Wait… Did you check everywhere?
And they’ve really gone this time?
But how do you know…?
That’s where a lot of people become totally stuck.
How do you know? Especially if the narcissist has that toxic gift for showing up when you least expect it.
Is there a way to know they’ve gone for the last time?
Can I promise you of that?
Let’s get to the answers.
The Cycle Predicts a Return…
The narcissistic cycle of abuse is one we are all growing to be more and more familiar with, isn’t it?
Idealization
Devaluation
Discard
Hoovering
It goes round and round and round, and it doesn’t stop until somebody changes.
When you assume the narcissist is gone for good, it often just feels like a stage in that cycle.
How many times have you thought, “No, this is really it. It’s really final this time.”
Only for … yep… you guessed it…
The return of the narcissist!
So yes – any true ending will feel familiar, because narcissistic relationships often end temporarily until they start back up again.
That doesn’t mean it can’t be different this time. It can be final.
This is all down to you, and how you draw a line behind you as you move forward.
What That Feels Like
Narcissistic cycles of abuse are what the narcissist creates for their victim. They are, by design, capable of keeping somebody right there in the palms of their hands for as long as they can keep them.
When narcissists discard you, they leave you high and dry with no warning. Some may call it ghosting, which is just as despicable and damaging.
To think you have the best person you’ve ever met in your life, to have them simply decide to up and leave, only affects you. For them, it was always going to be part of their plan.
Edge of Your Seat
When that discard happens again, you can’t convince yourself that it’ll be the last time fully.
The narcissist turns their back and leaves, and you have seen it all before. They walk off, a certain amount of time passes.
You go through the motions, and suddenly, as the wheel turns fully, they’re back, and you start the process over again.
So now, here you are.
And you feel like you want to sit on the edge of your seat and anticipate the familiar return.
Waiting For a Dramatic Entrance
Don’t mistake waiting for a narcissist to return as wanting them to come back. These are two separate things – and you must not allow them to blend.
Waiting for that dramatic entrance has been programmed into you.
You know now that it will happen and how you’ll feel. Yet you’ll be convinced “this time is different.”
It won’t be.
If you can keep remembering that, you will be more likely to refuse entrance another time.
I can’t stress enough that the only way it will be the last time, is if you draw a huge line under everything and do what you can to keep them at bay.
Getting On With Life
It’s up to you to start living life again after a narcissist leaves.
The more you fill your life up with things and people and hobbies that are good for you and that make you happy, the less likely the narcissist is to come back.
The key is not allowing them to come back, right?
They can knock on the door all they want, but if you don’t let them in, eventually, they will turn on their heel and leave.
Looking Over Your Shoulder
There will always be a part of you that will wonder if the narcissist is really gone this time. You might be assured they won’t return by the following:
- They’ve met somebody else
- They’ve moved
- They’ve told you they don’t want to do it again
- You’ve met somebody else
- You’ve moved
- You’ve told them you don’t want to do it again
Narcissists don’t really know when to close the door, because they always want to keep you as an option. If all else fails, they know you can provide them with the best supply.
Known to return in some way after years, narcissists can crop up in your DMs. They can email you or bump into you where they know you’ll be.
As time passes, you’ll look over your shoulder less and less, but that feeling of anticipation will never 100% leave people.
Time!
…Is the one thing you need.
I know that sounds cheesy, if a little predictable, but it’s true.
Time is the one concept you need on your side and the only thing that’s going to ensure the narcissist really has gone.
Don’t encounter temptations to lure them back, or indeed do the luring.
You want the familiar and intoxicating feeling of starting that cycle of abuse back up again.
The love. The excitement. The promises. But the word toxic sits right in the middle of ‘intoxicating’ for that very reason. And what you are looking for can be found in yourself instead, with a little time.
You want to be loved, but that can only happen if you learn what love is.
It all starts with you, and time.
Tips to Help You Keep The Narcissist Gone For Good
- Every time you think of them or text them, do something else. Go for a walk, put on your favorite song, call a friend—whatever it takes.
- Remind yourself of all the pain they put you through. When you miss somebody, it’s easy to think of the fragments of times they are nice. Those nice moments were only because the narcissist was playing you.
- Don’t buy into their love-bombing. You know the games they play and how they’ve worked in the past. It’s time to let that go.
- Work on yourself. What are your own needs? What do you want from life? Make those your focus.
