Narcissists are known to test boundaries. They see your space, and they do not hesitate in stepping over the line of acceptance that you have created.
Why?
Because they feel it’s their natural and entitled right to do so.
Boundaries are no joke – and narcissists know this.
They will test your boundaries and keep testing until they have you cracked.
Being ignored while simultaneously being walked all over is a really confusing place to be.
But why does it happen? And how exactly do narcissists test those boundaries?
Your Boundaries Survived: Until Now
You’ve probably been proud of yourself to date. You’ve had boundaries, and they’ve remained pretty darn strong. You know yourself, you know your values, and your morals are strong.
Meeting a narcissist largely calls for an increase in boundaries – ones you never imagine even having.
You never thought you’d need to tell somebody that you won’t tolerate shouting of any kind, or that no means no.
To you, surely these are just ‘normal and healthy ways to live.’
Well, yes. But narcissists aren’t normal, are they?
To have to tell them you need them to back off and stop pushing when you’ve said no 5 times shouldn’t even be up for discussion.
Yet here you are, having to do it.
Narcissists will test you, and navigating that is certainly no picnic.
Narcissists: Do They Have Any?
Healthy boundaries don’t exist with a narcissist. This comes as a surprise, really, because if they had them, they’d also know how to maneuver the boundaries of others.
That doesn’t happen, either.
Narcissists are more known for their limits.
There is a limit to what they will tolerate.
There is a limit to the amount of emotional intimacy they will engage in.
Anything that digs toward them potentially being a better person, they will place limitations on.
A narcissist loves to overstep other people’s boundaries, yet places nothing but firm and strict limits on what they allow in their life.
It just doesn’t make sense to so many!
A narcissist isn’t going to think anything of your boundaries if they’re something they themselves lack, and that’s the bottom line here.
The Disrespect: Expect Nothing Less
One thing you will need to comprehend is that this is typical narcissist behavior. You aren’t being treated differently to anybody else who has to deal with a narcissist on a daily basis.
None of them know how to work healthily with boundaries.
None of them appreciate what boundaries you set for yourself.
And certainly none of them go about treating you with respect, just because you ‘asked them to.’
Ways Narcissists Test Your Boundaries
#1 Physically
‘Physical’ covers so much, doesn’t it? From invading your personal space, to touching your hair, arm, face etc. Does it make you feel comfortable? If the answer is no, then they are violating your boundaries.
Many narcissists do this to try and engage with you in a more intense manner. They think by physically reaching out to you they can connect with you.
It doesn’t work because an over-the-top general presence usually accompanies any touch.
Things Can Get Serious – Very Quickly
Now we can go a step further and talk more about the inappropriate physicalness of a narcissist.
When they don’t respect how slowly you want to take things, or if they just feel you should adhere to whatever they want to do – it’s a huge violation.
It’s not okay. It’s really not okay.
#2 Emotionally
My boundary is that I will not engage with anybody who shouts at me.
Okay. Here, the narcissist will push and push you, until you get to the point where you snap at them. Then they will remind you that your boundary was no shouting, and that you violated it yourself.
Number one – the blame is naturally pushed onto you because that’s what they do.
Number two – you aren’t to blame for how you responded to their constant attempts to manipulate that response from you.
My boundary is that we will not carry resentment, and instead voice any concerns we have.
This is an interesting one, because resentment is subjective. You can resent the narcissist for always working late and never telling you where they are. The narcissist can resent you for, well, whatever they feel like.
As a result, the narcissist may bring up many different issues simply because you prefer to talk about them.
Suddenly, you’re talking all the time, but the conversations lead to nothing but arguing. Now, the narcissist is going to shrug and say, “Well you said to talk if we don’t feel happy. So I’m talking.”
That’s not what you meant – but then you’re to blame for “changing the rules.”
It’s impossible. Every day with a narcissist is impossible.
#3 Financially
One kind of boundary that doesn’t often get talked about is that of financial.
Now, you could have a debt free life, with a great credit score. Your boundary is that this is maintained to keep your name free from financial burden or strain.
You may have worked hard to get to that point, and you’re proud of that.
Then the narcissist comes along…
Trouble Brews
They tell you they need your help. They want you to lend them money. They see your credit card with zero balance, and use it to book an all-inclusive vacation for you both.
Debts start racking up, and before you know it, you owe more than you make.
And the worst part?
The narcissist refuses to pay you back, telling you that it’s your responsibility, or making excuses as to why they can’t.
#4 Vocally
Not wanting your business splashed across town is uncommon or unusual. You might inform the narcissist of this, especially your love life or any intimate details of it.
It’s a boundary that we are all entitled to have, and quite right, too.
Narcissists won’t care, and they won’t hesitate to bragging about you or whining about you if they need to or want attention.
I Will Not Back Down!
Other vocal examples can include how they refuse to back down if they want to know where you’re going. You enjoy a weekly meet up with your best friend, but they don’t stop asking where you’re going.
Who will be there? How long are you going for? Why do you need to go every week? You’re not wearing that are you? It’s a little revealing. Why can’t you take the narcissist out once a week instead? Is it because you don’t enjoy being with them?
The questions can become too much, and sometimes that’s enough for a person to say, “Okay look. I’m just not going to go anymore. It’s too much hassle.”
Hey presto! The narcissist got what they wanted, by completely testing you to the point where you give up entirely.
