Last Updated on January 24, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Narcissists see life as a game, and their main aim is to win. Ending a relationship with them isn’t something they’re used to because they have mastered their craft. THEY do the dumping and not you. So don’t expect to walk away from the relationship that easily.
They’ll do everything in their power to reel you back in. But not because they love you, miss you, and want to be with you, but so they can have the last laugh.
If you want a peaceful life after you leave your partner, I would advise leaving town and keeping your location a secret. Narcissists are relentless, and when they are wounded, they won’t surrender without a fight.
If you want to know “how do narcissists feel when you move on”, keep reading.
How Do Narcissists Feel When You Move On?
It’s normal to feel slighted when you’ve been dumped, and an ex-partner moves on. Deep down, you might feel as if you were not good enough, and now they’ve ditched you, they’ve found the man or woman of their dreams.
However, eventually, the rational mind will conclude that it just wasn’t meant to be, and they’ll get on with life. Unfortunately, with a Narcissistic ex, it doesn’t work like this, and they’ll experience feelings in a way that the average person doesn’t.
#1 The Narcissist Will Get Angry
a Breakup is for most narcissists a huge blow to their self-esteem. What it means to them is that their cover has blown. You’ve seen through the mask, and the picture of perfection they attempted to paint failed.
It means the self-hatred they tried to bury has come to the surface, and the person they’re with no longer sees them as some angelic being but a flawed human just like everyone else.
By walking away, you’re cutting off narcissistic supply, which will trigger intense feelings of rage that they may not be able to control. My advice is that if you’re planning on leaving, don’t have a conversation about it; just go.
The anger displayed by typical narcissists is not normal; they are reacting to the feeling of shame they experience when their insecurities come to the surface.
You can’t predict how narcissistic rage will manifest, it could be passive or aggressive. But it’s the aggressive side you don’t want to be on the receiving end of because it could get violent.
#2 Narcissists Feel Cheated
The narcissist will feel cheated out of their opportunity to be the winner. As mentioned, they’re the ones who end relationships, not the victim.
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Narcissists must control every aspect of their and their partners’ lives. The fact that they couldn’t see this coming will cut like a knife. Remember, life is one big game to the narcissist, and losing can only mean one thing: the winner found a way to get ahead by cheating.
Once they realize they’ve been blind-sighted, they are going to want revenge.
#3 The Narcissist Will Want Revenge
Narcissists have an arsenal of revenge tactics, they won’t go down without a fight. Here are some stunts you can expect the narcissist to pull when you break up with them.
Your friends and family will love your narcissistic lover you’re the only person who knows how vicious your Narcissistic ex really was. Therefore, the narcissist will fight tooth and nail to ensure their reputation remains intact.
After the breakup, they’ll go running to your inner circle to tell everyone how evil you were, how manipulative you were, and how you’ve totally destroyed their self-esteem.
Basically, everything the narcissist did to you, they’ll say you did to them. They’ll put on an Oscar award-winning performance, and most people will fall for it.
The next thing you know, your phone will be blowing up with everyone wanting to know why you maltreated your partner.
#4 The Narcissist Won’t Take Responsibility
Narcissists are incapable of self-reflection, and they will never own up to the role they played in the breakdown of the relationship. Instead, they will blame you; if you left, it’s because of how you made them treat you.
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They only scream at you because you’re disobedient. They only call you fat because you refuse to go to the gym; they only call you stupid because you don’t take their advice. In other words, every terrible thing your partner has ever done to you was because you made them do it.
Since everything was your fault, it means the only way the relationship will work is if you change. And that’s how the narcissist hopes you’ll see things so that you’ll come groveling back and overexerting yourself trying to become the world’s best lover.
How Do Narcissists React When You Move On?
They don’t react very well. You can expect the narcissist to launch a world war three military-style attack on you. After breaking up with a narcissist, prepare yourself for the fight of your life.
#1 The Narcissist Will Promise to Change
If your Narcissistic ex has access to you, they’ll resort back to the love-bombing stage. Expect to start getting flowers and gifts sent to you at home or at work; they’ll send you text messages, emails, and handwritten letters confessing their undying love for you.
The narcissist may even turn up at your place of residence. The strategy here is to hook you by reminding you of how good the relationship used to be.
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They’ll promise that things will get back to the way things were, and you’ll feel safe this time, and they’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Don’t get sucked in; this is precisely how they got their claws into you in the first place.
#2 The Narcissist Will Insist You’ve Made a Mistake
After being in a relationship with a narcissist for some time, you won’t have much faith in yourself.
All you’ve heard since you got together is that you’re incapable of thinking for yourself and that you need them for everything.
Apparently, you can’t dress, you can’t feed yourself, you can’t cross the road by yourself. You’ve become dependent on them because they’ve convinced you that you need to be.
If that’s the case, how can you possibly be capable of a breakup? Typical narcissist style will tell you that you’re not in the right frame of mind, you’re making a silly mistake and you should just come home and put all your antics behind you.
#3 The Narcissist Will Make You Feel Guilty For Leaving
Guilt is like a weapon of mass destruction to the narcissist. They know they can drop it on you at any time and it will work because in a twisted way, what they’re saying is justified.
One of the reasons why narcissists invest so much during the love-bombing stage is because they know they can use it against you later.
