The relationship between the narcissist and you has officially burned out. For whatever reason or catalyst for the end to come, it has. So what comes next?
For starters, you’re going to be witness to a lot of fear. It will be the kind of fear you never thought you’d see, and it will present itself in the craziest of ways.
Here’s a list of all the things narcissists fear when their relationship ends.
Loss of Control
The most obvious is the predicted loss of control that occurs whenever a relationship ends.
What the narcissist has been used to all this time is now crashing down around them.
There’s nothing they can do about it, either, despite having a few weak tricks up their sleeves.
Ultimately, if your mind’s made up that you want things to end, they don’t really have a hope in hell of getting you back.
Narcissists try to make up for a lack of control of themselves by controlling the world they live in.
They know they can’t feel, they know they can’t love, they know they can’t be the person they wish they could be, so they pretend.
As they pretend, they create a world that revolves around them to compensate for it all, and that’s where people suffer and fall at the hands of a person who is obsessed with control.
If they don’t have that control, they will do anything to gain it.
The fear of not having any will lead to this fear.
Why am I not able to be in charge?
What’s so wrong that I am losing respect here?
Why isn’t anybody making me feel special or important?
Do they not know who I am?
It’s crippling to the narcissist. They long for that status, and if people aren’t honoring theirs, that’s where they fall.
When a relationship ends, the narcissist doesn’t know what to do next. All they know is, they’ve lost a large amount of supply.
Replacement
Ouch. Not for you, though! If you’ve found somebody emotionally healthy who respects and loves you, then more power to you!
For the narcissist? They’re not so much in a good place. In fact, their very dented ego will be exposed for them to not be able to ignore, especially when you begin a new chapter with somebody else.
And you’ve every right to, by the way. It’s your life to live and if you aren’t happy, you can change it.
As for the narcissist, they fear being in a position where they are no longer number one.
They don’t have access to you, they can’t get under your skin, and they lose out on you.
They will never see that as heartbreaking because they love you, but they will fear being abandoned by the person they once relied heavily on.
Unfortunately, that’s really the crux of it, isn’t it? No narcissist wants to be dumped.
Their biggest fear is that you don’t need them. As you get to that point, they realize they’re not at the center of your world.
Reputation Damage
What are you going to say about them when you leave and walk away? What pieces of information do you have up your sleeve that could cause them untold amounts of damage?
How are they going to explain themselves when you start telling the world how terrible and abusive they are?
They are in a panic thinking about all the situations you could relay, and the fear here is so real.
There is a lot of worry in a narcissist’s mind when they start to fear what will happen next.
Usually, they could manipulate you somehow, or make threats to leave you if you step out of line or speak up about your abuse – but now the relationship has ended – you’re a free person in all aspects.
But now? The narcissist is pacing.
No Supply
All you gave them was your love. You threw attention toward them whenever they needed it, you forgave them, you believed their gaslighting ways, you trusted their opinions or thoughts.
Then, you reacted to their abuse. You complied, you cried, you got mad, you got jealous, you felt anxious, you lost yourself, and you grew to believe the limitations put upon you were the real limitations of your character and abilities.
They were not.
This was all just a way for the narcissist to control you, and make you feel. They wanted you small so that your supply was more valuable to them; more useful.
And that supply kept them going. Through every dark twist and turn of your relationship, the narcissist was fuelled by you.
And when it comes to an end, you can bet they’re going to really fear losing it all. That’s the only reason they fear losing you – your supply is gone alongside you.
What will they do then?
You Healing
A pretty big step in the end of your relationship with a narcissist is your own healing.
All this time, they’ve been able to push and pull you like the tide. They’ve been able to dictate your moods with how they act, or what they say, and they’ve loved that.
Keeping you small is how you stop seeing the world as a place that supports you.
No longer seeing it as a place you can heal will resign you to your supposed fate. But it doesn’t have to be this way, and only when you break up can you see the possibility before you.
When you start to heal, you will never be able to be controlled by them again. They lost you entirely, and that’s how you find yourself again.
Doesn’t that just sound like a huge fear the narcissist has?
That’s because it is.
No Access
No access to you, everything you have shared together disappears with a puff of smoke, and you are now considered history.
It’s scary when you leave a situation so abusive, but it’s also a sign that freedom is now yours.
When the relationship ends, victims often feel lost, not knowing what to do next.
That’s because you’ve been convinced that there’s no life outside those dynamics – but the abuser, the narcissist, is wrong.
There is so much life, and so much hope. But you cannot find it until you’ve left that environment.
The narcissist loses access to you, and they lose everything that comes with that.
Sadly, they will never see the good they lose, because they’re only interested in what serves them.
That usually looks like the kind of reactions you give them, or the times you’re there to boost their ego by deflating your own.
Rinse, repeat. Time and time again.
As difficult as it might be, you’re right to withhold access. They don’t get that level of honor now, and they shouldn’t have had it while you were together.
The narcissist never deserved it, and now is the time you can draw a line under your past and walk into the future with your head held high.
Fearing no access to you is not your problem, and should not be considered so.
