You’ve got a watch in one hand, and potential justice in the other.
After all the narcissist did to you, you’re now watching them with somebody new, and that supply is like a new lease of life for them.
They’re getting everything they want, and loving every minute.
So you keep your eyes on the watch. You want to know the exact moment the new supply sees through the narcissist, and you’re waiting patiently for it to happen.
You can’t wait to fist bump the air and yell, “YES!”
Here’s how long you have to wait…
The question that haunts survivors
When the time comes where you and the narcissist part ways, time will offer you the opportunity to think about where they will go next, and what that will look like for anybody new coming their way.
It’s haunting, isn’t it? You wonder if this whole process starts again, and if so, who will be the victim next.
Beyond that, you think about pain that’s out there, waiting to be felt.
The person in question is totally unaware of what’s on the horizon, yet you know it won’t be pleasant because you’ve been there yourself, and you know how it ends.
So yeah, it plays over and over in your mind. When the new supply comes along, it’s just a matter of time before they see through everything the narcissist has and does.
You want it to be soon, but it rarely is. It’s a long game, one that’s hard to get over and difficult to put behind you.
Who is the new supply?
Big question. Just who is the new supply? How did they meet the narcissist? Where did they come from? What sort of person are they?
The chances are, you already know the answer to a lot of these questions. Supplies often have themes and things in common, and those are the kinds of characteristics the narcissist spots very quickly.
The slight shyness in social settings.
The overt self-conscious moves.
The slight uncertainty.
The overall politeness.
The willingness to listen.
The response to flattery and charm.
The almost immediate ways your guard is dropped as you talk about your fears or triggers.
The way your past rises up in conversations, potentially how you’ve been treated in previous relationships.
The compliments you dish out.
The awkwardness when you receive a compliment.
These are all box ticking traits for a narcissist to know they’ve hit the jackpot. The supply will be another version of you, and after that, the same kind of person will come along and be the same.
Why it all seems so perfect
Watching the narcissist with their new supply can be enough to make your stomach turn, and I totally get that.
They’re experiencing all the highs that were once yours. Seeing them happy because the narcissist is making them so is particularly hard.
It feels as though all those kind and good gestures were meant for you, and now you have to witness it without being a participant.
That’s exactly why it isn’t the person you miss, but the feeling they brought to you in those initial times you met.
You miss the way they made you feel, but if you’re honest, it could have been anybody. In reality, the narcissist wasn’t the perfect part of it all.
They’re only play-acting perfection to gain that trauma bond with somebody new now, and it hurts to know that there was nothing special about the connection you thought you had with them.
You want to know how long this whole process will take.
How long does it take?
I’ve got to warn you that there’s no simple answer to this. There are factors you need to consider, so let’s go through each one and get a better idea.
The New Supply’s Emotional Awareness
If the narcissist has got another keen people-pleaser on their hands, you might have a little bit of a problem.
The less trauma-informed a person is on narcissism, the longer that new supply will take to clock onto the abuse that’s been happening right before their very eyes.
The Narcissist’s Level of Manipulation
Covert vs overt narcissist’s masks slip at different rates. Some may fall down pretty quickly, revealing who they really are.
Others take time, and for that reason, the supply’s realization will also take time.
Narcissists can be very clever at holding the truth back. If you really want to see justice, you might have to hold out and allow more time.
External Pressure (Family, Friends, Stress)
How aware are the new supply’s family and friends of what’s going on? This is crucial in terms of timing.
If you have a truly strong support system in place, you can find things out about the relationship you’re in months, even years before you do yourself.
It can equally be a challenge if those family and friends aren’t aware of narcissism or cycles of abuse, and that can be what causes the delay.
Duration of Idealization
If a narcissist gives a little bit of idealization at the start followed by a heavy set of moments of discard, you might want to assume the new supply will get pretty fed up, pretty quickly!
The new supply may stay
As much as I hate to write it, there is something very real about the possibility of the new supply deciding to stay.
It won’t matter who warns them, or any red flags they witness. Their love (or trauma bond) for the narcissist will be bigger than everything, and you just have to accept that they’re in it for the long run.
It happens, and I don’t like that it does. It’s something I see more than I want to, but we have to talk in real terms.
Waking up may never be witnessed
Equally, if you’re waiting for the new supply to wake up and see through the narcissist, you might never get to see it.
That’s another part of this whole process you should bear in mind, as I know many people gravitate toward the need to see Karma hit the narcissist between the eyes but it doesn’t always work out that way.
We can hope it will happen, and accept that you just may not get to see it.
Waiting for Karma, or choosing to heal
So what happens now? Will you choose to wait for Karma, or will you choose to move on and let the course of their new relationship take whatever course it was meant to take?
You’d be surprised how many victims of narcissistic abuse give their time and energy to watching and waiting for the new connection to crumble, but I would advise against it.
Choosing to heal means you’ve finally put yourself first. You have chosen you, and prioritized your own well being over waiting to see this emotional car crash happen.
I have to applaud you for that, because healing means you get to live the life you really want, without as much as a toxic breath coming your way.