Your ex-lover will remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, the vacations they took you on, the clothes and gifts they bought you. How they loved and cared for you when everyone else abandoned you.
Your narcissist will resort to telling you how unkind, cruel, selfish, stingy, and greedy you are for walking out when you basically owe them your life.
The narcissist hopes that accusations like this will make you feel awful, that it will break your heart to know that they think this way about you.
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If they are successful at manipulating your feelings like this, your response will be to come groveling back and spend the rest of your days trying to prove that you’re not the wicked witch of east wick they think you are.
#4 The Narcissist Will Stalk You on Every Platform
Narcissists are predators, and their aim is to capture your heart and demolish your soul. When predators start losing control, they grab hold of their prey even tighter.
Rejection is the narcissist’s worst nightmare, it’s a personal attack on their character, and that is not something they take lightly.
After the breakup, one of their coping mechanisms will be to fantasize that you’re still together. Even if the narcissist has moved on, they won’t allow you to. I’m sure you had plenty of arguments about them maintaining contact with their exes when you were together.
They fought tooth and nail to convince you that they have every right to remain friends with their former lovers. Please understand that it’s all about control, and they were probably stalking them too.
They want to know every last detail about their exes’ lives, how they feel, what they’re thinking, what they’re doing, where they’re going.
Outside of bombarding you with phone calls, emails, text messages, and turning up at your house and job, they’ll track your movements.
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You can expect them to use certain apps that connect to your phone or social media accounts. If the narcissist can’t find you, they may even go as far as hiring a private detective to track you down.
#5 The Narcissist Will Attack Your New Partner
Narcissists have convinced themselves that they’re the best thing since sliced bread. They’re utterly delusional in believing that you couldn’t possibly want to be with anyone else because there is no one better than them.
Because you’ve moved on to someone new, your new partner serves as a constant reminder that they were not good enough for you, so they’ll launch an attack against them.
They’ll start spreading false truths about your new lover and slandering their name on every corner. The narcissist will attempt to destroy your relationship by starting cheating rumors.
Your ex-lover will attack your new lover on every side, if they can’t wear you down, they’ll start working on your significant other.
Do Narcissists Let You Move on? Do They Want You Back?
The narcissist will not let you move on without a fight. They’ll call you drunk in the middle of the night crying and blubbering down the phone about how broken they are because you’ve gone.
They’ll turn up at your house claiming they’ve come to collect their belongings when they know full well that their belongings are no longer in the house.
If you’ve got children together, it gets a lot worse. They’ll do things like getting a court order against you legally binding you to speak to them about the kids.
But of course, the narcissist isn’t going to speak to you about the children, instead, they’ll use that time to bombard you with their nonsense about rekindling the relationship. It is not uncommon for the narcissist to threaten to commit suicide.
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This is all a guilt tactic to lure you into getting back together. Don’t fall for it, but I would advise that you refer your ex to the suicide prevention line if they pull that card. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
And no the narcissist doesn’t want you back because they’re sorry and believe they made a terrible mistake mistreating you. Instead, the narcissist is chasing you to satisfy their own ego.
In fact, be afraid when your ex-lover starts hunting you down because hell hath no fury as a narcissist scored.
Run for the hills and don’t look back lest you turn into a pillar of salt! You’ve suffered enough, and if the narcissist gets their hands on you again, you can expect total annihilation.
At the same time as doing everything they can to get you back, the narcissist is planning how to up their game to ensure you don’t slip through the cracks again.
They will 10x all three relationship stages and the only person who will suffer is you. How does a narcissist feels when you move on, is none of your concern.
Please don’t feel guilty about leaving because you deserve all the peace and happiness that life has to offer. Once they realize you’re not coming back, they’ll find another victim.
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5 thoughts on “How Do Narcissists Feel When You Move On?”
If My mother was a narcissist, and
my sister recently deceased on 2/2/22 was a notorious narcissist. She suffered in prison from liver cancer, and my deceased husband was a narcissist (murdered). He was stabbed to death by a lover’s son. Tell me how did I end up having empathy? I used their no empathy to my advantage. They are predictable creatures. There is a God and His name is Yahweh. By the way, all the narcissists that were in my life suffered and died horrible deaths. Narcissists embody ALL of the 7 things Yahweh loathes.
Of all the comments and responses regarding the Narcissistic arena, you solidified, brought it to a close. I used your strategy, used their no empathy to your advantage.
If you believe, like I do, in Yahweh, He will help you escape unscathed. Be Thankful He has made a way, if He has, give Yahweh the credit and Move On,
Lest you turn into a “pillar of salt”?!!, ( that term comes from the Bible for those who need to know)
Thank you so much for your article! I’m so glad there are people seeing through narcissist’s masks.
I live in NL as well, and I do wonder why we have so many narcs in the country (I’m trying not to be selective on a particular country, but just wondering) because every corner I observe, from school yard to social group of friends, I feel like there are so many narcissistic people. Anyways, it’s good to know how they are and hopefully we can try to improve or prevent our new generations from keep on reproducing ones.
Best to all!
They don’t feel… at all that’s what allows them to live such destructive consequence free lives. They are always the victim even if it’s just in their own twisted minds
My ex husband is a classic example of the shitstorm that happens when I left him. Expect three years or more of stall and delay tactics to get to a divorce and unbelievable resistance to any resource sharing.