Narcissistic fathers love to air their authority to their kids.
What I say, goes!
I make the rules, you live by them!
Do as I say, and worship me while you’re at it!
Why should any child who has to tolerate such abuse then worship their abuser? What a twisted world we live in!
Today, I want to show you how narcissistic fathers force their kids to worship them.
I’m not promising a smooth ride for you, here!
Narcissistic father experience!
Hands up who can relate? Those with narcissistic fathers are getting more and more in touch with me telling me about their childhoods, and how they were treated both growing up, and now as an adult.
I feel like a lot of you are in a real place of healing, ready to tackle the inner critic your father left attached to you, and it starts with remembering all the ways you were forced to worship your toxic dad as a kid.
I know how hard that must have been for you, and how confusing you would have felt saying all these good things about a man who refused to treat you correctly.
It’s not easy wearing those scars.
Let’s look at the how
When narcissists have kids, they use them as an extension of themselves.
This is often portrayed as a man who is unwilling to let you live your own life as you, as you are manipulated into doing as you are told, being agreeable, and being that crucial source of supply he needs in order to survive.
Being forced to worship him really is the tip of the iceberg, but it’s the kind of tip that causes you to have to put your abuser on a pedestal.
Nobody wants to do that.
#1 “I’m the reason you’ve even got a roof over your head”
What are you supposed to do with a comment like that? Your narcissistic father wants you to actually thank them for providing you with a home to live in when you were born and as you’re being raised.
He wants you to show your gratitude for being kept safe, warm and fed under a roof that already existed before you were even thought about.
But he also wants to remind you that he is the reason you have the house. He provided it and extended it to you, and that should be enough for you to be forever in his debt.
We all know how unfair that sounds, and I think you will appreciate being validated when I say:
This is total garbage.
#2 Forcing displays of loyalty
The most difficult day of the year for those of you with a narcissistic father will be days like his birthday, or Father’s Day.
Those are the days you will have once gone into the store to find a card for him:
For the best Dad in the world.
Dad, you’re my best friend.
I love you, Happy Father’s Day.
To a living and caring Father.
Makes you want to vomit, doesn’t it? Where is the card that just says:
This is a card for you.
If only they existed, because no other words are fitting when it comes to your narcissistic father.
These forced displays of loyalty will be extended by them, too.
They will want to see you showering them with gifts, thank yous, attention and affection, and you will probably feel very uncomfortable doing so.
#3 “It’s because of me…”
You must worship me now because if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here!
It’s because of me you even passed that test.
It’s because of me you have the luxury to pick a major in college and have it paid for!
Oh spare me.
Nobody asked to be born, and if they did, they’d make sure they weren’t born into a family of narcissists, am I right?
Don’t ever feel forced to worship your narcissistic father just because he has guilt tripped you into doing so.
What you do and how you live your life is not a reflection on them, it is instead despite having them as a father.
You’re surviving and creating opportunities for yourself even though you have the world’s most critical father raising you.
That is some accomplishment.
#4 “Tell me this, before I buy that”
I’ll buy it for you if you tell me you will ace that test at school next week.
I’ll get it for you if you tell me how much you love me. Louder!
If you want it, I will buy it. But only if you tell me that you will quit that dumb hobby of yours.
Kids are kids, and they want the thing they want. If it is something they need, like a new pair of shoes, or a new coat for winter, it feels even worse to have to barter with your narcissistic father for it.
It can’t just be that they get you the thing, it has to come with some kind of praise or promise attached to it.
As soon as they know they can do that with you, that will never stop.
#5 “I gave up my dreams for you”
Dreams? What dreams? What dreams are you possibly preventing for them?
Could it be instead that they are using you as an excuse to blame somebody other than themselves for their unfulfilled goals they had in life?
If you really want to do something, you will be able to do it no matter what.
Having kids really has nothing to do with it, but of course, in the mind of your narcissistic father, it’s much easier to blame you.
As a kid, you’ll shoulder it and thank them for raising you and taking care of you, which doesn’t make sense when you think about it.
Thank you for doing the bare minimum to keep me alive?
No.
It shouldn’t be that way.
What this worshipping does long term
Long term, worshipping is the kind of act that a narcissistic father will learn to expect without even being asked.
If you don’t give it, you’re considered to be the scapegoat, and will be punished for it.
These men will swap and shift their mood toward you and how they treat you so quickly that you won’t even believe it’s possible that they love you at all.
None of it is your fault.
For him
For the narcissistic father, they get everything they want from you as long as you’re willing to give it. Compliments, praise, gestures; anything you can think of that will help them in some way.
They have that control, and they’ve learned how to tap it out of you.
For you
You learn to worship your abuser because it’s the only way you can find yourself in their good books.
You learn that the abuser gets all the praise and glory, and you’re left being the one who does nothing but give and give, and receiving nothing in return.
In later life that can manifest as resentment toward your narcissistic father. All those years they taught you to be unconditionally kind to them, when they were never like that with you.
