Ladies and gentlemen, please start your stopwatches….

…. In 3, 2, 1… NOW!

As soon as you recognize that person you just met as a narcissist, I want you to press stop. Yell bingo. Wave your red flag – or all of those things!

Wouldn’t that make it more fun?! I mean – if only we knew how much time went by before the wool fell from our eyes and revealed the true person before us.

Let’s talk about that in more detail, because I feel it will really help some of you.

Time Differs For All

We stare at the same clock every day. We share time with millions, if not billions of others. As it ticks away, we do what we do to pass it.

We work.

We sleep.

We eat.

We mingle

We paint.

We shop.

We clean.

Somehow though, time can either be on our side, or our worst enemy when it comes to recognizing narcissists.

Either we don’t need a lot of it, or we need as much of it as we can get until we figure out the truth about those toxic people. 

And I know, it doesn’t seem fair. It doesn’t seem fair that entire decades can go by until you realize the person you’re living with and have been in a relationship with is a narcissist.

Beyond that it may even be a parent, friend, or even your boss!

These people – they don’t make it easy for us.

Knowing What You Know Will Help

I always think that when it comes to narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the more you know, the easier the signs will be to spot.

Are they 100% foolproof? Of course not! Nothing ever is. 

But… They will mean you have much more of a chance to figure out a person’s real motives in good time without feeling as though you’ve wasted so much of it being tricked, fooled, and abused. 

People like me are out there to teach you how to scan the room for the people you should avoid.

If you can’t avoid them, have your guard up and give as little as possible away to them. 

Not Seeing What’s There

Hi, my name’s Andrew. I’m a friend of your cousins and I’m a complete narcissist.

In fact, I should also mention that I think you’re beautiful so you fall in love with me. Then I can spend the next twenty years abusing you and eroding your entire identity. 

….Said no narcissist EVER!

People can sometimes say, “How didn’t you spot the signs?” 

I always want to say, “You try knowing everything you need to know at the exact moment you need to know it!”

In other words, most people only really know the true depths a narcissist is capable of after they’ve been affected by one.

And even if you did happen to know a lot about narcissists, the chances of you dodging one in real life until you’ve come to know them is slim.

They’re clever. More than that – they know exactly what they’re doing and who to target.

For example, Andrew up there isn’t offer his boss the same charm for a promotion as he will for a potential date.

It’ll be, “What do I have in common with my boss? How can I become good friends with him so he will consider me for promotion season?”

They manipulate every person differently. They know who they’re dealing with at all times, and will act accordingly (‘act’ being the operative word…)

So yes – it’s very easy to not see what’s really there.

It’s also just as easy to see what’s not there.

Future Faking Buys Them Time

You know all too well that any narcissist who promises you the world is not going to keep to their world. 

When you’re living those moments of fakery and falseness, you don’t see it. 

You don’t see what’s happening. All you see is a person you think cares for you, telling you how much they care for you.

They’ll even ‘prove’ it by telling you that someday you’ll be married, have kids, and live happily ever after.

The promise to always love and respect you.

The promise to always be honest and caring. 

And you know what? The more they promise, the more time they can stretch out where you are oblivious to their narcissistic ways. 

It’s what they do, and it’s how they buy time.

The more time you give them, the more they can manipulate you and form the toxic attachment that keeps you with them.

Narcissistic Abuse: Calling a Spade, a Spade

So when you finally wake up one day and realize what has been going on, you will have no choice but to call it what it is.

Will it hurt?

Absolutely.

You’re not only recognizing a narcissist in action, you’re recognizing one who has fooled you.

Suddenly, it gets personal. 

It affects you.

It doesn’t matter when you notice the signs, or how long it took. You can punish yourself for not noticing sooner or be thankful you noticed at all. 

Whatever way you got there – you got there.

How You Can Spot The Signs: Speeding Up The Process

So spotting the signs of a narcissist may or may not come obviously, depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with.

Most will display:

• Lack of empathy
• Mood swings
• The inability to keep to their word
• The need for attention
• A love for drama
• To be center of attention

The more covert narcissists will be more:

• Able to play on their own emotions – perhaps using tears to look the victim
• Subtle, yet still destructive. You want to look out for them acting coy but almost still loving the attention
• Passive-aggressive
• Grudge holding

Whereas overt narcissism look more like:

• Grandiose
• Loves to splash the cash
• Loves to draw in a crowd of people
• Overestimates their abilities
• Arrogant and bold
• Attention-seeking

Both love drama. Both cannot love properly. Both triangulate. Both gaslight. Both abuse. Both are great at dishing out silent treatment as punishment. 

