As we go through life, we collect little things that bring us joy, and keep them close to us.
From the smell of freshly-brewed coffee, to that hobby you love. From the Holidays, to baking.
From cars, to going to the theater. Whatever you love, makes you, you.
That is, until the narcissist comes along and ruins it. Like a thief in the night, they steal the joy from you and make the things you love, the things you used to love.
Let’s talk about how they do that.
#1 You being you
You remember the person you used to be, don’t you?
The one who used to smile at people in the street instead of putting your head down and walking quickly.
The person who used to laugh if they made a mistake, and now you tell yourself off and act like it’s all you ever do.
The past was a reality once upon a time, and it was a place you could call home and be comfortable with.
Nobody ever questioned you to the point where you took parts of yourself away just to please them.
#2 What was once celebrated is now forgotten
It’s all so different now. Since the narcissist came along, the color in your life has faded.
Your aura went from shining brightly to be dulled and eventually switched off. It had nothing to do with you, more what came into your life and took up too much space there.
As you once celebrated yourself, you now criticize. As you once loved all that you were, you’ve not hidden those parts away from your consciousness.
The old you is forgotten. And what’s left is a hollowed out, joyless person who fell at the fated hands of a narcissist.
#3 Why narcissists steal your joy
A topic within a topic – my favorite!
For those of you who know what it’s like to be around a narcissist, you will already have an idea of the kinds of damage they can do to you.
You’ve experienced it for yourself, and you know how heavy their abuse can weigh on you.
But it’s the joy being stolen that really gets victims down. Long term, it stands to fundamentally change so much about a person’s character. Yet the theft is:
Slow.
Subtle.
Covert.
Always done with (I quote them) ‘your best interests at heart.
You don’t know it’s happening until one day, you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder where the heck you went.
You don’t recall a specific day it all went wrong and the joy left you, but all you know now is that it’s gone, and you feel a fraction of the person you used to be.
A narcissist steals joy like it’s andy on Halloween, and they do it because you are too happy, and they want you to feel as miserable as they feel.
They do it because your light threatens their image. They want to be the best. And you are getting in the way of it.
#4 And howthey steal your joy
Wow, this is a really big part of narcissistic abuse, but I will start from the beginning.
At first, you won’t assume this heavily charming person will steal anything from you, let alone your joy.
But they do. And they really mean business. So let’s look at how they steal it.
Narcissists will watch you and wait for you to express joy. That’s when they swoop in.
- Are you sure you want to host this party? You’re asking people who never even bother staying in touch with you. What do you do it for?
- Why do you insist on going to this fitness class? It’s only once a week. Are there really any benefits?
- I get that you love this band, but do you not think they’re a little childish? I say it because you’re just so intelligent. I thought you’d have better taste.
- Baking again? Are you aware of the rising food costs? I’m only saying it because I want you to be careful of spending too much and leaving yourself short.
These are four short, yet effective examples of how narcissists steal joy. The everyday things that you love can be erased in the blink of an eye, but wait, the narcissist “cares” so all is forgiven, right?
Wrong.
No person has a right to tell you what to do, what music to listen to, and whether or not you decide to bake!
Like I said, it’s subtle, yet it’s incredibly disturbing.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
#5 Living a joyless life
I’d love to be dramatic and say how terrible it will be for you, but it’s not that straightforward.
Victims who lead a joyless life simply do so, without even realizing that’s what’s happening.
It’s the word form of gaslighting you could imagine, yet it convinces you that it’s you being the problem…
…It has everything to do with the narcissist, and nothing to do with you.
Living a joyless life can look like:
- Saying no to fun things.
- Stop doing what you previously loved.
- Jumping in a quick shower instead of enjoying those long bubble baths you had for self-care.
- Quitting that fitness class. I mean, what’s the point…?
- Turning off your music and living in silence, because it’s easier than being criticized for what you like (or should I say, liked).
It may not sound much, but this really is just the surface of what a joyless life looks like.
And it’s all because of them.
#6 Conscience? No chance!
The narcissist won’t care! They steal for a living, and the more they take, the better they feel about themselves for being a person with so much power.
They thrive the moment your smile starts to fade, and they see how much control they actually have over you.
Don’t expect a narcissist to ever be sorry. To be sorry means they have to be accountable, and to be honest with you, that’s never going to happen.
#7 It’s never too late to get your joy back
The things you used to love are still out there in the world, waiting for you to re-discover them once more.
I know it might seem hard to believe, and you’ll probably be convinced that you have outgrown what you used to love, but I beg you to think about that for a moment.
If you were to outgrow something, it would normally feel natural and positive, and replaced with other things that might bring you joy.
When I was five, I loved Transformers, but now, I prefer a good book and a glass of wine. Things change, but the main thing is joy still remains.
If you are feeling a shadow of your former self, it’s because the joy was stolen, and it has left a void in your life that feels like a deep, aching pain.
Do you see the difference?
What I’m trying to say is that it’s never too late to get your joy back.
It might take a little time and patience, but I believe in you, so you should believe in yourself.
