Last Updated on December 5, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
It’s hard to believe that only a couple of decades ago, texting was a luxury that only a few people could use. But texting has made things more convenient.
It’s easy to send your friends or family a brief message about something that’s not worth calling over. In the 2020s, texting has become the primary mode of communicating with everybody, including girls.
“How often should you text a girl to keep her interested” is a decision most guys ponder at some point. As a result, texting has become heavily used in the dating world.
It has many unwritten rules, but it helps you get to know someone. And somehow, it takes work to recover if you mess up on the texting front.
How Often Should You Text a Girl?
Often we meet a new person and develop a liking for them. It’s natural for you to want to text her to make plans to connect in real life and also for you to get to know her.
How often you should text her in these early stages depends on how long you’ve been talking to her.
The most important thing is to not appear too pushy or desperate. You don’t want to come on so strong that you scare your love interest away.
Conversely, you don’t want to appear cold or flaky and leave her thinking you’re not interested. You can make or break a relationship based on the number of texts you send at the start.
You only have one chance at getting it right: that’s the reality of modern relationships.
When texting her for the first time, you’ll appeal to a woman’s ability to reason. She’ll use that ability either to respond or hope you’ll go away.
Your first opportunity to secure that attraction will be through a mental portal. You’ll have your foot in the door once you can appeal to her mentally.
You can continue to use texts to build momentum between dates. Or you can use them to flirt and keep her feeling special once you establish your text relationship.
She might be awaiting your first text if she’s given you her number. Send her a simple text within the first couple of hours. Depending on the time, it might be better to wait until late morning.
You can even put it off till the next day if she gave you her number while under the influence. The same goes for if you were at a party where she seemed preoccupied.
Instead, no matter how eager you may be to text her, get your day started in the usual way.
How Often Should You Text a Girl on a Dating App?
Your number of interactions is a delicate matter if you’ve started texting a girl. Whether online or on a dating app, it’s essential to play it cool until you meet her in person.
Bombarding her inbox with texts can make you look desperate.
On the converse, disappearing after two or three messages will ruin your chances of dating her.
So how often should you text a girl you met online? Most men tend to put off sending the first text after they have a match. And when they send one and get a reply, they wait a while to text back.
But is that best practice?
No, it’s not.
You don’t need to wait. Text your love interest as fast as you can. Why? Because it’s best to strike while the iron is hot. She made the first move, so she’s interested.
- Enthusiastic about matching with you
- Holding her phone in her hand
- Likely to respond
The best time to message your dating app match is when she swipes. Here’s the best plan for those early days: always respond to her as soon as she texts you.
Why? Because at that moment, she has her phone in her hand, and there’s a high probability that she’ll reply. If you’re lucky, she’ll text you back, and you’ll have a friendly conversation over text.
According to GQ, the perfect number of messages to send before a date is 12. GQ says these messages should not be the brief, lazy ones favored by cowards.
A “hi” is different from “Hey, I’m Lionel (but I don’t sing). I’m happy to match with you, Darlene. How’s your day going?”
GQ says you should exchange 12 respectable messages. Do you feel she’s put thought into her six messages? Have you done the same with yours?
Do you still have things to talk about? Then say, “I’d love to continue this conversation over drinks. What’s your schedule like next week?”
How Often Should You Text a Girl Before the First Date?
You did an excellent job securing her digits. Bravo! Now you’re pondering how often to text her – and keep her attention – until you meet in person.
You’ll need to nail the timing to increase your response odds. Getting the first text right requires a bit of finesse, and timing is crucial.
You’ll look clingy and needy if you text your love interest within minutes of getting her number. You risk losing her interest if you wait too long.
Send her the first text within one day of getting her number. Your chance of getting a reply drops if you wait longer than 48 hours.
Text her, “Hey Anna, it’s Tony, the charming gentleman you met on Hinge.” The following text will be to confirm the details of the date.
As a rule of thumb, only text her leading up to the date the day prior. Did you ask her out on Monday for a date on Friday? Then refrain from texting her on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Text her on Thursday afternoon to say how pumped you are for the date. Tell her that you look forward to seeing her tomorrow. This text serves as a reminder and ultimate confirmation that the date will take place.
The more you text someone before a first date, the more it can feel like you’re trying to keep them interested. That’s a general rule, though it’s only sometimes valid.
You don’t want to hound them: they’re already going to meet you in person. You don’t need to be mysterious but lay off the constant texting.
How Often Should You Text a Girl After the First Date?
The energy between the two of you and the content of your messages matters.
These things matter more than the frequency of your texts when it comes to messaging after a first date.
You can trust your gut, even if you see others putting great thought and energy into when and how often to text. Once the dynamic is there, you can text as often as you’d like.
Feel free to shoot the first text after the date ends. Or you can check up on your love interest the following day.
The 24-hour rule applies again: you should text her within 24 hours of the first date. Send a basic “thank you” text.
Speak about the things you have in common, or say something nice about the date. Be super casual at this stage. Start slow and then build up your conversations.
“When it comes to texting after a first date, you should text no later than the next day to say you had a great time, or to thank them for their time,” says Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.
“Most people will text within a few hours of arriving home and thank their date.”
Andrea McGinty is a digital dating coach and founder of 33 Thousand Dates. She says that “texting a few hours after the date shows you appreciate the person’s time, and you enjoy their company.”
