How Do Narcissists Sabotage Divorce?

Narcissists love to drag out the divorce process!

They know their marriage is over but don’t want to make it official. You’d think they would, right? You’d think they would want to pick up their toxic backpack and get out of there – NOPE.

There will be further mind games. There will be further manipulation tactics they use to delay the inevitable. 

The narcissist will unlock every single ounce of emotional discomfort and frustration with you before they leave.

They want to make sure they go out with a bang – and it will be a battle you won’t want to enter again.

The question is – why?

I’ve got you covered.

The Power Play

Narcissists and power are like little best friends. Remember the kid in the playground at school, going round demanding people play with them? You’d see them approaching, and you’d look busy, or dart in another direction.

The power play doesn’t have an age limit, and that child will grow up to make your life hell in many other ways. 

When you enter divorce proceedings with a narcissist, their need for power and control isn’t going to just stop. Need and control is how they exert one last bolster of manipulation your way, and they will keep that control for as long as they can.

Stuck in Limbo

What does this mean for you?

Well, the good news (because I like to be positive), is that you’re divorcing a narcissist!

The bad news is… 

You’re divorcing a narcissist.

The two are the same, but there is something to dread, and that’s how the narcissist delays the divorce. 

So you get stuck in limbo. You can’t move forward, it’s impossible to go back and change it all, so what do you do?

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To an extent, you are at the mercy of the narcissist, who will do things in their own sweet time. This doesn’t have to remain that way though, and if you are really struggling, the legal side of things will need to be ramped up. 

Nobody needs to hang around in limbo waiting for freedom, but it’ll be the narcissist’s last chance to power over you, and they won’t go out without a fight.

Dragging It Out: It’s a Battle

Of course – the battle is eventually going to end, but it has been known for people to take years to be legally free from a narcissist finally. 

Divorce is looked upon by anybody toxic as a failure to hold onto somebody. Expect there to be fireworks as a result of your relationship breaking down. 

The battle will often involve people you know, and family and friends are of particular interest to the narcissist. They will want anybody and everybody on their side. 

Narcissists’ Tactics to Delay Divorce

You’d better believe the narcissist will have more than a few tricks up their sleeves. Delaying the divorce will almost become a hobby for them. Here’s what to watch out for:

“I’m Busy!”

Narcissists will always ‘appear’ busy when they know you want something from them. Divorce, however, isn’t just something, is it? It’s a really crucial part of your journey of healing and recovery. It’s also an integral part of moving on, especially from somebody so toxic and damaging.

Their ‘busyness’ is nothing but a stalling tactic to get you annoyed and further frustrated that the divorce isn’t near to being finalized. 

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It’s also a sad way for them to pretend they have a life other than dealing with signing contracts. They want you to know that this divorce is just a part of their life. 

Don’t think you’re all that’s going on – you’re ‘not that important!’

Trying to Haggle

Divorce always comes with conditions, and it can get messy even at the best of times.

When splitting assets, finances or even agreeing on custody of children or pets, expect difficulties. Expect the narcissist to never agree on what you want, and for them to not back down. They were born to always assume their own way will be the way. 

If you’re going to write your list of requirements down, the narcissist will haggle, refute and deny you just to make the whole proceeding that little bit (or alot…) more painful. 

Financial Power Push: One Last Time

I earn all the money, and you aren’t getting a penny!

I’m not splitting my pension for you!

The house is mine! You can have the car and the holiday apartment.

No, it doesn’t work that way, and you know it. 

Narcissists will grip onto everything they can. The refusal to negotiate will be your last straw, but you must hold your ground. If you have a single ounce of sense or determination, you will look for the best lawyer to help give you not only what you want, but what you are entitled to by law.

What you have to understand about the narcissist is how much they value and crave control at all times. Divorcing isn’t going to be the time they suddenly back down and hand you everything on a plate.

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Is it stressful? Yes.

Do you do it anyway? Absolutely!

Stirring Conflict – Be Aware

As if the narcissist needs an excuse to stir anything??

Conflict is their middle name. They will use divorce as an excuse to disagree on everything that comes from your mouth.

If you want to meet to discuss the divorce – they won’t.

If you tell people you’re happy the divorce is happening, the narcissist will delay even further. 

If you so much as mutter anything detrimental about the narcissist, they will ignore your calls, texts and emails regarding proceedings.

You won’t believe how many people, every good intention, think they can divorce without a lawyer. The innocent party hopes for an amicable parting of ways, but how often exactly does that happen?

Almost never.

The narcissist isn’t interested in parting in peace. 

The conflict isn’t going to stop just because you’re separating. In fact, it’ll be the narcissist’s excuse needed to start throwing your name around like it’s mud.

They’ve got nothing to lose after all, right? 

The Shame is Real…

Narcissists don’t want a divorce tag around their neck, because they’re all about the status. Desperate to be seen as a successful person with an unbreakable image, the divorce will imply to others that something broke the relationship.

They don’t want people to suspect it was them. 

If they can hold on to the marriage for as long as possible, they can keep that internal shame from rising and becoming obvious to everybody.

Narcissists need a reason to offer when people question them about their divorce – so prepare for your name to be dragged out. 

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