How Narcissists Test You

You’re wrong if you think tests are solely reserved for educational purposes.

Tests are also given by people who have no place dishing them out.

People like narcissists.

Being tested without even realizing what position you’ve been put in will alter you mentally and emotionally before you even understand what’s happening.

That happy ending was never meant to last, and if you’re left feeling confused, it’s because you’re being pushed to your limits.

Let’s see exactly how…

The Happy Meet Destined Not To Last

I will try and make this as clear as I can…

Do. Not. Fall. For. Love. Bombing. 

I’ll tell you what love-bombing is, and I won’t sugarcoat it. 

You meet somebody who seems so charming. They pay you a lot of attention. They love your laugh. The way you make them smile. They take you out on dates and spoil you with gifts and flowers. They tell you they’ve never met anybody like you. 

As you smile and fall deeply in love, the narcissist is watching your every move.

They listen intently when you open up about your fears, triggers and insecurities. Their ears are wide open when you tell them how much you have been hurt before. 

They are taking notes.

Soon enough, all those things you have told them will be used against you in exactly the same way.

Now you are stuck. 

And congratulations. 

You just passed their first test. 

The test of, ‘How much I can manipulate you into pouring your heart out to me, so I can abuse it.’

Confusing? That’s The Aim…

Why wouldn’t it be? It’s going to be confusing because the narcissist, on the one hand, really seems to love you. They tell you they do and act like you’re the most important person in the world.

They need to earn your trust to walk all over it. 

The aim is to confuse you so you don’t really know one day from the next.

And you also begin not even to know yourself, too. 

On the other hand, though, you’re getting only a version of themselves they want to present you with. 

But it’s not authentic. 

Nothing about narcissists ever is.

Forcing You To Do The One Thing They Fear

Narcissists famously fear abandonment.

They fear you leaving, deciding you no longer wish to be with them.

If you leave, it will prove to them that they are as detestable as they secretly think. The pure hatred they feel for themselves that they hide well, will rise to the surface and be difficult to put a lid on.

Most narcissists have been left before, and it makes them angry and determined to find somebody who is never going to give up and walk away.

For you, that spells bad news because it means they want you to stay in this toxic pattern of destruction.

Do you deserve to stay?

Nobody does.

It’s strange to think a narcissist pushes you to leave them, but you have to understand one thing…

Narcissists are far more likely to be left, than to do the leaving.

The test is how long it takes you to get to that point. How long it takes you to feel as though you’re truly cracking up under the strain of being with them.

How Much Can You Take?

Hmmm, let’s see what this person’s limits are…

It’s like torture, isn’t it? How much of this terrible thing can you tolerate until you break down?

How many lies can you experience before you lose all hope in people? How much pain can you be put through before your faith in love and partnerships has disappeared altogether?

What if, in the midst of all those hurtful things, that same person showered you with fragments of love, affection, and money? What if their love language was an expensive meal or a romantic weekend away?

Well, the reason narcissists do this is to ensure the hurt is forgotten. They want to sweep their mistakes under the carpet while holding onto the times you make yours for as long as they can. 

It’s a huge test to see how much you’ll take.

Moving past that though, I want you to consider that does to your mental and physical health daily.

Your anxiety.

The depression setting in.

Your exhaustion.

Losing yourself.

Eating for comfort.

Not sleeping well.

Their tests are dangerous for you.

They Don’t Know How to Love

Although narcissists don’t love you, they will make sure you love them as much as you possibly can. They can’t do what comes so naturally to you, but they want to see you give yourself to them enough to make them alive. Loved. Desired. 

So many people are unloved in relationships, yet convinced that what they are going through is. How can it be? How can the erosion of your mental and emotional health be anything other than abuse?

The test of not knowing how to love you is that they will try and do it in other ways. They’ll breadcrumb you when they feel you slipping away. When you need confirmation that they are still in this, they will offer you a glimmer of hope. 

The absolutely minimum of what you deserve will become the one thing you cling to. 

Every Good Part Of You: Chipped Away

It’s the same story for every single person under the control of a narcissist. You will be chipped away like a block of ice crushed to nothing. 

At first, it may not seem obvious, but over time, you will feel parts of yourself missing that you didn’t want to say goodbye to.

You will be tested in how you respond to them.

Your loyalty will be tried and tested in how much you stand up for the narcissist. Will you speak up and say how wonderful the narcissist is for their reputation to be restored?

You can bet you’ll be put to work as soon as you meet, and that’s what they want you around for. 

Run…

Being tested is like one big game to all toxic people.

I cannot stress enough how much of a pawn you are to them: a commodity. You aren’t seen as a person, certainly not one that they love or care about. 

The only piece of advice I have for you is to run. 

You were not born to be the lab rat at the toxicity center. 

Staying with the narcissist will only lead to further tests of your will, patience, drive, stamina and goodness. 

If you want to retain any of those things, you need t o find a way to live without the narcissist, before they break you down entirely.