of the best ways to flirt with someone while also being direct with your intention.
Chances are, she’ll say she’d feel excited, flattered, or some other textual equivalent.
What’s Your Must-Have on a First Date?
This is a sly and cute way to ask a girl out over text. It gives you some insight into her preferences and desires. It also, of course, hints at your next move!
What Are We Going to Do This Weekend?
This shows your interest, and it already assumes she’s saying yes to the date. Use this line if you feel practically guaranteed she’ll say yes. Otherwise, you may come across as cocky.
I Have Small Gift For You. When Do You Want to Open It?
This can also be a cute way to show affection. The small gift should be sweet and innocent enough without being over the top.
For example, it might be a candy that you know she likes or a shirt at a concert you went to recently.
Can We Move This Conversation In-Person? What Are You Doing Right Now?
This is another bold text that implies you can’t wait. You need her now, and you want to transition from this text date into an actual, proper date.
Where Can I Take You to Lunch This Week?
This is one of those friendly, open-ended questions that allow her to move forward with accepting your date.
Here’s what will probably happen: She will suggest a restaurant (and your work is done), or she will say, I don’t know. The rest is up to you to decide!
How Many Dates Do You Think You’ll Want to Go On With Me?
This text shows that you know she’s in high demand. It also shows a sense of urgency.
You know what you want, and you’re ready to go after it. It’s flirty enough without being overly direct or aggressive.
I’m Tired of Just Telling You Things Over Text Message
When she asks you what this means, you can go for the bold move of telling her that you’re ready to take her out on a real date.
I Need to Ask You Out Before Someone Else Does!
Hopefully she’ll respond back with something romantic (A lot) or snarky (I don’t know, what do YOU think?). Either way, these are positive reactions!
What to Do If You Receive a Negative Response?
Knowing how to ask a girl out over text can give you the confidence to take things to the next level.
But even if all the signs seemed right, things don’t always go as planned. You may have misread her signals, and she may not want to go out with you.
Or, she might stall and avoid giving you a direct answer (which can also be a softer form of turning you down).
As much as this may hurt, here are some strategies for appropriately dealing with a possible rejection:
Say Something Neutral
- No worries!
- Hey, I totally understand!
- Thanks for being honest.
- It was worth a shot!
These are all great responses to a negative response. They show that you’re mature enough to handle her reaction without making it about yourself.
Ultimately, you don’t want to guilt someone into feeling bad about their honesty. These kinds of simple messages leave your interactions at a high point.
Keep It Short
It’s okay to feel hurt. Rejection is tough!
But now is not the time to send a long-winded message or cute, over-the-top paragraphs. It also isn’t the time for double-texting. These tactics will likely just overwhelm her.
Simple, polite texts, especially short ones, get the point across without displacing your feelings onto someone else.
She’s already turned you down. You don’t want to make your text conversation more awkward. And anything she does at this point will likely only perpetuate more pain.
Some short texts to consider sending back include:
- Thanks for letting me know.
- I appreciate you being honest.
- I get it. Wish you the best!
Even if she turned you down now, you still should strive to leave the conversation on a high note. After all, she may be nervous to start dating.
Or, she may have just ended a relationship and isn’t sure what she wants to do now. The bottom line is that you never know what the future will hold.
You might compliment her by saying:
- I appreciate your honesty. I truly think you’re an amazing person and anyone would be lucky to have you.
- Thanks for letting me know! I only want what’s best for you. That’s what you deserve.
- Either way, I’m really glad we’re friends. It’s so easy to talk to you!
- It’s all good. I really care about you no matter what.
Try to Move On (And Don’t Keep Trying to Tell Yourself She’s Interested)
Don’t push or prod her into explaining herself. If she wants to take things in a different direction, she has that right.
You pestering her probably won’t change her mind, and it will leave her feeling even more annoyed or resentful towards you.
Don’t Badmouth Her
Even if it feels tempting, don’t criticize her to your friends or loved ones. This is disrespectful, and you never know what might get back to her.
Instead, try to keep any conversation kind and mature. Ideally, you should step away from talking to her (unless you genuinely want to stay friends). But if a girl isn’t interested in deepening the relationship, you should reevaluate your motives for texting her.
Asking a girl out over text can seem nerve-wracking, but it’s a great way to move into building a potential relationship.
Most people find it less intimidating than asking someone out in person.
Remember to try to stay confident and keep things light-hearted. At the end of the day, the only real risk is rejection.
But if she likes you, she’ll be so relieved you’re taking that next big step!