If you’ve ever been out with a narcissist, you will know exactly what it’s like to be humiliated by them in public.
From being the butt of their joke, to being patronized or disrespected, the humiliation can hurt and leave you feeling brutally red-faced.
There is an answer. It might not be what you are used to dishing out, but it’s high time the narcissist got a taste of their own medicine.
You can watch them crumble, by doing this one thing.
#1 You’re out with the narcissist
Which might not be anything new, I get that. The party, the work function, the grocery store, absolutely anywhere where there are a lot of people around ready to become an audience to their humiliation of you.
Being out with a narcissist is like a whole new form of walking on eggshells.
It’s only a matter of time…
#2 Ways they can humiliate you
It’s challenging to look back and think of all the ways the narcissist you know humiliated you. They differ, but essentially, all create the same outcome.
So, what ways can you see the narcissist doing this to you?
- They can laugh at you for what you’re wearing
- They can embarrass you by revealing your work salary to everybody
- They can mock the car you drive, or that you ‘can’t drive’
- They can laugh and tell everybody that you can’t spell
- They can make you appear unintelligent, or try to correct something you say in a patronizing way
- They can do impressions of you that seek to make others laugh at you, too
These are just a few snippets, and I am totally sure you could come up with so many more in your own experience of narcissism.
#3 Why do they do it?!
For the narcissist, the best, quickest, cheapest way to make you feel and look stupid will be their go to.
Seeing you squirm and watching you wish the ground would swallow you up is where they feel their most smug, because they know they’ve got to you.
Your shoulders rise up over your neck, you gulp, and you dash off somewhere else to avoid further laughter.
Right there, in that moment, the narcissist has achieved what their cruel hearts set out to achieve, and you are yet again the butt of that.
Narcissists tend to do this because they feel so low about themselves. Hard to believe with some of the most overt, grandiose and self-righteous of the narcissists out there, but true enough.
The ego is easily bruised, so it is well protected by making others look silly. It means they get to avoid being the subject of humiliation themselves.
#4 Getting even: do this one thing
So, it’s time to get even – the moment you have been waiting for! When enough is enough, and you can’t take it anymore, you might think you have zero options to earn yourself back into the room.
But you’d be wrong to think that, and here’s where I step in.
The one thing you must do when the narcissist humiliates you in public is to put on the best, smiley face you can, stand as tall as your body will allow, stay exactly where you are, and keep a hold of your dignity.
It’s a big ask, I know. You won’t want to do any of that, I know that, too. But what the narcissist is expecting, is you to turn on your heel and dash off it tears.
They want to see the horrified look on your face. They want you to throw them that look that says, “Why would you do that to me?”
They want to see you looking and feeling helpless as you crumble from the inside out.
Take that away from the narcissist, instead of letting the narcissist take from you.
Yes, this is getting even, but it’s getting even in a way where you aren’t harming them, yelling at them, crying, or telling them how hurt you are.
As it stands, it is the best way to get even with anybody.
#5 Watching them crumble
As the narcissist fires what they think is going to land you in humiliation central, they will be ready to gobble up your sadness and convert it to more power.
As the words or actions hit you, and people around you await your response, you show them how dignified and self-respected you really are.
The narcissist wants a show? Give them tickets to yours for once.
Yes, they will crumble. They will fall down like a house of cards in a slight breeze, in fact. Internally, the following thoughts will be ramping up:
You didn’t react.
Where are your tears?
Why are you not crumbling?
Why didn’t what I normally do work this time?
Am I losing my power?
What’s changed?
You will know, because you are investing a whole different response to a situation that leaves you at the bottom of the dynamics yet again, and rising to the surface.
#6 When getting mad simply isn’t enough
You could get mad, but that’s not the same as getting even. Getting mad has such little value to it, although I appreciate at the time it’s the best you’ve got, and it can be a snap reaction to an already attention-seeking moment.
Getting mad can be channeled in different ways, though. Some like to shout, but that solves nothing.
Others prefer to try to show the narcissist how upset they are, in the hope it changes something fundamentally within them.
See what you’re doing to me, and maybe you will stop.
I want you to want to make me happy.
I need you to stop being mean because it hurts me.
Narcissists won’t just change how they treat you because you want them to be nice.
#7 Empowering yourself through the best revenge
The only way you will win with the narcissist is by empowering yourself, and making choices that affirm that empowerment.
Show them you aren’t a person to mess with, and that their humiliation backfires on them when you act so nonchalantly to their childish behavior.
No conflict needs to be necessary, because all that does is show the narcissist that you’re ready for battle in public. That means in private they can punish you for it.
A narcissist will feel humiliated if you stand up and be counted, and refuse to allow them to see their humiliation attempt get to you.
Sure, you might feel angry and humiliated, but it’s all in how you hide it from them that counts.
It does take practice, and I commend any of you who really go on that journey.
If you want to see them crumble, it has to come from a place of certainty within you. Know what you’re setting out to do, and achieve it with the tools you are learning to carry.
Hold your head high, ignore what they are doing, even act like they aren’t there. Whatever it takes to come out winning, I encourage!
