Don’t Text Him And He Will Text You! Does This Actually Work?

Last Updated on March 3, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

“Don’t text him, and he will text you.”

This is a common philosophy in almost every woman’s mind. Yet is it true? Do guys follow this philosophy, or do they have one of their own? 

Social media has brought in a new era of communication. It is where many people get to know someone even before dating them. Before the internet existed, people would call over the telephone or meet up to talk and hang out.

Life was easier back then because there was little doubt about whether a person liked you. There was hardly ever miscommunication. Why? Because people could see each other’s facial expressions and body language.

So how has texting changed the world? Has it improved things or made the communication process worse. As with almost everything, there are positive and negative sides. Texting is a more accessible and cheaper way of communicating. Still, it does have some harmful qualities.

According to Oprah Daily 

“Texting has become so common, you barely have to think about tapping out shorthand messages to your friends, family, or folks you meet online.

And yet texting is the first thing we overthink when it comes to relationships.”

What Is The Psychology Behind Not Texting Back?

What Is The Psychology Behind Not Texting Back?

Most people would agree that communication is essential. It is helpful to get to places, meet people, and do many other useful things. One of the main things communication fixes is loneliness.

Being able to contact and talk to family and friends makes everyone feel less alone. Isn’t it wonderful to have such an easy way to get in contact with someone thousands of miles away?

Now, life has gotten simple, and you can call or text to your heart’s content.

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Social media

Social media has made communication much more straightforward. Few people like talking on the phone. So, texting has become the preferred form of communication.

With phone calls, we have to give answers right away. Whereas with texting, you have time to think about what you want to say. So why do people still find it challenging to text back? Well, the reasons are endless, but here are a few. 

Some people prefer calls over text. It could be that they are older citizens and haven’t gotten the hang of this new era of communication.

Poor Texting Skills

Another reason is that the person has poor literacy skills, so texting is harder. It can also be that the person may have a busy lifestyle and don’t have time for “small talk.”

Texting has some positive benefits, but it has also brought many negative things.

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First, texting hides the emotions of others. Someone can send you a laughing emoji and not even be laughing. If this is the case, it is also possible to send you a message saying “I love you” and not mean it.

Second, many people find it difficult to text first because they fear that their crush might not respond. The saying “you’re online, and he’s online, but pride is also online” is accurate.

This is because the one who texts first most likely is the one that wants to have the conversation. With some people texting first doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s only a text after all; what harm can it do? Still, pay attention if you are always the one to message first. You may need to check the relationship that you have with that person.

Stop Overthinking It

Communication should be equal and not forced. You shouldn’t feel like you are the only one interested in talking. People have different texting styles.

Whereas one person may text back right away, another person may take a couple of minutes or even hours. It might not have to do with their interest. It could be that they need time to think of a response longer than you do.

Overthinking is a significant negative aspect of texting. What a person doesn’t know, they try to figure out. Most times, the negative perspective of a situation is what comes to mind.

For example, you go on your first date with a guy, and then you start texting. He asks you out on another date, but before you have the time to respond, your phone battery dies.

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In his mind, he regrets sending the message because when you don’t text him back, he thinks that’s why you didn’t answer. That you do not want to go out with him again. If this conversation had happened in person, that might have been different.

Stop texting him to get his attention

“I keep texting him, but he never replies.”

If you’re ever in that situation, he may not be into you. If you have to text a guy a million times before getting a response, he doesn’t want to talk to you.

But, not texting a guy to get his attention doesn’t always work. Especially if you are not dating him or close to him. Have you texted him before? Was the conversation friendly and casual and not relationship-related? Then he may not text you again. It all depends on the situation.

If a guy is into you, he wouldn’t have a problem making the first move. A man’s behavior towards you depends on his feelings for you.

Stop texting him and see what happens

“When should I stop texting?”

Yes, women do a lot of critical thinking on this one. Is hello too much?

“Should I say hi instead?”

This is the indecisive nature of a woman. Overthinking is a big thing that women sometimes do, even without noticing.

“Should I text him or wait for him to text me?”

As crazy as it seems, many women agonize over this. Girls are usually taught that men should chase them and not vice versa.

It has something to do with the analogy of the sperm going to the egg. So if a woman stops texting you, this may be why. It is not always that she has no interest in you. She wants to see if you will text her.

This is the idea in a woman’s head. It is the total opposite in many men’s brains. If you stop testing him a few days, he takes it to mean that you do not like them to talk often.

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Especially if it is a scenario where he texts you first and doesn’t get a response for many hours or even days. Some women take it to this extreme. They latch on to the idea of not being constantly available because they think it makes them more attractive. Yet, in the eyes of men, it doesn’t. It makes you less attractive.

