Q & A: How Can I Make Clear to a Narcissist I Don’t Want Contact?

Q: How can I make it clear to a narcissistic ex-spouse that I no longer want any communication with him because it is too painful? This person thinks that after a certain period of time, I will “come around” and want to be friendly again because he thinks that is part of my nature. He sees other people “come around” and can’t understand why I haven’t forgiven and forgotten as they have.

A: You are not going to make it clear to him via discussions and  trying to get him to understand. A narcissist doesn’t have empathy- he can’t put himself in your shoes so cannot, and will not, “understand” why you won’t forgive and forget or why it is too painful. Due to his narcissistic nature and his experience of others “coming around” he will keep trying to reel you back in. As long as you continue to make yourself available for discussions, he will continue to try and win you back. You are still feeding his need for narcissistic supply by giving him attention (even if it is negative).  If you truly want to end communication with him- then End Communication With Him. Institute the No Contact rule. You have to show him you mean it and don’t make ANY exceptions. I would recommend reading “The No Contact Rule on this website as well as The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back.

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