- Block, delete and forget. They don’t deserve to know what you’re doing with your life.
- Eventually, the narcissist will tire of trying, and they will be more likely not to return.
Narcissists leave behind them bad memories, but those memories can stay in the past where they belong.
All you need to do is believe that you can live happily without them and that you don’t need them.
Only then will you see your potential to live without them interrupting your life and trying to return.
You want them gone for good?
Start today!
20 Things That Drive Narcissists Absolutely Nuts
We might all think Narcissists are the strong ones, the ones in control. But in reality, the Narcissist is busy maintaining his fake superior image.
They are fragile creatures inside, and they are afraid everyone will start to notice that.
The idea that they are exposed, being called out, or worse….being ignored drives them NUTS.
Here are 20 things that drive Narcissists Nuts.
#1 Being Called Out:
Narcissists hate when their manipulative tactics or lies are challenged or exposed, as it clashes with the facade they present.
When you call out a narcissist on their manipulative tactics or lies, it strikes a nerve; they loathe having their carefully crafted facade disturbed.
This challenge to their perceived perfection and control can provoke anger or even rage. They’ll often react defensively, redirect blame, or play the victim.
It’s a desperate attempt to maintain their self-created illusion.
#2 Dealing with the Truth
They do not like dealing with the truth, especially when it challenges their false self-image or deceptive narratives.
Narcissists find it incredibly difficult to confront the truth, particularly if it shatters their falsely constructed self-image or undermines their deceitful narratives.
They can’t stand it when reality doesn’t align with their skewed perceptions.
#3 Fighting Back
It can be deeply unsettling when someone reacts firmly against their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine.
Just as they struggle with accepting the truth, narcissists also have a tough time when their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine are met with firm resistance.
It’s deeply unsettling for them when you stand your ground, refusing to be manipulated or put down. They’re used to being in control, and your defiance shakes their world, leaving them frustrated and, often, furious.
#4 Standing Up for Yourself
They are annoyed when others stand up for themselves, as it goes against their desire for dominance.
Pushing back against a narcissist’s dominance can throw them off balance, and they resent anyone brave enough to stand their ground.
Narcissists crave control, and when you assert yourself, you’re denying them that. They can’t stand it when their power is threatened like this.
#5 Ignoring and Blocking Them
Narcissists like to be the center of attention. Being ignored or blocked shakes their esteemed self-image.
While standing your ground can rattle them, denying them the spotlight by ignoring or blocking their efforts is another effective way to shake a narcissist’s self-image.
They crave attention, and they’re left unsettled when you don’t give it.
#6 Silence
Silent treatment can be very aggravating for a narcissist who thrives on the attention.
In the grand theater of human interaction, your silence can be the most disturbing noise for a narcissist. They thrive on attention, and your refusal to engage strips them of that spotlight. It’s their kryptonite, rendering them powerless.
Your silence doesn’t just annoy them, it shakes their self-esteem. So, when dealing with a narcissist, sometimes, silence is golden.
#7 Using Grey Rock Method
A technique involving minimal response to their behavior. They despise being completely deprived of emotional responses to feed on.
Just as your silence can be disarming, employing the Grey Rock Method—giving minimal response to a narcissist’s behavior—can be equally, if not more, infuriating for them.
They thrive on emotional reactions, and you’re robbing them of their power by denying them that.
You’re not feeding their need for drama.
You’re simply a grey rock: uninteresting, unresponsive, and utterly frustrating for them.
#8 Exposure of Who They Are
The fear of revealing their genuine, often insecure self beneath the superficial perfection can cause distress.
Narcissists dread exposing their true selves, hidden beneath layers of crafted perfection and grandiosity. They fear the unveiling of their genuine, often insecure self. This fear isn’t groundless.
It’s possible to be seen without the mask, the facade they’ve meticulously built. The thought of their imperfections being laid bare can distress them immensely. It’s a reality they can’t stand to face.
#9 Being Laughed At
It can trigger a sense of shame or humiliation, challenging their grandiose self-image.
Imagine the scene: you’re laughing at a narcissist, perhaps pointing out a small mistake they’ve made.
This can ignite a deep sense of shame or humiliation in them, directly challenging their inflated self-image. They’re not used to being the butt of a joke.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s a direct hit to their ego and can make them livid.
#10 Knowledge Gap
It can be very irksome for them if they are out of the loop or others know something they don’t.
