Narcissists are incredibly astute characters. You think they don’t see everything, but they do.
They see you. They have a way of knowing you that makes you wonder if they’re actually psychic.
They seem to have the gift of reminding you exactly what makes you feel so insecure. They also love watching you react to how they prey on you.
As soon as you know how they do it, you can start to take back control.
Which is all anybody ever wants, right?
They want to win.
Well, I can teach you how.
The Dynamic is So Interesting…
The relationship between you and the narcissist is one that I love to dissect and look at through a slightly stronger than usual lens. It’s fascinating to me that two such different people can actually be so similar in other ways.
I don’t mean for a second that the narcissist has the slightest amount of empathy, or that you are as entitled and egotistical as they are.
I mean those vulnerabilities. The vulnerabilities that you openly admit to having, that the narcissist does their best to hide every day.
The unhealthy traits of each person that allow you to be drawn to each other both stem from things you did not receive as a child. Your parents may have had either the best, or no intentions. It really doesn’t matter because the fact is, some neglect took place.
That’s what gives birth to a world of insecurity growing up…
…For the both of you.
Insecure vs. Insecure
So how is it that narcissists prey on your insecurities? Why is it they get to dig under your skin and ignore their own vulnerabilities so much?
Believe it or not, it’s because narcissists are the most insecure out of the both of you.
That’s so hard to believe, right? They seem to exude so much confidence. How can it be possible?
Well, let me just say, it’s very possible.
Narcissist’s insecurities are pathological. They’re incredibly severe.
Think about it. If you can’t do something, you admit to not being good at it, and try to avoid it at all costs. You might even laugh about it.
Narcissists? They don’t have a slither of insight in their bodies or minds. They think they are the best, and that nothing and nobody compares to them.
They’re the best – the end.
Lack of Insight = Rage
This lack of insight the narcissist possesses has one effect on them:
It’s the reason they get so angry. It’s the reason they rage as much as they do.
They hate it about themselves, they really do. And more than that – they deny, deny, deny. If you try to get to their core insecurities, you’re going to find yourself in your own version of Mission Impossible.
Narcissists do everything they can to protect their core insecurities, while simultaneously abusing yours.
“They Figured Out My Vulnerabilities”
When a narcissist gets to know you, they’re really getting to know you. As you think they’re paying extra attention to you, and making sure they cling on to every word you say – they are actually doing that.
As they watch you, they identify your vulnerabilities. What do they do with that information?
They exploit it all to their own advantage.
You see, it works like this.
You say:
I look so ugly in this dress. I never feel confident.
The narcissist says:
Never! You look stunning! Please wear it.
A few months down the line, you confidently take out said red dress for a dinner date with them.
The narcissist looks at you, and says:
Really? That’s what you choose to wear? I thought you hated that dress. You said it makes you look fat.
What this does is not directly criticize you or call you anything – but it is triggering that insecure part of your mind to activate.
And boy, will it.
Narcissists remember everything.
Other People Too – All Are Played
If you think it’s going to just be you who has their insecurities played upon – you’re wrong. It might feel more personal to you, because you’re the one directly suffering in your world – but this isn’t exclusive.
It happens at work. It happens with their family. But everything seems so magnified with you, because it’s you. And we all carry our own set of insecurities – so they naturally feel more personal.
The world can be cruel, and we look to the ones we love to make our own worlds, however big or small they are, to feel happy and safe. Narcissists sadly do the opposite. They will use your insecurities to drive you into yourself. They will refuse you the beauty of what could be, and replace it with the access to the negative.
Eventually there will be a reduction in what you believe about yourself.
You think you won’t get that promotion. You don’t want to even try. You automatically assume you won’t succeed.
And guess what this does? It proves the narcissist has the power over you, and they win by continuing to keep you down.
Is that something you want?
It doesn’t have to be something you tolerate, that’s for sure.
Loving Relationships – A Place of Love
You both view your relationship differently, and I think that’s the biggest realization of anybody coming out of a narcissistic relationship.
You? Well, you come from a place of love. You want to protect the person you’re with. It doesn’t make sense to mock them or give them a hard time. Why would you? You’ve made a choice to be with and spend your time with somebody. You’re intimate and they see all the parts of you that most people are hidden from.
And the narcissist? They don’t even realize half of the person you are. They’re in it to exploit you from the start. You think they want to get to know you, but in truth, they’re digging up all your old issues and storing them for later use.
Look Out For Exploitation
I know it’s fairly easy for me to say this, but it’s something you should all be doing.
In this world, where anything can change instantly, it’s so important to look out for anybody who will exploit you. And no, it’s not always easy to spot. Giving away your life history to somebody you just met is a big no-no, no matter how nice their intentions may seem.
When you get to know somebody, you’re building a house. Brick by brick, day by day, that house will grow bigger and bigger. Nothing is built in a day, or even a week, without substantial issues.
