Narcissists are well known for betraying trust and hiding their deceptive acts from you.
It’s what they do.
They don’t care about you enough to treat you well, and that’s what people tend to struggle with.
Why do they tell me they love me, then treat me so terribly?
What am I doing wrong?
Who said you’re doing anything wrong?
It’s in their nature to hurt people.
Exactly how do they do that, though?
Deception Isn’t Subjective
Let’s get one thing clear before we go any further. Deception isn’t where you or I disagree on what to tolerate. Deception is anything that is kept purposefully secret from you. It is kept from you because the act of deception is a hurtful act.
There can’t be room for differing opinions on what cheating is, or how betrayal works.
This is fully where you have to see any kind of negatively unfair or unjust behavior as fitting for this topic.
What Lowering Your Standards Can Do
When you begin to overlook certain acts or behaviors, you are in real time, lowering your standards completely.
Oh, you know what they’re like. They love to flirt.
I got used to it a long time ago.
Yeah, they tend to do or say this. It’s just how it is.
Well, it may be how it is, but it’s certainly not how it should be.
Never lower your standards or learn to accept less than you deserve.
Ways Narcissists Deceive and Betray You
The biggest non-surprise in the world is that narcissists are more than capable of deceiving you, and betraying your trust.
And they do this how…?
#1 By Cheating
The most obvious is cheating, yes. I want to make clear what I mean by cheating, because narcissists will try to weave out of their unacceptable behavior on a technicality.
Cheating is anything that involves keeping secrets from you.
What I mean by that is:
Talking to women online inappropriately.
Meeting up with somebody they’re attracted to at work for coffee dates.
Texting somebody/multiple people day and night.
Kissing another person.
Telling another person they love them.
Being intimate with somebody other than you.
Flirting on nights out without you.
Exchanging numbers with other people with the intention to flirt or cheat.
Cheating isn’t just as straightforward as sleeping or kissing somebody else. Whatever hurts you that you purposely did not know about, is something that is going to betray your trust. When you thought they were texting their brother, or on a call to their mum, they were really in another room chatting to that person, or texting them…
…It’s withholding the truth from you.
#2 Telling People Your Secrets
What a horrible way for the narcissist to treat you and your trust. By giving others personal information about you, they heavily betray you.
You would have told the narcissist certain pieces of information – all of which were confidential. To then have them spread that information around will have you wondering if there is anything they can be trusted with.
And let me tell you, this happens all the time.
Narcissists always want to be the bearer of news. They love to shock and surprise people. They want the crowds to gather while they offer gossip. If you think you’re going to be exempt from that just because you’re a close friend, family member or even spouse – you can forget it.
It’s very deceiving, not to mention confusing to have somebody tell you they care, while showing you they don’t.
#3 Disclosing Finances
Another popular way a narcissist will betray your trust is to tell people your financial status. This is especially relevant to having a narcissistic parent who is maybe helping you move, or giving you advice about getting a new car.
However – it can also involve a narcissistic partner, too.
Oh, I’ve been helping them try to find a house. Did you know, they’ve managed to save a deposit of $40,000? I had no idea they had so much money. It’s alright for some!
Well, I have to keep working at my age. I have children and now grandchildren to support, and they’re all struggling right now. They’ve got a really tough time.
Disclosing personal information about your finances is going to hurt you, and make you feel as though you’re the talk of the town…
For all the wrong reasons.
#4 Future Faking
Future faking is literally making promises with no intention of keeping them. If that isn’t some of the most deceitful actions, I don’t know what is.
I promise I’ll be there.
I’ll come and pick you up at 7 for our date.
I love you, and I want to marry you someday.
I can’t wait to have kids with you.
You’re the one for me.
I’ll book that vacation next weekend when I get paid.
It’s all lies, designed specifically to keep you hanging on. If you want to be able to see through them, you have to start seeing through the narcissist.
#5 Letting You Down
Narcissists always let their victims down. They’re late to events. They forget to keep their promises. They act like they don’t care most of the time. They never show up when it matters. They are only and always thinking of themselves.
Through those acts alone – yes – narcissists will betray or deceive you as a result. There’s no way they can be so selfish while simultaneously pleasing you when you need pleasing. It just doesn’t equate the same way.
When you have certain hopes (and they don’t have to be high!), for your relationship, the narcissist will never reach them.
#6 Outright Lies
A lie is a deception. If caught out, they are also a betrayal to you. So what’s the point in lying? Well, the narcissist is never not going to lie to you. It’s in their interests to say whatever gets them out of the latest hole they’ve dug.
They don’t care that they lie, and I think that’s what hurts other people the most. It’s the idea that a conscience doesn’t exist with any narcissist. How easy it is for them to just continue with their day knowing they’ve fed you any old mistruth, that hurts.
#7 Playing With Your Emotions
When your emotions are played with, you are being deceived and drawn away from your own truth. The narcissist doesn’t want you to feel what you want to feel, they want you to feel how they want you to feel.
It’s deceitful to rip you of your truth this way, and to leave you confused and at a loss.
As soon as you realize how much they do this, you will see how your trust was taken from you.
#8 Never Having Your Back
As much as you want them to, a narcissist will never defend you. They will sooner have you hung out to dry and disassociate with anything you say or ask of them. Narcissists love drama but don’t want to get involved if you are in a precarious situation. They need to be seen as neutral not to upset anybody on either side of the conflict.
Now, they can cause it but can’t react to it, and that’s the difference.
How deceitful to know that the person you thought cared about you has just literally left you to fend for yourself when you need them the most.
All I will say is – never be surprised.
