If you are at the stage of your life where you know you no longer need the narcissist, I am here to remind you what will happen to them when you reach that stage.
You see, nothing is ever simple, and yet sometimes the most satisfying outcome will show up when you want it the most.
I want to give you a step-by-step account on how narcissists break down the second you realize you don’t need them.
#1 Step one: Look at your past together
There’s a lot to be said about breaking down the past you share with a narcissist.
What did they enter your life promising? How differently do they treat you now than when you first met?
What needs do they meet? Are you happy? Do you rely on them much?
If the answer to that last question is yes, then you may want to ask yourself how you got to that point.
From being somewhat self-sufficient when you met to solely now depending on them for every need; something had to have gone wrong or changed since then.
Reflecting isn’t always a promise of positive feelings, but it does offer a clarification you might need to understand how you can become somebody who doesn’t need them for anything.
That might be hard to imagine, but stick with me, and start trusting yourself more.
It will come.
#2 Step two: Understand what got you here
Without any fault of their own, the people who get tangled up with narcissists end up so caught up because of how manipulative the narcissist is.
Even those who think they can spot a narcissist a mile off can at times become stuck in the cycle of abuse, never meaning to wind up there.
There are certain behaviors the narcissist is looking out for in their next victims, and for you that might look like somebody who falls for their charm.
Perhaps you’ve felt a little lost, and just want a happy ending that they initially promise you.
It’s easy to think that somebody who promises to make your life easier, will.
You don’t have to worry any more.
I am right here.
I will do anything to make you happy.
If it means you don’t have to do it, let me take it off your hands.
It sounds ideal, but the more you give the narcissist to control, the stronger they become, and the weaker it will inevitably make you.
#3 Step three: Learn how a narcissist loves it when you need them
When a narcissist is needed, it’s like their whole world lights up. They want to be wanted because it buffers their ego, and gives them a reason to be in as many lives as possible.
They want the world to revolve around them, and if you need them, you are proving that without them, you’re nothing.
That’s obviously not the case, but those who lack confidence and self-esteem will lean into having somebody who saves the day.
When the narcissist becomes obsessed with this, and holds conditions over helping you, they will show their true colors.
This will complicate things for the victim, as shame, guilt and burden grow too big to be able to fully control within them.
You feel lost and helpless, but you remember a ‘you’ that existed before that didn’t feel this way.
Maybe that’s something you are familiar with. If it is, keep reading.
#4 Step four: Watching what happens when you stop
Like going to the movies, you will have to sit back and watch exactly what goes on when you stop needing them.
If you want to bring popcorn to the show, feel free!
When you don’t need a narcissist anymore and you show that to them, you’re sending them a huge message. You’re saying:
I’ve got this myself, thanks very much.
No it’s okay I know how to do that.
I’m good, I learned how to do it myself.
All of these messages are clear, and they will dent the ego of the very person who relies on you relying on them.
When you stop needing them narcissist will:
Panic. They hate the sudden shift in dynamic with no warning from you. They loved their little routine and now it seems to be shattered.
Shout. It’s probable that the narcissist will want to punish you for not needing them by yelling, making you feel guilty, or simply just airing their childish tantrum and aiming it at you.
Give you the silent treatment. More punishment for you but inside their minds the narcissist is reeling.
They cannot compute what went wrong, and why this is going the way it is.
Spread your name around town like muck. Yes, that’s right.
The narcissist will speak unkindly to you to drag your reputation down while theirs stays somewhat alive.
#5 Step five: The breakdown checklist
Once you know the checklist, you can look out for all behaviors that align with it.
This is a really interesting way of ensuring and also affirming that you are dealing with a narcissist, too.
Normal folk wouldn’t care if you did something by yourself without their help. In fact, it’d probably be celebrated.
A narcissist won’t celebrate an ounce of your independence. Instead, they will look at you as some kind of problem for not asking them to help you before you got started.
Panic, shout, silent treatment and spreading your name will all be listed in the toxic air around you and ticked off as the narcissist reacts to you realizing you no longer need them.
To live a fine life, you have to be happy in your choices, and if once choice happens to be, “I no longer need you,” then so be it.
Nobody ever wants to see anybody break down, but if you see a narcissist break down, you will know that you have really gotten under their skin.
This is especially true if they start dishing out threats that involve punishing you or labelling you as the narcissist, or too needy.
#6 Step six: Walking away anyway
This is, I think, the most important message of all.
Walk away anyway. Do it. Just get up and go because what you are walking away from is a person who doesn’t care about you, and who thrives on abusing and controlling you.
If you are in a position where a narcissist feels great knowing that you are totally dependent on them, then you have to ask yourself how normal this all is.
Walk away anyway. And read that line over and over again until you understand how fantastic and free your life could be without them bogging you down.
The breakdown of a narcissist proves that they’re just giving you what they want you to have, without considering what is best for you. To control you isn’t for your own benefit, it is for theirs and theirs alone.
That’s dangerous. So very dangerous, and the more you learn about it, the more equipped you will be to one day walk away from the toxic narcissist who is in your life.
You won’t reget it.