It is imperative to know these things and look out for things that don’t seem right or sit well with you.

Tune into your intuition. If something feels better than perfect, it probably is.

Stop Ignoring What’s Obvious

You can make all the excuses in the world for somebody, but ultimately the more you do that, the more you allow them to get away with being a narcissist in your life. 

One you could do without!

Recognizing the signs should be when you pull back and change direction.

You don’t want to be doing the same thing in ten years. 

Be Sure Of Yourself

It’s okay to believe in your feelings.

Digging past the charm might actually see you thinking and feeling, “Gosh. This just doesn’t seem to add up.”

You’re right, it doesn’t. 

Don’t leave doing the digging for long.

The less time you allow yourself to fall for the narcissist, the more time you have to move on!

20 Things That Drive Narcissists Absolutely Nuts

We might all think Narcissists are the strong ones, the ones in control. But in reality, the Narcissist is busy maintaining his fake superior image.

They are fragile creatures inside, and they are afraid everyone will start to notice that.

The idea that they are exposed, being called out, or worse….being ignored drives them NUTS.

Here are 20 things that drive Narcissists Nuts.

#1 Being Called Out: 

Narcissists hate when their manipulative tactics or lies are challenged or exposed, as it clashes with the facade they present.

When you call out a narcissist on their manipulative tactics or lies, it strikes a nerve; they loathe having their carefully crafted facade disturbed.

This challenge to their perceived perfection and control can provoke anger or even rage. They’ll often react defensively, redirect blame, or play the victim.

It’s a desperate attempt to maintain their self-created illusion.

#2 Dealing with the Truth

They do not like dealing with the truth, especially when it challenges their false self-image or deceptive narratives.

Narcissists find it incredibly difficult to confront the truth, particularly if it shatters their falsely constructed self-image or undermines their deceitful narratives.

They can’t stand it when reality doesn’t align with their skewed perceptions.

#3 Fighting Back

It can be deeply unsettling when someone reacts firmly against their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine.

Just as they struggle with accepting the truth, narcissists also have a tough time when their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine are met with firm resistance.

It’s deeply unsettling for them when you stand your ground, refusing to be manipulated or put down. They’re used to being in control, and your defiance shakes their world, leaving them frustrated and, often, furious.

#4 Standing Up for Yourself

They are annoyed when others stand up for themselves, as it goes against their desire for dominance.

Pushing back against a narcissist’s dominance can throw them off balance, and they resent anyone brave enough to stand their ground.

Narcissists crave control, and when you assert yourself, you’re denying them that. They can’t stand it when their power is threatened like this.

#5 Ignoring and Blocking Them

Narcissists like to be the center of attention. Being ignored or blocked shakes their esteemed self-image.

While standing your ground can rattle them, denying them the spotlight by ignoring or blocking their efforts is another effective way to shake a narcissist’s self-image.

They crave attention, and they’re left unsettled when you don’t give it.

#6 Silence

Silent treatment can be very aggravating for a narcissist who thrives on the attention.

In the grand theater of human interaction, your silence can be the most disturbing noise for a narcissist. They thrive on attention, and your refusal to engage strips them of that spotlight. It’s their kryptonite, rendering them powerless.

Your silence doesn’t just annoy them, it shakes their self-esteem. So, when dealing with a narcissist, sometimes, silence is golden.

#7 Using Grey Rock Method

A technique involving minimal response to their behavior. They despise being completely deprived of emotional responses to feed on.

Just as your silence can be disarming, employing the Grey Rock Method—giving minimal response to a narcissist’s behavior—can be equally, if not more, infuriating for them.

They thrive on emotional reactions, and you’re robbing them of their power by denying them that.

You’re not feeding their need for drama.

You’re simply a grey rock: uninteresting, unresponsive, and utterly frustrating for them.

#8 Exposure of Who They Are

The fear of revealing their genuine, often insecure self beneath the superficial perfection can cause distress.

Narcissists dread exposing their true selves, hidden beneath layers of crafted perfection and grandiosity. They fear the unveiling of their genuine, often insecure self. This fear isn’t groundless.

It’s possible to be seen without the mask, the facade they’ve meticulously built. The thought of their imperfections being laid bare can distress them immensely. It’s a reality they can’t stand to face.

#9 Being Laughed At

It can trigger a sense of shame or humiliation, challenging their grandiose self-image.

Imagine the scene: you’re laughing at a narcissist, perhaps pointing out a small mistake they’ve made.