Yet the philosophy of this behavior is not all bad. If you initiate the conversation all the time, how would you know if your crush wants to talk to you?

The simple way to know this is to stop texting to see if he will text you. If he texts you, he enjoys the conversations with you and may even like you. But, if he doesn’t, then he is not interested. It could be that he only tolerates the conversation because he’s trying to be a nice person.

Does Don’t Text Him and He Will text You First Actually Work?

Does Playing Hard to Get Actually Work?

Everyone is different. What might be attractive to one person may not be to another. Yet studies show that men find you more beautiful when you play hard to get.

When a woman is easy to sleep with, it gives men the impression that she usually sleeps around. Thoughts like “Does she sleep with every guy she just met or dates?” flood their minds.

Even though they don’t say it, guys think of it. So if you are playing hard to get as in not having sex during the dating stage, then it is attractive.

Yet some women go beyond that and don’t text back for weeks and blow off dates. This is not attractive to a guy.

Depending on the guy, he may not care as much, especially if he has a busy lifestyle. Yet, in general, men don’t particularly like when the person they are dating blows them off. No one does.

People build romantic relationships on consistency. So be consistent in making the relationship work. Otherwise, the connection with the person will get weaker. 

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According to Glamour Magazine, drunk texting is anything but sexy. Still, most men appreciate a random text now and then. In fact, when done right, it can make them more interested in you.

What happens when you don’t text back?

The mind has the most powerful influence over what you think and do. What runs through your mind when you text someone and don’t get a response? Do you feel ignored, or do you consider solid reasons why the person hasn’t texted back?

Most people don’t consider the positive reasons, only the negative. For example, you text a guy that you like hello, and he doesn’t reply. You may have thought that he is avoiding conversation.

It could very well be that he misplaced his phone or got caught up doing something. Texting causes a lot of conflict between couples and even friendships. This is why it is important not to jump to conclusions when you don’t know the whole picture.

Guys feel the same when you don’t text back. It is bizarre how women think that men are so different from them. Yes, in some ways, guys differ, but men still have feelings and emotions even if they don’t show it. So when you don’t text back, he may lose interest or feel unimportant in your life.

For some reason, women think that not texting back is cute and makes them more attractive, but to men, it isn’t.

What Does he think when you don’t text back?

“What does he think when you don’t text back?”

Is it the same as what goes through a woman’s mind or different?

Although males and females differ, they are the same in many ways. A man has feelings and overthinks as much as a woman does. The difference is in the way many men express it.

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Here’s what he thinks when you don’t text him back, guys feel like an option to you, especially when dating. He thinks you do not enjoy his company when you don’t text back.

Jealousy

He starts to visualize you talking to other dudes that you like. If you’re no good at texting back, you should let him know. Don’t leave it up to him to figure it out, as that usually doesn’t end well. Like women, men are jealous.

They may feel like you are taking no interest in talking to them because someone else has your attention. If you are into a guy, show him that you are. Not texting back is not a cute tactic to make a guy like you more. For most, it does the opposite, and they lose feelings because of the lack of communication.

Yet keep in mind that all guys are different. One guy may text you, saying, “why aren’t you texting me?” or “Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you lately.” Another guy may never talk to you again. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. But if he is always the one to start a conversation, he’ll give up after a while.

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Less is More, More is less

Research has shown that when women make themselves less available, it attracts men. But, some women take this far out of context.

Men like to feel appreciated and valued. So, few men will find this ghosting behavior attractive. You should only do it if he wants to sleep with you on the first few days, and you are not up for that. It shows a guy that you have high standards for yourself, and if he likes you, he will wait.

Not being available every time he messages you can also be appealing to some men. It gives you this mysterious vibe. It also implies that you are not wasting time sitting around on your phone.

The problem is that when you take this level of distance to the extreme, it becomes less attractive. It should be an equal balance of not being clingy yet not too busy to converse.

“What you chase runs away.”

Many women go by this principle. They do not blow up his phone every minute. This is usually during the getting to know you stage.

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After establishing the relationship, these things don’t bother women. Men are the chasers. This is because of the difference in psychological attachment.

Although women take longer to fall in love, they tend to stick by their partners when they do. That happens because of the emotional attachment felt after intimacy. Whereas for men, passion isn’t usually gained through intimacy. Instead, they get it through connection.

Do guys notice when you stop texting them

“I stopped texting him, and he didn’t care.”

Has this ever happened to you? You may have been talking to this guy you like and realized that you are always the one to text first.

