How Often Do Couples Fight In A Healthy Relationship?

In a healthy relationship, a fight doesn’t mean a screaming match. It involves a mature conversation where both parties talk about the things that bother them.

Healthy couples often fight about responsibilities and chores, not having enough sex and jealousy, and suspected cheating.

If we lived by Hollywood’s rules, all couples would ride off into the sunset together, live the perfect lives, and never have an argument. But that’s not reality.

People in relationships argue because everyone has different opinions and habits, making it impossible for couples to agree on everything.

However, constant fighting in a relationship can become exhausting, especially when it’s about the same thing.

You’ve now got to the point where you’re considering ending things because you don’t think it’s normal to have arguments so often.

Before checking out, keep reading to find out how often couples fight in a healthy relationship. 

6 Reasons Why Couples Have Fights in Relationships

If you’re wondering how often couples fight in a healthy relationship, the answer is often.

They fight for several reasons, such as responsibilities and chores, not having enough sex, jealousy, and suspected cheating. For more insight into how often healthy couples fight, keep reading.

6 Reasons Why Couples Have Fights in Relationships

#1 Couples Fight Often

How often do couples fight in a healthy relationship? According to relationship therapist Maryann Mathai, couples who don’t argue have more to worry about than couples who do.

People who don’t argue show repressed emotions, passivity, and withdrawal from the relationship.

Nevertheless, it is important to mention that not all arguments are healthy. Some are extremely toxic and damaging to the individuals participating in them. 

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Experts state that there is no established number for the amount of times couples argue, although they do agree that healthy couples argue often.

Additionally, it’s not about the frequency of the arguments but how couples argue.

A couple that has one screaming match a week but says the worst things to each other and never comes to a resolution is not in a healthy relationship.

But a couple who argues four times a week in the form of a mature discussion where they both say what they need to say and come to an agreement has a healthy relationship. 

#2 Money and Future Plans

A survey conducted by the Cashlorette discovered that 48% of American couples, whether married or living together, said most of their disagreements are about spending habits.

Money and Future Plans

Typically, one person overspends, and the other is too cheap. They also argue over dishonest spending, and who should bear most of the financial responsibilities.

If you and your partner argue about money a lot, resolve the issue quickly because studies have found that one of the leading causes of divorce is over money issues.  

#3 Not Having Enough Sex

The man generally feels he is not getting enough sex in the relationship and that the woman uses sex as a weapon against him. When couples are not having sex, there is always an underlying cause.

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There are several reasons, including the woman is no longer physically attracted to her partner, the man is emotionally disconnected from the woman, or there are undiagnosed health issues that have caused a slump in sex drive. 

#4 Jealousy And Suspected Cheating

The root cause of jealousy is often insecurity. One person feels they are not good enough for their partner and gets upset when they interact with the opposite sex.

Jealousy And Suspected Cheating

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This leads to paranoia and accusations of cheating. Things such as going out alone with friends, staying late at work, or speaking on the phone become a problem. All of which leads to constant screaming matches that are never resolved. 

#5 Responsibilities And Chores

Housework and responsibilities around the home can become a major problem if expectations are not voiced. For example, a man can’t expect his partner to do all the housework if they both have full-time jobs.

And if there is an agreement set in place over who should do what in the home, both parties must keep their word.

A messy and disorganized house leads to frustration and what often happens is that they both get tired of picking up after each other that they just stop. Now you have two miserable people living in an untidy house. 

#6 The Children

The children can cause arguments in a relationship when one parent is a strict disciplinarian and the other is more lenient.

Arguments can revolve around the fear that the children will grow up with a sense of entitlement because they weren’t appropriately disciplined.

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The Children

Or an overly strict environment will cause the child to resentful and rebellious. The kids know which parent they can manipulate and will play the game accordingly to get what they want.

Arguments about children should be resolved quickly because that’s one problem that’s not going away any time soon. 

How Often Should Couples Have Arguments

Couples should have arguments when they need to. As mentioned, a passive relationship where couples don’t argue isn’t healthy.

You must get it off your chest immediately if something is bothering you.

How Often Should Couples Have Arguments

Don’t leave it to fester, or it will resurface at a later date, and it won’t be pretty.

On the other hand, you don’t need to argue about everything, don’t be petty. There are some issues that you can let slide. 

When Does Fighting Become A Red Flag In A Relationship?

Fighting becomes a red flag in a relationship when it gets physical, emotionally abusive, or it turns into manipulation. Keep reading to find out why. 

When Does Fighting Become A Red Flag In A Relationship?

#1 When It Gets Physical

Anger is a natural human emotion; however, what a person does when they get angry is important. People with anger issues act out whether it’s through violence, aggression, shouting, or vindictive behavior.