Another common question is, “Should I send the first text or wait for her?” The answer is simple. You both went on a date. Either of you can text first.
If you’d like to take things further, don’t wait for her to text you. Be sure about your feelings and start your conversation.
How Often Should You Text a Girl You Are Dating?
Texting habits differ from man to man and can also change over time. How much you’re texting is only a tiny piece of the puzzle that indicates your interest in a girl.
You don’t need to send a predetermined number of messages to hold her attention. It’s essential to consider both of your schedules. Then send each other messages when the time feels right.
You shouldn’t overthink it, but go easy and feel the pace of the conversation. Replying with three texts for each one your love interest sends shows you’re too invested and eager.
If she takes an hour to respond, give her a few minutes before messaging. Also, texting her at three in the morning won’t look good unless she’s working the graveyard shift. Whatever you have to say can wait until the next day.
Although you’re not texting on a set schedule, you should have a plan. Was your last date at night? Then wait to message her the next day. Was it in the afternoon? Wait to message her later that evening or even the following day.
By doing so, you’re allowing her to get excited to hear from you. Don’t text her right away to tell her something inconsequential. Instead, give her time to realize she wants to hear from you.
In the case of casual dating, text only a little in the beginning. Texting your future casual partner 2-3 times a week is optimal.
Have you found yourself texting more often? Then, it may be time to have a deep conversation about where your relationship is going.
That might signify a more intense connection than a mere casual relationship.
How Often Should You Text Your Girlfriend?
Nowadays, many people keep in contact via text message. Some people even find it odd if their significant other takes too long to send a text.
It’s up to you to decide what feels right. Why? Because texting etiquette still needs to be fully defined.
You might worry that your girl will think you’re needy if you text her too often. Knowing how often to text a girl is essential. But it would help if you also thought about why you feel driven to do it so often.
Los Angeles-based couples therapist Dr. Gary Brown points out that there are no rules. How often you communicate in a relationship will depend on many factors, including your texting style.
He says, “Every couple is unique, and so there is no hard-and-fast rule about how often you should talk with your partner throughout the day.” You don’t need to be fretting about “should I text my girlfriend every day” as long as you’re both on the same page.
Rob Alex, the co-creator of Mission Date Night and Sexy Challenges, has a different opinion. He says, “Three times is plenty.” If you see each other often, live together, or are married, feel free to text.
Psychologist Nikki Martinez agrees. She says 3–5 texts daily is ideal, “More if there is something specific you need, such as picking something up, directions, or are having a discussion about something,” she says.
That said, most girls expect their guys to text them daily. Try choosing a time during the day when you know your girl is available, so she can respond immediately.
Update her about something that happened to you, ask how she’s doing, or let her know you’re thinking about her. She’ll be happy to see that you messaged her, even if she doesn’t have a chance to respond to you.
For example, you can send something like, “Hi, hi! You’ve been on my mind a ton today. How’s your day going?”
Signs You’re Texting Her Too Much
The Golden Rule of Texting is to Only text twice if you have received an answer. It’s best to wait until you get a text back before you text again.
The following are some signs that you might be texting too often:
- She drops hints, but you don’t pay attention. Have you ever received a text back with a full, long answer? But then she ends it by saying she’s swamped with work or out with friends. That’s something you should pay attention to: it’s a big hint.
- Her answers to your questions are short and to the point. Did you send her ten texts about your travels to Ghana? Then, did you follow up with a question like, “What was your best trip?” And was her reply something like, “I don’t know? I’m not as interesting as you.” Why is she being so unfriendly? It’s because of TMI. You offered her too much information. You’re over-texting, and she’s telling you to chill.
Stop Texting Her If…
You should stop texting a girl if you feel the connection is one-sided and she’s not interested. You should also stop texting if you think she’s only being polite.
In the latter case, you can remove any doubt by asking her. It’s a drastic move, but it allows you to get your answer. It also lets you move on with your life instead of playing games and being neither hot nor cold.
Signs You’re Not Texting Her Enough
Sometimes there are signs that you need to communicate better with each other. Those signs can appear even if your relationship seems fine. Here are some clues:
- Your text ratio is off. Your texting styles may be incompatible. Does your love interest send you 15 texts only to get “K” as a response? Does she ask you to check in with you via text, but you forget? Both are signs that you’re not texting her enough, so step up your game.
- She starts to lose interest. You must show her some interest to avoid losing out to another guy. So, you’ll want her to know you’re thinking of her but aren’t chasing her. Send her a few texts that tie into previous conversations. Try to do it sparingly, and make every text count. If you’d like to ask her out, pay attention to the tempo of your conversations. Request a date only when you think she is comfortable enough with you and will not decline the invitation.
In the End …
Knowing how often you should text a girl to keep her interested is essential. You can waste a lot of time on girls who only want attention. That is why you should immediately show intent and start texting early in the game.
Gauge her interest and be innovative. It’s no use investing time texting when you can approach other girls. So don’t spend all your time trying to attract someone not interested in dating you.
Do you still need clarification about how often you should text a girl to keep her interested? You can always use open and honest communication.
Broach the subject by saying, “Hey, how do you feel about guys texting you daily or sending tons of messages?” And then she’ll tell you.
And you’ll know the answer to how often you should text a girl to keep her interested right from the horse’s mouth.