When you’re privy to information that a narcissist isn’t, it’s like a thorn in their side. They can’t stand being out of the loop. Knowledge gaps drive them crazy.
It’s not just about feeling left out, it’s about their need to be superior. If you know something they don’t, it challenges their self-perceived dominance, and that’s a bitter pill for them to swallow.
#11 Reputational Damage
Narcissists value their reputation and public image highly and any harm to it can drive them into a rage.
If there’s even a hint of damage to their meticulously crafted public image, it can send a narcissist spiraling into a fit of rage. They’ve spent years building and polishing their reputation, so any slight, real or perceived, feels like a personal affront.
They can’t tolerate being seen as anything less than perfect, so they’ll do anything to prevent their image from tarnishing.
#12 Losing Control
Any loss of control, especially over others’ lives, is deeply frustrating and threatening to them.
Just as a narcissist can’t stand the thought of a tarnished reputation, losing control, particularly over others’ lives, deeply unnerves them. You’ll find them scrambling to regain their power, their self-worth attached to the puppeteer’s strings.
They feel threatened and cornered. Any hint of independence from you is met with manipulation, tantrums, or cold dismissal. It’s their desperate bid to remain at the helm, in control.
#13 Denial
Saying “No” to a narcissist can spark extreme anger as they’re not used to being denied what they want.
Denying a narcissist something they want isn’t just a simple ‘no’ for them; it’s an insult to their entitlement, which often triggers an extreme reaction. This ‘no’ sparks an anger they can’t easily quell, because they’re unaccustomed to denial.
#14 Refusing to Play Along
Not feeding into their manipulation games can provoke their ire.
When you refuse to participate in a narcissist’s web of manipulation, their frustration often manifests as anger and hostility. They’re used to having control and playing mind games.
But standing your ground, not feeding into their tactics, truly irks them. It disrupts their power dynamics, forcing them to face an uncomfortable reality: they can’t always get their way.
#15 Losing
They have a deep need always to win. Losing, whether in work, social scenarios, or relationships, can frustrate them.
Narcissists are exceedingly competitive, and a loss in any area of life, whether professional or personal, can send them into frustration and resentment. They’re driven by a need always to win. When they don’t, it’s not just a setback, but a personal affront.
This extreme reaction to losing can lead to strained relationships and workplace conflicts as they struggle to regain control.
#16 Cutting Off Contact
Going ‘no contact’ deprives them of the control and attention they seek, driving them into a frenzy.
Have you ever considered what happens to a narcissist when you cut off all contact?
It drives them absolutely nuts. Narcissists thrive on control and attention; without it, they’re sent into a tailspin.
Going ‘no contact’ strips them of their power, leaving them scrambling for a way to regain it.
It’s a simple yet effective way to kick them off their self-built pedestal.
#17 Independent Thoughts and Opinions
Narcissists strongly dislike when others show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions.
Exerting your independence and voicing your thoughts and opinions can truly rattle a narcissist’s cage. They can’t stand it when you show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions. It’s like a direct blow to their inflated ego, leaving them feeling threatened.
#18 Seeing Others’ Success
Other people’s success, especially when surpassing their own, provokes envy and resentment.
When you shine brighter than them, particularly in areas they value, narcissists can’t help but feel a twinge of envy and resentment. Your success, especially if it surpasses their own, drives them up the wall.
It’s a blow to their inflated self-image, triggering feelings of inadequacy. They’re left grappling with bitterness, struggling to accept that someone else is outshining them.
#19 Displaying Empathy
They can’t understand or appreciate empathetic behavior, often viewing it as a weakness.
Just as your success irks them, showing empathy – a trait they can neither understand nor appreciate – is another thing that drives narcissists up the wall. They view it as a sign of weakness, not strength.
This inability to comprehend empathy often leads to frustration and confusion. So, when you’re kind and understanding, you’re not just being good. You’re also getting under a narcissist’s skin.
#20 Feeling Inferior
Anything that makes them feel less superior or important can spark intense negative reactions.
Narcissists often struggle intensely with feelings of inferiority, and anything that suggests they’re less superior or important can trigger extreme negative reactions. They’ll interpret this as a clear sign of disrespect if you slight or overlook them.
They can’t stand being outshone or feeling second best. Always needing to be the center of attention, they’ll overreact if they sense they’re not.