An angry person will continue acting in this way until they’ve dealt with the root cause of their anger, and it often has nothing to do with their partner. It typically stems from childhood trauma; nevertheless, if a man or a woman puts their hands on you, it’s time to say goodbye.

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A shove into the wall today can turn into a punch in the face tomorrow and murder the following week. Don’t stay in a physically abusive relationship no matter how much your partner promises to change. 

#2 When It Gets Emotionally Abusive

According to the experts, emotional abuse is more common than physical abuse. Additionally, people are more likely to stay in emotionally abusive relationships because it’s subtle and often goes undetected until it’s too late.

Emotional abuse targets the mind. The abuser mentally beats the person down until they have lost all sense of self, they have no self-esteem, and it becomes impossible to leave.

When It Gets Emotionally Abusive

Signs you are in an emotionally abusive relationship include your partner making demands that are difficult for you to fulfill, and expecting you to cancel your plans at a moment’s notice because what they need is more important. 

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Demanding that you stop socializing with friends and spend all your time with your partner or criticizing everything you do. 

Additionally, you’re in an abusive relationship if you feel worthless, depressed, misunderstood, confused, or anxious whenever you interact with your significant other.  

#3 When It Turns Into Manipulation

Are you feeling guilty and confused, and you don’t know why? It may be because your partner is manipulating you. Psychological manipulation is about attempting to control another person’s feelings, thoughts, and behavior.

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Continuous manipulation leads to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Like emotional abuse, manipulation is subtle and difficult to detect, but you can feel it.

When It Turns Into Manipulation

Signs that your partner is manipulating you include you are always doing things you don’t want to do, you are always accused of ruining things because of something you said or did, you start doubting your abilities because your partner is constantly accusing you of not doing things properly.

You feel guilty about doing the things you enjoy because you’re always told they’re boring. Or you feel like you can’t act yourself around your significant other because they are always criticizing your personality. 

How Do I Stop Fighting With My Partner?

If you’re both tired of fighting and want to end it, it’s possible if you’re willing to make an effort.

You can do so by working on your communication skills, letting some things slide, and finding out the underlying cause of your arguments. Keep reading to find out how to stop fighting with your partner.

How Do I Stop Fighting With My Partner 

#1 Work On Your Communication Skills

Many couples argue because they don’t know how to communicate properly. Communication is a skill, and when it’s used properly, it can be a powerful tool in conflict resolution.

There are plenty of books and YouTube videos on communication skills. But a good place to start is understanding that males and females communicate differently. For example, women like to vent, and men like to solve problems.

Work On Your Communication Skills

So when a woman comes home complaining about her manager, she may just want you to listen and empathize with her. Instead, the man will start giving her advice on how to rectify the situation.

A Conversation like this can quickly turn into an argument as the woman expresses her annoyance with her partner’s inability to listen. 

#2 Let Some Things Slide

Being petty causes unnecessary arguments. There is no need to complain about every last thing. You can ignore some things and accept that is the way it is.

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Let it go if it’s not affecting your mental health. For example, you might not like how your partner draws the curtains every night at a certain time, whether it’s dark or not. Instead of arguing about it, let it slide. 

#3 Find Out The Underlying Cause

Some arguments stem from unresolved issues, whether in the relationship or because of childhood trauma. Whatever it is, it’s important that you get to the root of the problem, or you’ll keep arguing about the same things until one of you gets fed up and leaves.

Find Out The Underlying Cause

For example, your partner cheated several years ago, and you chose to stay in the relationship. However, you never really got over it, and it manifests in jealousy every time they go out.

Your partner going out alone triggers you, so you start an argument before they leave the house and when they get back. Or, your mother abandoned you when you were six, and now you’ve got abandonment issues, and you feel insecure about the relationship, leading to constant arguments. 

#4 Work On Yourself

Many people get into a relationship expecting the other person to make them happy. First, it never works out that way, and second, that’s the wrong approach.

Instead, work on making yourself happy, so your emotions do not depend on what your partner does or does not do.

Start working on the things that bring you the most fulfillment in life, and you’ll find although you love your partner, your relationship is no longer your main priority. When you are happy, you’ll argue less with your significant other. 

#5 See A Relationship Therapist

If you can’t resolve your problems without a third party, it will help to see a therapist.

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A therapist can see things that you can’t; additionally, they can delve deep into your past and discover the childhood trauma contributing to your relationship problems.

See A Relationship Therapist

Nevertheless, it’s important to mention that the therapist isn’t going to do the work for you. If you are not prepared to invest in your relationship, no amount of therapy will change things. 

Final Thought

Developing a healthy relationship doesn’t happen overnight. Unfortunately, most couples don’t start off that way.

Sometimes, they fight for years before deciding enough is enough and attempt to resolve things.

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It can take several years to practice a new way of communicating before the relationship is considered healthy.

So, if you want to stop fighting with your partner, you will both need to put the work in.

Last Updated on August 21, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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