If you feel like a narcissist has been spying on you, you’re probably onto something. Based on the narcissist’s need for power and control, spying isn’t out of the question for them.

This behavior might shock or concern you, leaving you wondering how to catch them. The first step is recognizing the various modalities the narcissist may use to pry into your life.

So, if you feel like someone’s watching you, it’s important to be aware of the strategies below. Knowledge is power! 

How the narcissist spies

The narcissist has several tools in their toolbox, and they will make use of them when they feel the need to keep watch over you.

The narcissist may spy to maintain an advantage over you. If they know your secrets and all of your comings and goings, they can use them against you if needed. 

Narcissists are also quite insecure beneath the surface. So, they may spy because they believe you’re secretly betraying them.

Regardless of their specific reason for spying, the narcissist believes themselves to be quite sneaky. They think they can get away with spying without ever being caught. 

Outsmarting the narcissist 

Unfortunately for the narcissist, they aren’t always the smartest one in the room, even if they believe themselves to be. Once you’re wise to their ways, you can catch them in the act of spying.

By becoming aware of their spy tools, you can obtain an advantage over them. Look out for these strategies, and you’ll be wise to their tactics.

#1 Questioning your friends 

When the narcissist wants inside information about your whereabouts, they’ll simply ask your friends. They’ll think they’re awfully sly, because they won’t present their questions as if they’re spying.

Instead, they’ll pretend to be concerned about your well-being. They’ll tell your friends that they’re just so worried you haven’t been as responsive lately, hoping that your friends will spill the details. 

Or, they will present themselves as overly charming, simply engaging your friends in friendly banter. As they gain your friends’ trust, they’ll slide in and ask about your personal life. 

#2 Stalking on social media

Social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram give the narcissist an opportunity to spy on you while they hide in plain sight.

They’ll check out your friends list, post history, and likes. They may go so far as to stalk others’ profiles to see whose photos you’re commenting on and liking.

If the narcissist is feeling especially sneaky, they might make fake profiles to check on your activities. This allows them to get all the information they want, without revealing their identity. 

#3 Monitoring your devices 

Narcissists will use any form of technology they can to track your behaviors and location. This can range from requesting to have your cell phone location, all the way to installing tracking devices on your phone without your knowledge or consent.

Since the narcissist has a strong sense of entitlement, they also won’t see anything wrong with looking through your text messages, call history, or emails on your phone or tablet. 

They’ll also check the browser history on your computer or tablet, so they can see every website you’ve viewed. 

#4 Reading your mail

The narcissist isn’t above sifting through your mail if they want to find something out about you. They may intercept your mail without your knowledge, to see what you’re up to.

They’ll take a look at bills, credit card statements, and even letters from close family. All of this gives them additional information about your private life. 

The narcissist might even go so far as to dissect every detail of your credit card statement, linking all of your transactions to where you were on a specific date. 

#5 Showing up at your favorite hangouts

Narcissists are experts at getting to know you. They’ll act like they’re super interested in your hobbies and activities.

Deep down, they don’t actually care about your interests. They’re just collecting as much data as possible about you, so they can use it against you in the future.

Once they know everything you like, they’ll be prepared for some spying. They might “coincidentally” show up at the coffee shop you frequent on the way to work, or “just so happen” to run into you at your favorite weekend hangouts. 

#6 Physical surveillance techniques 

This is a pretty extreme example, but in the most severe cases of spying, the narcissist might use physical surveillance techniques.

This could involve installing a camera outside your house to see when you come and go, or hiding a camera inside to monitor you in your own home. 

Keep in mind, installing surveillance devices in someone’s home without their consent is probably a crime! 

#7 Using their flying monkeys

You’re probably aware of the term “flying monkeys” if you have a narcissist in your life. If you’re not familiar, flying monkeys are the narcissist’s little sidekicks.

They serve as allies and enablers, helping the narcissist to carry out their dirty work. When the narcissist wants to spy, they might send a flying monkey after you.

This could include a range of different activities. The flying monkey may simply strike up a conversation with you, pretending to be interested in your life. Their end goal is to relay information back to the narcissist. 

Alternatively, the narcissist may send a flying monkey to spy on you secretly, and then report back to the narcissist. A flying monkey could lurk in the background at your workplace, favorite restaurant, or neighborhood. 

How to deal with spying

Now that you’re aware of the specific techniques a narcissist uses to spy, you can look out for these behaviors.

You might have convinced yourself you were imagining things, but hopefully, you now realize that spying behavior is quite common. If you get the feeling the narcissist is spying, they probably are.

Keeping a close watch on you means the narcissist can maintain power and control and stay one step ahead of you.

They feel entitled to know every little detail of your personal life, and they don’t care if they have to violate your privacy to access it. 

Protecting yourself

If you think the narcissist in your life is spying, you don’t have to let them get away with it. Keep all of your personal devices and accounts password-protected, and be mindful of who you allow to follow you on social media.

You can also choose to call them out on their spying behavior if you feel safe doing so. Remember, they may try to gaslight you into believing that you’re imagining things.

Or, they might try to argue that your “bad behavior” means they must keep a close eye on you. Regardless of what they try to do, don’t fall for their games.

And, if you feel unsafe, you have a right to seek help. 

