Narcissists behave in ways that are abusive, insidious, unacceptable and toxic. 

They don’t care about your feelings, and the less you respond to their abuse, the more they will bully you.

Part of the reason why their behavior can appear so normalized is due to how much of a show they put on in the eyes of others. 

A smile here.

A compliment there.

A grand gesture here.

A gift there.

Soon enough, people turn a blind eye to what’s really going on.

And?

The narcissist gets away with everything.

How do they do it…

Narcissists and Perfection

Narcissists have a weird idea about perfection…

…That tends to be: One rule for them, and another for you.

You see, they have to be perfect. Anything less is going to knock their image right off the perch they built for themselves.

They spend every day exuding perfection, and they work hard to be consistent with it. 

Imperfection is weakness.

And you know what?

They will tell you so if you do anything less than perfect. 

I know what you’re thinking…

…But Alexander… Surely that’s sheer double standards.

Of course it is!

That’s where the one rule for them, and another for you comes in.

I’ll tell you why there are some hefty double standards when it comes to perfection:

It means the narcissist can get away with whatever they want, and you can’t.

Who Can Measure Up?!

Nobody.

Nobody measures up to the narcissist’s perfection in their eyes, but in reality it’s a different story. You know nobody is perfect, but they would disagree. They would tell you:

Look, I can do no wrong. I’m always right. In fact, I challenge you to tell me I’m wrong.

You know something different though. You know the narcissist can be a terrible person, who does things that not only upsets you, but upsets others too.

So what happens then? Surely that takes away every ounce of perfection they cling so tightly too?

Here It Is…

“Nobody’s Perfect!”

It’s the line you’ve all been waiting for – and how narcissists cover up their behavior by trying to normalize imperfection.

Which is interesting, right? All that time they push their perfection onto us – for them to then say they actually aren’t perfect?

I find it extremely interesting that narcissists eradicate their usual, “I’m perfect and can do no wrong” image to admit that nobody is perfect. It’s a subtly unsubtle way of including themselves in that, without actually saying so.

And yes, they’re right, of course. That’s the one thing you can’t argue with. You know that nobody is perfect, and you know you can’t correct them.

They know that, too. 

So where does that leave you?

What Does the Narcissist Mean?!

We all know the narcissist is looking for a way out, here.

When they come to you, with a shrug of their shoulder, and tell you that nobody is perfect, they mean one thing:

Okay fine. You caught me. I did this. But you know what? Name somebody who is completely perfect. Yeah, I may have slipped up – but sometimes in life, that’s just what happens. You’re going to have to deal with it.

The narcissist isn’t concerned with how you feel about whatever happened. They’re only concerned with getting out of the corner they feel backed into. So they bring in every single person in the world to fit their narrative.

‘Nobody’s Perfect.’

Now – don’t get me wrong – I know nobody’s perfect, and so do you. It’s a fact that no matter how much we love somebody, the idea that perfection exists will never fit that person.

Because we’re human! We make mistakes. And we grow accountable for what we do wrong.

And that is where we take a turn.

And What This Does To You…

 It leaves you with no real moral leg to stand on. As the narcissist confronts you with how they feel about perfection, you’re left reeling on the inside. 

 Situations Where You Might Hear “Nobody’s Perfect”

You Caught Them Cheating

I know. I know what you want to say. You want to tell them how betrayed you feel and how much it hurts to know they chose somebody else over you behind your back.

And you’d be right to want to do all of those things.

The narcissist will throw all kinds of excuses your way.

Life has been hard for them.

They feel unseen by you (yep, it can actually be ‘your fault’).

They were worried you were going to leave them.

It goes on and on – but they never take responsibility for what they do, and they normalize it with excuses.

You Found Messages From Other Women On Their Phone

Here’s the great phrase they will say:

Well, it’s not like I’m meeting with any of them. It’s just harmless flirting. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just who I am. I like to talk to people.

Well actually, that completely destroys the excuses for actually cheating. It also lets you know that they think so little of you. To go behind your back and get their kicks with other women’s attention is both immature and hurtful. 

Their excuse is that it means nothing – but it means something to you. That aspect will be ignored. 

Narcissists don’t care about you, after all. 

They Forgot To Show Up When It Mattered

Oops, I’m not perfect – I forgot it was today.

First of all – narcissists are adults and have the ability to own a calendar or diary and they can write down what they need to do. If it was something they wanted to do – they’d not forget. 

They Forgot Your Birthday/Anniversary

You? Your birthday? Oh, it’s our anniversary?

Oops, again.

Look, I’ve been busy. Work has been crazy. I forgot.

It matters to show up on the important days for your spouse or friend, no excuses. 

They Didn’t Keep To Their Word

You said you would, and you didn’t do it.

Well, that’s future faking for a start. Narcissists make promises, and seldom keep them. The promises are made initially to keep you happy, but they never amount to anything.

Is this normal behavior? No.

Is it acceptable? Well, the narcissist will think so if they tell you they aren’t perfect…

They Don’t Help You With Errands or Chores

Why would they? Hey. Nobody’s perfect.

I pay the mortgage and bought you the car you drive – if I don’t help you with the dinner, maybe it’s because I had a bad day. You’ve got a roof over your head, though.

Narcissists will get out of anything they don’t want to do by pretending they can only stretch themselves so far. 

Conveniently only as far as they’re willing to stretch…

They Forget To Pay A Bill

This can become problematic if it affects your credit score – but yes – narcissists can be careless when it comes to bill paying. Again, they will blame being busy or having too much to work through. 

Ultimately, they’re sloppy with being on time, and they decide when they’re going to pay.

Even energy companies don’t get to tell them what to do!

I’m not perfect. I forgot. 

Except great – now you have a fine to contend with.