It is challenging to imagine a life completely different from the frustrating one you are living right now, to imagine a life without a relationship with a narcissist.
When you began dating them they seemed so confident. It appeared like the world was bowing to their every desire.
Nothing was beyond their grasp. Mountains crumbled and rivers split at their whim.
The charisma and charm of a narcissist are what initially baits you. Loving yourself is one of the most attractive things you can do and narcissists do it better than anyone. They take it to another level.
But this gilded image doesn’t last long. As the facade flakes away you are left with nothing but the essence of true selfishness.
When the Flaws Appear
Now it seems like the only one clamoring to love your partner is you. You begin to notice that their friends and family avoid them.
As the weeks turn to months more cracks begin to appear, personality flaws you just can’t ignore any longer. It is time to break things off, you know it. But it can be very scary to actually go through with it.
When you are dealing with someone mentally unstable it is important to take precautions to protect yourself. Emotional abuse is a particularly powerful tool for manipulators.
Keep reading to find out all the important things you need to know to safely end your relationship with a narcissist.
When to End a Relationship with a Narcissist
It can be difficult to know when someone is just being selfish, and when it is actually a personality flaw that may require treatment. These behaviors start very young and are often shaped by childhood problems.
It can seem natural to the narcissist for them to act selfish and expect attention. They don’t know things any other way. But if your partner continues along this track it can lead to some very dark places.
Ending a relationship with a narcissist can be quite difficult. They have defensive behaviors crafted over a lifetime. They use these actions to convince those that care about them to continue caring.
Some of the tactics used by these people are intimidating and dangerous. As your relationship continues and your partner becomes more comfortable with you, many of these bad behaviors may begin to present themselves more prominently.
By the time you begin to see the strings, you are already so manipulated and have lowered your expectations so far that leaving may seem impossible. But you should never forget what you deserve and when someone is treating you without respect, it is time to move on.
You don’t need to wait until they become violent or attack you personally. You deserve to be with someone who sees you as the light of their world, not just their spotlight.
Taking your support out of their equation will topple their precariously balanced ego. There is no way around it. It is important to be prepared for the fallout.
What to Expect from Their Behavior
When you leave a relationship with a narcissist you will need to gather every ounce of your strength. Your partner relies so much on outside support and opinions for their happiness that it will feel like a rug has been pulled out from under them.
The first thing they will try to do is shift the blame. Although your partner may know that they are manipulating you, they aren’t just going to admit it. They probably don’t even admit it to themselves.
Taking responsibility for their actions will not be on their to-do list. Instead, all that will matter is whether they can change your interpretation of those actions. They have been manipulating people for so long that they think they can talk their way out of everything.
If you stand impervious to this baiting, you will next have to deal with them trying to convince you that you are making a mistake. They will try to paint themselves as the most central part of your life. An integral piece that you would fall apart without.
But this is a false reality. You don’t need someone draining you of your humanity, sucking your love away like a vacuum and leaving you vacant. They save all their love for number one, themselves.
The most frustrating way a narcissist will manipulate you is by gaslighting you. Gaslighting is the term used for convincing someone that something never happened. For example, if you saw your spouse at the grocery store with another woman and they tried to convince you it was a stranger.
It can seem odd to honest people when this kind of manipulation is attempted. You will wonder how this person thinks they can discredit your reality. It is a terrible feeling to know that someone has such little respect for your intelligence that they think they can convince you like Shaggy that, “It wasn’t me!”
How to Respond to Their Behavior
The most important advice to give someone in a relationship with a narcissist is to take the high road. It may sound like a cliche, but this is tried and true advice.
When someone attempts to gain your attention you have two choices, give it to them, or don’t. For most people, acting in ways that conform to societal norms is a default state. For those with narcissistic personality disorder, norms must conform to them.
Giving the narcissist the attention they are looking for will simply feed the flames of their ego, deny them and it all falls apart.
Getting What You Deserve
As a loving partner and supporter, you may have a difficult time taking what you deserve. The narcissist in your life will try to make you feel like you are abandoning them. They will use every manipulative tool they know to convince you that you are the one at fault.
Ignore their words and know that you aren’t alone. The narcissist creates their own reality and you are not responsible for what that looks like to them. You were their light, and now things will be dark. They will scratch, claw and kick to have your attention again.
Stay strong and find others who understand what you are going through. If you need more help on dealing with the narcissist in your life, visit The Narcissistic Life for information and support.