7 Narcissist Hobbies that are Instant Red Flags 

Hobbies are great, right? I mean, we all have them. We pass the time doing things we love – and it’s good for the soul.

Narcissists also have hobbies but aren’t always necessarily what you might expect. These hobbies are often for self-gain in different ways than the usual pottery or yoga class.

Nope. These hobbies are huge red flags.

The hobbies of a narcissist are designed to improve and maintain their image solely.

Let’s take a look at 7 hobbies of a narcissist that are instant red flags.

#1 Exterior House Improvements

Wow, what a beautiful house!

I love what you’ve done with the place!

It looks amazing – you’re so talented.

You have such an eye for colors and visions. 

Yadda, yadda. Undoubtedly, anything that involves making improvements to the outside of the house will gain attention from others.

Narcissists love this. They love to be seen up a ladder with a paintbrush or building new fences. Neighbors will be drawn to coming over and asking them questions bout what they’re doing and say things like:

 I don’t know how you find the time to fit it all in.

You’re obviously somebody who takes pride in where they live.

Good on you for wanting to make your home a nice place to live. 

These comments will fill the narcissist with the assurance that they are good people. It will almost be like validation for them – and the narcissist is going to lap up every word.

They don’t actually care about painting. If they could leave it, they would. 

But…

They have an image to maintain.

#2 Lavishly Decorating for Holidays

When the holidays roll around, whatever they may be, the narcissist will want to have the biggest and best decorations imaginable. 

Cutting short of being completely tasteless, they will bring the particular holiday to life and use these decorations to get people excited. Most holiday decorations bring out the inner child in us all. Narcissists love it the most when children’s eyes light up.

Children are some of the most impressionable people on the planet. Their innocent natures just see people for face value, and anyone who smiles and has bright lights or fun decorations outside their house has to be a fun person, too!

#3 Spending Time on Dating Apps “For Fun”

You’re going to cringe at this one, but it’s a fact that narcissists ‘use dating apps for fun.’

Many who are in relationships will openly admit to having them on their phone to their partners because they see it as a hobby.

Narcissists are some of the most judgemental people on the planet. They feel they have the god given right to be able to look at others through a critical lens just because. 

What does that mean for you?

Frequently, you can find them on dating apps, laughing to themselves, maybe even showing you!

Look at this person, who would want them?

Well, they’re far too good for this site.

They’ll tell you it’s fun, but for you, it’ll only make your self-esteem dip. How can someone be so critical of others based on their looks? What does that mean for you?

Having dating apps on their phone is a huge red flag for any spouse. To be so brazen to use them in front of you and treat it like a big joke is really quite insensitive and disturbing.

Narcissists to a tee!

#4 Whatever ‘You’ Like to Do

Mirroring is a classic narcissistic tactic. They tend to jump on your bandwagon of loves, passions and hobbies to get you to think you ‘have everything in common.’

Oh really? I love that band too!

I’ve always been interested in hiking!

I love to take time to meditate every day. It’s so good for my mental health.

Little by little, you will think about how much you are suited. 

Mirroring is actually a way to get you to feel a certain attachment toward the narcissist. It’s helpful to them to know you are invested in them, so the likelihood of you leaving becomes pretty much non-existent. 

Prepare for red flags to fly high when you spot someone loving everything you love. It’s actually nice to meet someone with whom you have one or two mutual hobbies. It’s also nice to know you like different things, so you can maintain your independence and identity. 

Narcissists don’t want that for you. 

#5 Working Out Obsessively 

Exercise is healthy. We are constantly told to keep our bodies and minds as healthy as possible because life, right?

If you meet someone totally obsessed with going to the gym, but beyond that, obsessed with their image in unfathomable ways – watch for what that means. 

It’s good to know that a person is taking care of themselves but not to the point where it’s all they do. Constantly checking themselves in the mirror and loving themselves means deep insecurities exist.

While insecurities don’t solely point to narcissism, they indicate a level of unhealthiness. Red flags are born here. 

The gym isn’t a narcissistic place, but narcissists are known to congregate here because of all the compliments they would receive as a result of constant working out. 

They love the guts, they love the glory. 

#6 Gambling

I don’t want to create a strong link between narcissists and gambling, but there is an addictive link between the two that can be a red flag.

Narcissists have an addictive personality. Their personalities lean heavily to addictions to wealth, power, status or fame. 

Maybe even all!

They exaggerate their achievements and crave admiration and praise from others daily. 

So then let’s look at how addictive this can all be, and how damaging it is to like something such as gambling. 

If you meet somebody who is known for enjoying gambling to the point where they’d consider it a hobby…

It’s time to see it as a red flag. 

#7 Using Their Own Narcissistic Habits Like Hobbies

This one may not appear too obvious at first, but think about it.

We do a lot of what we tend to like, right?

Suppose the narcissist in your life spends a lot of time criticizing, belittling, punishing, exerting their power, and generally being unpleasant. In that case, it will be a red flag you can’t ignore.

Narcissists love to get stuck in other people’s business. They love to ridicule and tear down friends, family, or even strangers and acquaintances. 

They enjoy it so much that barely a moment goes by where they can resist. 

Noticing this really brings out the ugly in that narcissist (if it wasn’t already obviously in vision…)

Look out for these crass displays – and avoid them as a result.