So you decided to stop texting him to see if he would text you first, but he didn’t. Now you wonder if he wasn’t into you, or is that a common thing among guys. “Do guys notice when you stop texting them?” If a man cares about you, he’ll notice when you stop texting him.

Most men would think about what they can do to make you feel comfortable in their free time. They want you to be happy communicating with them.

If you stop texting a guy to see if he would text you back, and he does, then he’s interested.

Especially if he messages you, intending to make you laugh or to just put a smile on your face. Want to know if he misses you?

Here’s how to get him to text you: Stop messaging him for a few days. Then, message him back and see if he gets upset about how long you took to respond or if he expressed that he missed you.


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10 Benefits of letting him text first

10 Benefits of letting him text first

#1 He lets you know if he likes you

You talk to someone you like and wonder if he is into you. You can see if a guy enjoys your company if he always texts you first.

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If he has no problem initiating the conversation, it may be because he is into you. You can try not texting first to see if he likes you.

#2 To feel wanted/appreciated

It’s nice to wake up to good morning texts. Getting positive messages from someone you like is a dream.

It shows how much a person values your presence through text messages, even if it’s only over the phone. Women tend to feel special when this happens.

Men have a hero instinct that they love to use on women. Does he message you, checking if everything is okay and enquiring why you have been so distant? Then he may very well be in love.

#3 For the enjoyment of the chase

Women like to be sought after. It’s something about the excitement or the thrill and being in control that women want.

Also, a man who chases a woman to make her his person is less likely to cheat. The reasoning behind this theory is the hard work it took to get her. Cheating would be like undoing all the work.

#4 You do not know what to say

The person who initiates the conversation is usually the one that takes the lead.

Letting him send the first text means you don’t have to worry about what to say. The topic of conversation will be in his hands.

#5 He usually takes a long time to respond

Every time you text first, he takes forever to respond. It could be that he has a hectic job, but leave the texting to him to find out.

That way, when he messages you, you know that he is in a relaxed mood and can engage with you.

#6 So that he doesn’t lose interest

Some people don’t like clinginess and endless conversation. Whereas you may enjoy texting, another may not.

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To avoid him losing interest, you should let him send the first text. In that way, you’re not forever talking. By being the respondent, you wouldn’t have to lead the conversation.

#7 To avoid being annoying

According to Glamour Magazine,

“If you text your guy during a workday and he hasn’t responded to you, don’t assume he’s ignoring you (he’s at work!). Don’t send a follow-up text.

That can be annoying if his boss is hovering over his desk. Give him time to get back to you. He’ll likely return the message once he’s free later in the day/night.”

Knowing when and how often to text someone can be challenging, especially if you recently started dating.

Afraid your crush will get annoyed if you’re endlessly texting him? Then leave the messaging up to him.

#8 He starts missing you. 

Studies have shown that distance makes a person appreciate you when you are around.

Not being around to talk to someone may not be a bad thing. In fact, it is the opposite. It shows you how much they missed you. By playing hard to get, you bring out how he feels about you.

He may actually notice that he feels down or not as happy without talking to you for a day as when he does.

#9 Gives him time to show his hand (what he wants) 

According to Glamour, it is customary to send a text the day after a first date. This text is to say that you had a great time. I heard from a few different guys that this makes you look desperate.

Let’s say you and this guy go on your first date. After the date, you wait for him to text you first.

Why do women do that? Well, they are basing the text on whether he wants to continue seeing you. Giving him time to make a decision. “Would he message saying he enjoyed the date?” this is one of the questions that go through the mind of a woman.

#10 Saves you from embarrassment

You don’t have to worry about him not answering you or thinking you’re too clingy by letting him text first.

He can never say that you have an obsession with him or that you keep messaging him and he is not interested. It saves you the embarrassment of him telling his friends about you with text messages to prove.

Nobody likes others to embarrass them or make fun of them. Being played by a man is a fear for some women.

So by letting them text first, it wouldn’t seem like you are running after him. Yet if he is the right one for you, you shouldn’t worry about these things.

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Any chance he has to talk to you is one worth him spending. You shouldn’t feel pressured to refrain from texting someone you are dating.

Nor should you have to stop texting someone you like. They should be happy to talk to you all the time (within reason).

3 Cons For Letting Him Text First (Or waiting for it)

“Why doesn’t he text me first?”

Were you ever in a situation where you were waiting for a guy to text you first, and it didn’t happen?

Did that make you feel like he wasn’t interested in you? If so, you could be wrong, as that is not always the case. What are the disadvantages of letting him send the first text?

Cons of letting him text first

#1 He doesn’t text you at all

Guys go after what they want, so they think that girls would do the same, but that is where they’re wrong.

