Wait… Did you check everywhere?
And they’ve really gone this time?
But how do you know…?
That’s where a lot of people become totally stuck.
How do you know? Especially if the narcissist has that toxic gift for showing up when you least expect it.
Is there a way to know they’ve gone for the last time?
Can I promise you of that?
Let’s get to the answers.
The Cycle Predicts a Return…
The narcissistic cycle of abuse is one we are all growing to be more and more familiar with, isn’t it?
Idealization
Devaluation
Discard
Hoovering
It goes round and round and round, and it doesn’t stop until somebody changes.
When you assume the narcissist is gone for good, it often just feels like a stage in that cycle.
How many times have you thought, “No, this is really it. It’s really final this time.”
Only for … yep… you guessed it…
The return of the narcissist!
So yes – any true ending will feel familiar, because narcissistic relationships often end temporarily until they start back up again.
That doesn’t mean it can’t be different this time. It can be final.
This is all down to you, and how you draw a line behind you as you move forward.
What That Feels Like
Narcissistic cycles of abuse are what the narcissist creates for their victim. They are, by design, capable of keeping somebody right there in the palms of their hands for as long as they can keep them.
When narcissists discard you, they leave you high and dry with no warning. Some may call it ghosting, which is just as despicable and damaging.
To think you have the best person you’ve ever met in your life, to have them simply decide to up and leave, only affects you. For them, it was always going to be part of their plan.
Edge of Your Seat
When that discard happens again, you aren’t be able to convince yourself that it’ll be the last time fully.
The narcissist turns their back and leaves, and you have seen it all before. They walk off, a certain amount of time passes.
You go through the motions, and suddenly, as the wheel turns fully, they’re back, and you start the process over again.
So now, here you are.
And you feel like you want to sit on the edge of your seat and anticipate the familiar return.
Waiting For a Dramatic Entrance
Don’t mistake waiting for a narcissist to return as wanting them to come back. These are two separate things – and you must not allow them to blend.
Waiting for that dramatic entrance has been programmed into you.
You know now that it will happen and how you’ll feel. Yet you’ll be convinced “this time is different.”
It won’t be.
If you can keep remembering that, you will be more likely to refuse entrance another time.
I can’t stress enough that the only way it will be the last time, is if you draw a huge line under everything and do what you can to keep them at bay.
Getting On With Life
It’s up to you to start living life again after a narcissist leaves.
The more you fill your life up with things and people and hobbies that are good for you and that make you happy, the less likely the narcissist is to come back.
The key is not allowing them to come back, right?
They can knock on the door all they want, but if you don’t let them in, eventually, they will turn on their heel and leave.
Looking Over Your Shoulder
There will always be a part of you that will wonder if the narcissist is really gone this time. You might be assured they won’t return by the following:
- They’ve met somebody else
- They’ve moved
- They’ve told you they don’t want to do it again
- You’ve met somebody else
- You’ve moved
- You’ve told them you don’t want to do it again
Narcissists don’t really know when to close the door, because they always want to keep you as an option. If all else fails, they know you can provide them with the best supply.
Known to return in some way after years, narcissists can crop up in your DMs. They can email you or bump into you where they know you’ll be.
As time passes, you’ll look over your shoulder less and less, but that feeling of anticipation will never 100% leave people.
Time!
…Is the one thing you need.
I know that sounds cheesy, if a little predictable, but it’s true.
Time is the one concept you need on your side and the only thing that’s going to ensure the narcissist really has gone.
Don’t encounter temptations to lure them back, or indeed do the luring.
You want the familiar and intoxicating feeling of starting that cycle of abuse back up again.
The love. The excitement. The promises. But the word toxic sits right in the middle of ‘intoxicating’ for that very reason. And what you are looking for can be found in yourself instead, with a little time.
You want to be loved, but that can only happen if you learn what love is.
It all starts with you, and time.
Tips to Help You Keep The Narcissist Gone For Good
- Every time you think of them or text them, do something else. Go for a walk, put on your favorite song, call a friend—whatever it takes.
- Remind yourself of all the pain they put you through. When you miss somebody, it’s easy to think of the fragments of times they are nice. Those nice moments were only because the narcissist was playing you.
- Don’t buy into their love-bombing. You know the games they play and how they’ve worked in the past. It’s time to let that go.
- Work on yourself. What are your own needs? What do you want from life? Make those your focus.
- Block, delete and forget. They don’t deserve to know what you’re doing with your life.
- Eventually, the narcissist will tire of trying, and they will be more likely not to return.
Narcissists leave behind them bad memories, but those memories can stay in the past where they belong.
All you need to do is believe that you can live happily without them and that you don’t need them.
Only then will you see your potential to live without them interrupting your life and trying to return.
You want them gone for good?
Start today!
