Social media is fun, right? I mean, we all have some kind of connection to others from our phones or computers.
Keeping in touch with friends, catching up with family overseas, or even checking forums you may have joined.
Social media is there, and it’s a way of building a version of you online to share with the world.
With balance, social media is an excellent tool.
And it’s personal to you.
Except when narcissists come along and try to control you through your own accounts.
Hold onto your hats for this one…
Social Media: Your Tool For You!
It’s the same for everybody. Social media was designed so that we can all create an online version of ourselves.
What do we want to share?
Who do we want to be friends with?
What do we want our profile pictures to be?
What memories do we want to look back on?
It’s a tool primarily for you that has branched out to becoming so much more.
From business opportunities to getting hair, gardening, DIY, and life tips. It’s all out there. We scroll, we laugh, we like.
What we don’t like is the constant lurking of narcissists, ready to pounce on our profiles and devalue it in the toxic ways they do…
…And boy, are they good at that.
What’s Yours is Somehow Theirs
That’s right. Everything and I mean everything you post is for them to judge.
They don’t mind taking over your feed to promote their views not just to you, but to all those who follow you.
You’re constantly haunted by the idea that any narcissist who has access to your social media can and will jump on and control it.
It’s what they feel they have the right to do, and you won’t stop them (unless you actually stop them!)
Narcissists are the dark cloud on a sunny day, the hair in your soup, and the nail in your car tyre.
They will ruin everything for you, all the while you allow them to.
#1 Keeping Close Tabs
Narcissists love to sit back in the quiet of their own home and watch you. They can pull up your business whenever it suits them and watch what you’re doing.
What’s your latest news? Who are you hanging out with? Where are you going?
What do you think about the latest Netflix show? What’s getting you down? What goals do you have?
All this news you’re offering quite innocently to your followers and friends are up for grabs. And the wrong hands will grab them.
Anything you share is constituted as information. Narcissists love information.
It means they’re constantly one-up on you and are a step ahead in the game you don’t even realize you’re participating in.
These tabs are awfully close, and they will stay that way all the while you look for the block button.
#2 Commenting On Everything
When a narcissist wants to comment on your posts, they will pick and choose which posts to do this for.
It won’t necessarily be every single one (although it can work out that way), but it will be those you least suspect.
Usually, you’ll find a sly comment or something they feel they can get away with saying in the public domain.
You might also find a comment that only you can take offense to. Aimed at you and innocent to everybody else, they will control you by getting under your skin that way.
Remember the narcissist wants to target you, not openly abuse you in front of everybody.
#3 Reactions You Don’t Want
A friend of a friend once had to deal with the narcissist in his life who reacted with the laughing emoji to anything they posted online.
From selfies to news shared to music videos – you name it.
Everything was met with laughter, and it crossed the line of decency a thousand times.
I don’t want this for you, but it is a common way for narcissists to control your social media life.
You soon start to think of ways to post something that may evoke sympathy. You want to impress them, but all they do is belittle you by dropping that same damn emoji.
No matter what – they find you hilarious – and not for reasons of actual humor.
#4 Add Friend? Yep!
If they’re a friend of yours, they must be a friend of the narcissist.
You’ll notice on their profile the people you know slowly crop up in their lists. Before you know it, they will be saying how they saw them, or chatted with them – or even met up with them!
It will be enough to start tying your stomach up into knots. Your life isn’t yours anymore, as it’s slowly morphing into the narcissist’s life, too.
This lack of separation also proves a lack of boundaries (and don’t get me started on those!)
The way they add your friends is slow, but narcissists do it because they want to control you.
By taking away what you have that they aren’t a part of, they can not just be a part of it, but take over.
#5 The Judgment
When you post what you want to post, you do so because it’s a free world, and you want to share yours.
It’s how the majority of people on social media operate, whether or not we like their content.
However, when you post content that matters to you only to be ripped apart for it, the narcissist is trying to do one of several things.
- Trying to make you feel guilty for posting what you did.
- Trying to embarrass you for being too this, or too that.
- Making sure they police your posts, so you learn what is acceptable, and what is unacceptable to them.
All three of these points are directed toward some form of control. Please don’t listen to their judgment. Live your life how you want to live it.
#6 Moles
If a narcissist is unable to access your social media, they will request a mole do so instead.
That mole may already be on your friend’s list, and they will report back to the narcissist your news, updates, and general life ups and downs.
I’ve had to work with people before who say to me, “Alex, how are they still getting this information about me?” And my reply is always the same:
Go through your friends list with a fine toothcomb.
#7 Using What You Post Against You
Why did you put that photo up of your night out? It shows people that you’re having too much fun without me!
Sounds about right, narcissist!
They can also see you’re having a bad day, and drop right into your DMs.
I see you’re having a tough time. Want to talk?
No! Leave! Get out!
Block!
And do me a favour: never unblock.