If a girl likes a guy, she most likely wouldn’t tell him. She might converse with the guy but keep her feelings inside until he makes the first move.

Not all girls do this, though, but most do. Some women are brave and go after the person that they find attractive.

Girls like to take things slow, but a guy would rush after what he wants in fear that another might snatch it first.

It could be that he is shy and afraid that if he messages you, you wouldn’t answer back. Even more so, he is scared of saying something wrong.

You shouldn’t be so observant of how a person behaves over text. Texting can cause many problems, especially if that is the only thing they look at.

#2 Texting is not his preference 

Notice how a person is with you when they are around you. Yes, he may not text you first or even text you back, but is he happy when he is around you?

Does he make you happy? Do you feel loved by him? You need to ask yourself these questions.

Observe the man’s behavior when he is with you. If he is distant and cold when around you, never message or call; he is the wrong guy for you.

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Even shy guys would show some sort of interest in you. If a guy is giving you mixed signals, don’t be mad before talking about it. Talking to you in person may be more comfortable for him than online.

Talking in person is by far the best form of communication. Text messages are the worst as it usually gets misread or misunderstood. It even has been the reason for breakups among couples and even friends.

#3 He gets annoyed with texting you first all the time

When a guy has to take the lead and initiate the conversation, he might take that to mean that he doesn’t have a chance.

Whereas some may chase you to make you like them, others may not. Especially if he has a shy demeanor. So stop hoping he’ll tet back and start texting him.

Don’t play games if you want a guy, especially if you know he feels the same way about you. What is the sense of him chasing you when you both have already expressed how you feel about each other?

That would only but doubt in his mind that you are not serious about the relationship. Also, if you do not text him, you might miss out on conversations you’d enjoy.

According to Ginny Hogan, “It’s normal to worry about sending a text to someone you’re crushing on, but the initial text exchange isn’t as important as later conversations.”

FAQ

How long is too long for a guy to not text you?

Well, if you are waiting for a guy to text you after a date and a few days have passed, then you can give up hope.

It could be that he is not interested, or he only wanted a one-night stand.

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Someone else could be in the picture, so he isn’t only focused on you. If a guy usually takes days to get back to you, don’t be afraid to ask him why.

Do guys ever like you but not text you? 

Yes, it happens. Texting isn’t always the best form of talking to someone. It brings out a lot of anxiety for some. For others, it isn’t their preferred way of communication.

If you notice that when you message him, he doesn’t respond, but in person, he is talkative, ask him about it. According to Oprah Daily, everyone comes into a relationship with different ways of communicating. 

Some guys like girls from afar, particularly if the two of you have never met. It could be because of nervousness or fear of rejection. So how do you get him to text you?

Be a fun person when you guys have a conversation. If you find him attractive, don’t be afraid to text first.

The principle of him chasing you isn’t always the best method. It may not work if he hasn’t talked to you in person before.

Yet if you and a guy are dating and he doesn’t text you after, it should raise some eyebrows. If he likes you, then you wouldn’t need to get him to text you.

So if you notice that he hardly ever texts you, talk to him about it. He may prefer calling rather than texting. Communication is essential to fix problems.

Why do guys stop texting and then start again? 

Ever been in a situation where guys start texting, then stop for a while, then start again?

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What is the reason they do this? Well, it could be that they are nervous and don’t know what to say. Guys get shy too. It can also be because he got distracted, so he stopped texting for a while.

What happens when you stop texting him? 

“I stopped texting him and haven’t heard from him.” It may be that he wasn’t interested in you in the first place.

If he is, he has a lousy way of showing it. This is why many women usually text the guy they like to see if he feels the same way she does. Because when someone talks to you doesn’t mean that they want to. Playing hard to get is something that excites men. Their hero instinct kicks in, and they feel masculine trying to impress you.

“So at what point should you stop texting him?” 

You can stop at the beginning stages of dating. Then you’ll see if he is into you as well. If he does text you, though, take that as your sign. Stop not texting him to get his attention.

Why shouldn’t I text him first? 

Not sure if a guy is into you? Stop texting and see what happens. When you text a guy first, you imply that you want to talk to him.

At the beginning of the dating stage, it can give the impression that you are the chasing type. This can cause him to wait on you to text rather than text first.

Look at your text conversations with the person you are dating. If you are always the one to contact him, you should wait and see if he texts you.

To conclude, with everything, there should be balance. Too much or too little of something isn’t good. So are you communicating with someone new?

Make sure that you find out about what their preference is. Don’t always play hard to get, or you will never be in a relationship. When you don’t text him back, it makes the impression that you are not into him.

The frequency of your text exchanges depends on your relationship with that person and how long you have known them.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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