Q & A: Giving Up Sex With the Narcissist

Q:The hardest part about breaking up is giving up on the great sex that did last till the end. I know he never genuinely loved me, and much of him was a facade, but during good times………he was always very able to excite me in sex. Now I’m worried I will be bored in that area with a more caring person, and miss out on what I consider an important must have in a relationship. Can you write an article about that?

A: It is true that narcissists are known for their sexual prowess. So it is not surprising that you had exciting sex with him. They make a point of learning what turns the opposite sex on. They weren’t born that way- they learned it. Great sex is simply…great sex. It is NOT a substitute for a great relationship. You say he did not “genuinely” love you- no, he did not love you at all. Not in any way, shape or form. He is incapable of love. He was either in love with being in love or he loved that you loved him. Perhaps prior experience has given you the impression that only narcissists know how to have exciting sex- that is completely untrue. Remember- the narcissists learned their sexual skills…and there are plenty of caring, unselfish men that are just as capable of learning those skills (and many who already know them). You ask if you have to give up great sex in order to have a caring relationship- I would answer that with a resounding “no”! Now that you know what excites you- tell or show your new, caring partner what you like. A “caring” person should be even more invested in pleasing and exciting you. Are there boring men (and women)? Of course. Do you have to settle for a boring person or boring sex? Of course not!

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4 thoughts on “Q & A: Giving Up Sex With the Narcissist

  1. That is precisely my problem. I’m married to a great guy and I thought we had a great sex life. Long story short we moved to another country, my husband started working abroad and I got involved with a full blown narcissist, plus some additional ADHD and other disorders – a true psycho. I know exactly what he is, I know how horrible his carachter is but I’m completely addicted to the sex. It is unbeliavable. I know I was not very experienced but in that department I do feel he’s unique and special. No refractory period, sex marathons that last for hours with no breaks, a professional in all technics, a master in female anatomy, who loves to explore all my fantasies. How do I end the affair and walk away? Sex with my husband feels boring now and it’s not only because of the adrenaline I feel with the N. Quality wise is good but not mind-blowing as with the N. I’m also afraid to ask my husband to explore other sides of our sex life as he may become suspicious on where this is coming from…I’m in a dead end. Unfortunetely this will end once the N gets bored of me which is their usual M.O. Would love to end it first though but for that I need to get detox from the amazing sex. I’m also torned between wishing I had never met him or experienced this as I felt happy before him and appreciating all the knowledge this experience gave me….I think I would prefer to stay dumb.

  2. Not to belittle your emotional pain but perhaps focusing on your relationship versus going outside of it would be a good start or maybe e start of the problem. Anything extramarital would seem exciting but truly what makes hima narc? He gets to test drive the car. Why does he have to be anything else. You made the choice. Own up and be honest with yourself did not our partner and clean your own yard before worrying about your neighbours.

  3. Being with a Narc is way too high a price to pay for the great sex. A lot of the uncertainty, inconsistency, and illusion adds to the excitement. Get out before you ruin your marriage and get destroyed by this man.

  4. Having the same issue. I just dont know what to do. I know its over. But I feel like emotionally and sexually i will never move on from this

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