This can ignite a deep sense of shame or humiliation in them, directly challenging their inflated self-image. They’re not used to being the butt of a joke.

It’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s a direct hit to their ego and can make them livid.

#10 Knowledge Gap

It can be very irksome for them if they are out of the loop or others know something they don’t.

When you’re privy to information that a narcissist isn’t, it’s like a thorn in their side. They can’t stand being out of the loop. Knowledge gaps drive them crazy.

It’s not just about feeling left out, it’s about their need to be superior. If you know something they don’t, it challenges their self-perceived dominance, and that’s a bitter pill for them to swallow.

#11 Reputational Damage

Narcissists value their reputation and public image highly and any harm to it can drive them into a rage.

If there’s even a hint of damage to their meticulously crafted public image, it can send a narcissist spiraling into a fit of rage. They’ve spent years building and polishing their reputation, so any slight, real or perceived, feels like a personal affront.

They can’t tolerate being seen as anything less than perfect, so they’ll do anything to prevent their image from tarnishing.

#12 Losing Control

Any loss of control, especially over others’ lives, is deeply frustrating and threatening to them.

Just as a narcissist can’t stand the thought of a tarnished reputation, losing control, particularly over others’ lives, deeply unnerves them. You’ll find them scrambling to regain their power, their self-worth attached to the puppeteer’s strings.

They feel threatened and cornered. Any hint of independence from you is met with manipulation, tantrums, or cold dismissal. It’s their desperate bid to remain at the helm, in control.

#13 Denial

Saying “No” to a narcissist can spark extreme anger as they’re not used to being denied what they want.

Denying a narcissist something they want isn’t just a simple ‘no’ for them; it’s an insult to their entitlement, which often triggers an extreme reaction. This ‘no’ sparks an anger they can’t easily quell, because they’re unaccustomed to denial.

#14 Refusing to Play Along

Not feeding into their manipulation games can provoke their ire.

When you refuse to participate in a narcissist’s web of manipulation, their frustration often manifests as anger and hostility. They’re used to having control and playing mind games.

But standing your ground, not feeding into their tactics, truly irks them. It disrupts their power dynamics, forcing them to face an uncomfortable reality: they can’t always get their way.

#15 Losing

They have a deep need always to win. Losing, whether in work, social scenarios, or relationships, can frustrate them.

Narcissists are exceedingly competitive, and a loss in any area of life, whether professional or personal, can send them into frustration and resentment. They’re driven by a need always to win. When they don’t, it’s not just a setback, but a personal affront.

This extreme reaction to losing can lead to strained relationships and workplace conflicts as they struggle to regain control.

#16 Cutting Off Contact

Going ‘no contact’ deprives them of the control and attention they seek, driving them into a frenzy.

Have you ever considered what happens to a narcissist when you cut off all contact?

It drives them absolutely nuts. Narcissists thrive on control and attention; without it, they’re sent into a tailspin.

Going ‘no contact’ strips them of their power, leaving them scrambling for a way to regain it.

It’s a simple yet effective way to kick them off their self-built pedestal.

#17 Independent Thoughts and Opinions

Narcissists strongly dislike when others show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions.

Exerting your independence and voicing your thoughts and opinions can truly rattle a narcissist’s cage. They can’t stand it when you show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions. It’s like a direct blow to their inflated ego, leaving them feeling threatened.

#18 Seeing Others’ Success

Other people’s success, especially when surpassing their own, provokes envy and resentment.

When you shine brighter than them, particularly in areas they value, narcissists can’t help but feel a twinge of envy and resentment. Your success, especially if it surpasses their own, drives them up the wall.

It’s a blow to their inflated self-image, triggering feelings of inadequacy. They’re left grappling with bitterness, struggling to accept that someone else is outshining them.

#19 Displaying Empathy

They can’t understand or appreciate empathetic behavior, often viewing it as a weakness.

Just as your success irks them, showing empathy – a trait they can neither understand nor appreciate – is another thing that drives narcissists up the wall. They view it as a sign of weakness, not strength.

This inability to comprehend empathy often leads to frustration and confusion. So, when you’re kind and understanding, you’re not just being good. You’re also getting under a narcissist’s skin.

#20 Feeling Inferior

Anything that makes them feel less superior or important can spark intense negative reactions.

Narcissists often struggle intensely with feelings of inferiority, and anything that suggests they’re less superior or important can trigger extreme negative reactions. They’ll interpret this as a clear sign of disrespect if you slight or overlook them.

They can’t stand being outshone or feeling second best. Always needing to be the center of attention, they’ll overreact if they sense they’re not.