How Does One Really Get Over Abuse From a Narcissistic Parent?

Q: how does one really get over abuse from a narcissistic parent? My mother suffers npd and she is very malignant. All my life I have been scapegoated and blamed for every thing. I was always on trial and still am for any mistakes I made in life..I honestly was so suicidal during my youth and teen years. My n.m. verbally abused me and allowed her husbands to physically abuse me. It has been like a light came on to discover narcissism and forgive myself!I have been no contact for 3 years-moved 100s of miles away. My mother is classic she was sending her golden child,my sister to abuse me by proxy and then I cut her off&;amp;moved again.For the last 2years my family has been wanting my address..while on a constant smear campaign.

Around xmas I got a hatefilled text from my brother..apparently my mom convinced him that she just loves me so much she needed him to go after me&;amp;get my address. I would not give it and he became a cruel imitation of my mother..much like my sister is.its almost like the whole family is becoming her now! My mother used my ss# and she called the gas co.and she not only got my number-she had my gas shut off. She does things so sneaky..its hard to catch! Npd mom used automated system and all. I am a single mom fighting illnesses who is just trying to survive…do I ever have legal rights?

A: It sounds to me like you need to go No Contact with your entire family. I understand that is a very difficult thing to do but further contact with them seems to keep bringing you in contact with your mother or mother’s behavior. You need to develop a new support system- one with healthy models in it. Create a support system with new friends and neighbors; join a single parent’s club or activities. But most importantly- get support and specific advice from a counselor or therapist. If you do not live near a big city that may have specific groups for victims of narcissists, seek out a group for Domestic Abuse. Do not be afraid to explain to this group that you were physically abused as a child but that you are still being emotionally abused by the adults in your family. As for legal rights, every state is different and you will have to explore on your own how far you can take this (or with an attorney if you can afford it, or perhaps advice from the Domestic Abuse group). I would call the gas company and ask what you can do and also make an appointment with the nearest social security office to see what your options are (you generally get more help in person- at both places). Your mother fraudulently used your social security number- I am not sure if that qualifies as a case for stolen identity or fraud- or something else. Please get some support and counseling…and don’t give up.

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3 thoughts on “How Does One Really Get Over Abuse From a Narcissistic Parent?

  1. Ouch, I have a the horrible feeling I’m at the beginning of the same road you are some way along. Sounds like hell. Although, I’m hoping, my father is just not resourceful enough to pull those kind of strokes. He’ll probably just stick to his established pattern of silent treatment and spreading nasty rumours around the extended family about things I’ve said or done to him. Ah, whatever.

    I’d be inclined to try and change my identity, or maybe emigrate (two things I am considering). Whilst Alex is right about possible legal implications of what she’s doing, following up on those may end up just giving her the feedback and attention she’s lacking as well as an opportunity to get her claws into you again.

    Definitely seek out a group, it’s something I’ve yet to do, but this stuff is a horrible and heavy burden to carry on your own, that’s the point of her doing it.

    Good luck, and I hope you find some sort of peace soon.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. My heart goes out to you. I have been doing a lot of writing. I also have been in contact with a domestic violence survivors group. I wish I could find or create a npd abuse survivor group! Worldwide… I am consuming all I can on npdisorder.It is so sad to be born to such evil, but I am fighting to heal. Funny-I was just thinking of moving far further away…far as possible. Time to just enjoy my life…reclaim it. I wish you luck and power! Hugs! 🙂

      1. I’m on this road too and I just found out, after suffering stroke-like symptoms, that there was even physical abuse and abandonment of me starting when I was a toddler. And my whole family are bystanders. I’m not sure how I’m gonna get better but I’m trusting that G-d will guide me.

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