Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
So you have read about the No Contact rule, and now you are wondering if the no contact rule also works if you were dumped?
Breakups are a normal part of life. We’re sure you’ve fallen in and out of love a couple of times.
Yet, it can be hard to let go, especially if you are still in communication with them. This is why you should follow the no-contact rule.
The no-contact rule is essential because it helps keep you rational. In that way, you won’t obsess about getting your ex back. You also won’t be tempted to give them an ego boost by begging them to come back.
If your significant other left you and you don’t wish to maintain contact, then you shouldn’t.
Just because you weren’t the one to break up with your partner doesn’t mean that you don’t have that right. The no-contact rule works both ways.
Your partner could have cheated, and you may have found out. You may have even confronted them about the situation.
You want to make it work, but your partner wants to break up. The person who gets dumped isn’t always the one in the wrong.
What is the No-Contact Rule?
So what is the no-contact rule, you may ask? The no-contact rule is when you cut all communication with the person you broke up with.
This ensures you can move on without regretting the decision to break up. Professionals recommend that the period without communication last 60 days for best results.
Talking to your ex right after a breakup may seem like a harmless thing to do. But according to betterhelp.com, “There is a consensus among professionals that reaching out to an ex immediately following a breakup is unlikely to end well.”
It sends a clear message if you’re not in a rush to communicate with them. It shows that you’re choosing to spend time doing other things and that you are your number one priority.
The time without communication should be a period of processing. It puts things into perspective and shows you if you love the person. How much you miss them will dictate how much love you have for them.
Any relationship coach will tell you that following a breakup, things can get messy, especially if you were the one that got dumped. Yet, this doesn’t mean that this rule won’t work for you.
Yes, your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend broke up with you. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a period where there’s no contact. Even exes who have initiated breakups can have a change of heart and want to get back together.
How Does the No-Contact Rule Work?
It is more common for the dumper to initiate the period without contact. For example, after breaking up with someone, you don’t contact that person after breaking the news.
It would be weird to do, especially if the idea of a breakup wasn’t mutual. Yet, we know all rules have exceptions. It’s different when children or other compelling joint things hold you together.
According to myexbackcoach.com, “If You Have Children, Property, or Business With Your Ex During No Contact. One of the more obvious times when you can’t use a full, true form of no contact is when you have kids/children with your ex. This is true if you own a home, property, or a business with them.”
So, if nothing binds you to that person, what is the sense of keeping in contact? What is there to talk about, whether via phone calls or texts?
It would be weird to break up with someone and text them the next day like, “what’s up.”
You just broke up with them. That’s what’s up. Hurt feelings and new emotions are still welling up. So contact is not expected at this point, especially by the dumper.
So, if you are the one who got dumped, does the rule work?
How Does The No Contact Rule Work When You Are Dumped?
According to hackspirit.com, “If you’re using no contact because you want your ex to be the first one to reach out rather than you, there are no guarantees.
However, some dating sites claim that it can be effective in up to 90% of cases. And that eventually, the dumper will reach out to the dumped if they don’t hear from them.”
Some people use the rule in creative ways. For example, you can use it to make your ex appreciate the contact that you used to have with them.
The idea is that the longer you stay away from your ex, the more they will miss you.
Many women have admitted to using social media to portray what their ex is missing out on. Using social media posts to guilt trip and make them regret their decision.
Men tend to be visual, which may explain why men are usually the ones to make contact first.
Yet, some people use the rule to get over their ex. A protracted period without contact helps you forget what you found so intriguing about your ex.
Both these scenarios can work to your advantage. However, under no circumstances should you reward your ex for dumping you. So don’t chase after them and beg them to take you back.
How long does it take for an ex to miss you with no contact?
According to askapril.com, “It should take a guy about two to three weeks to realize how much they miss you with the no contact rule. This can vary depending on the severity of the problem that caused the breakup.”
Ex-boyfriends are usually known to initiate contact sooner than ex-girlfriends. This is because women tend to hold on to things longer than men.
They are more in tune with their feelings and consider their self-respect and dignity. Society makes women look worse in these situations than men. This may stem from the fact that men tend to be the chasers, and girls should not be chasing after a man.
The emotions of a woman can be challenging to comprehend. It is one of the reasons why men resort to cheating rather than just breaking up.
Although women take a longer time to fall in love with a man, when they do, it goes the same way to fall out of love and move on. But, even though women may feel this way, don’t expect them to contact you first, as it is not usually the case.
According to marriage.com, “while a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stage of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.” Unfortunately, this is the opposite when it comes to men.
According to marriage.com, “After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pangs will start to kick in.”
Does no contact work if your ex is seeing someone else?
You want to try the rule on your ex, but he has a new partner. Would it work even if he has found someone new? The rule works best without the involvement of other parties. However, it might be tricky to get your ex back if they’re dating someone else during the no-contact period.
We can use the term “out of sight, out of focus” in this situation. It’s especially appropriate if your former flame has someone else to focus his attention on. The longer you maintain no-contact, the quicker they forget about your relationship. After all, they have to focus on the new relationship.
Yet, this isn’t always the case. It can be challenging when you go from talking to someone daily to nothing.
As time goes on, it may get easier, but for some, it gets even more complicated. The hope that your ex will contact you may run through your mind. The pride you may feel to reach out first can be devastating and even cause pain.
Suffering a broken heart can make people do irrational things. Often, the rule isn’t a success because of regret and post-breakup memories.
This rule only works if you consider phone calls and texts. You cannot practice no-contact in phone calls but still communicate via text messages. No contact means no contact.
Does your ex’s new partner spend lots of time with them? Are they always in close contact with them? If so, it may be challenging to get your ex back using the no-contact rule. You may have to move on from your ex instead of trying to get your ex back.
Is the No-Contact Rule Always Necessary?
If the breakup ended on a good note, then the no contact rule may not be necessary for this situation. Agreeing to be friends post-breakup is not uncommon.
Many people do this; for some, it goes pretty well, and friendship lasts a lifetime. Yet, for the majority, there is always something more between you. You cannot pretend that years’ worth of memories didn’t happen. Feelings tend to still be there.
One of the reasons many couples ask for space from each other post-breakup is to stay away from each other and process the whole thing. Breakups are difficult to deal with. They’re tough when we have families or children to consider.
Keeping close contact with an ex can be used as leverage when your ex has a new partner. A lot of women in failed relationships have pointed out the problem.
They have said it was their partner still talking to their ex that broke the relationship. If you speak to someone every day, then there is a chance that a connection can form.
This goes for exes as well. It could be an innocent conversation. For example, something as simple as asking your ex for advice can cause chaos in their new relationship.
If keeping in contact doesn’t work out, you can try your luck getting with someone else. It’s one of the ways to make your ex jealous. If your ex’s feelings for you are still there, you may have a chance.
Your ex seeing posts and pictures on social media of you moving on can be a powerful catalyst. It can make them want to break the no contact with you. They may question if it was the right thing to do to call the relationship quits.
Why are Boundaries so Important to Ensuring the No-Contact Rule Works?
Relationships are complex and take a lot to maintain. That is why having boundaries is essential. In addition, knowing how to behave when you’re in a relationship is vital.
Yet, the no-contact rule doesn’t have to be to get your ex back. What you deem a success by this rule is all up to you.
If you are having trouble getting over your ex, then the no contact rule should help.
It would help you keep your sanity by blocking out negative energy, such as feelings of rage, sadness, jealousy, or regret. Your ex’s social media is fuel for negative energy. As stated, sometimes exes make their life seem better or post things as a way to reach you in hopes of getting you back.
You do not need to know where your ex is all the time or what they are doing. It can consume your thoughts and cause you to have feelings of rage, sadness, jealousy, and regret.
For that reason, the no-contact rule is essential. Blocking your ex on social media platforms is not petty. In fact, it contributes to your healing process.
If your ex tries reaching out to you during the no-contact period, it is okay to take weeks to respond. Everyone’s period doesn’t have to be the same. Some people take longer to process than others, and that’s fine.
How Can I Make the Rule Work for Me?
Not sure what is the right step to take? You can try reaching out to your close friends for advice.
Or, you can secure the services of a relationship coach. In particular, someone who may have experienced a breakup and has healed from it.
Keeping your boundaries clear to others is a form of self-care. If your partner is toxic to you, the relationship may not benefit you anymore. In that case, calling it off may be best.