So, you’ve wanted to unnerve a narcissist for a while… and here you are.
It’s actually a lot easier than you think to get them off balance and catch them off guard.
Despite their confident façade, narcissists are usually surprisingly fragile.
You can do certain things to throw them off their game and leave them scrambling.
And the best part?
These tactics are subtle … but they are powerful.
I want you involved and invested in each one, especially if it means you get a little control back!
It’s about damn time!
Is That An Earthquake…?
No! It’s just you, shaking their confidence!
Like what I did there…?
Well, you know what? You can shake the confidence of a narcissist. You can disarm and unnerve them all you want, with the right tools and time.
When they think they’ve got you under their control, you shift the poles of their world. North is no longer North, and South is no longer South.
What’s in it for you?
Well, there’s the obvious gift of the narcissist backing away from you. Catching them on the back foot will prove they really don’t have as much power over you as they thought they did.
And you personally?
You get to remind yourself of your worth. You get to stand firm and true in yourself, maybe for the first time in a very long time.
It’ll feel good, and you will want more and more of it.
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#1 The Game Changing Boundaries
So first thing’s first – boundaries.
I know I talk a lot about them, but it’s the fundamental breakdown of boundaries that give way to any abuse.
And it’s not that you willingly or knowingly give a part of you away, or neglect it somehow. It’s that the narcissist is so able to get right under your skin and be in control of how they crumble.
The real game change is how you revisit and implement your boundaries.
The way you build them back up is by:
- Reminding yourself of your worth
- Knowing what makes you happy or unhappy
- What your ceiling of tolerance is
- Thinking about your values – what means a lot to you in relationships?
- Understanding that you do not have to give a part of you away in order to please anybody
- Know that people who really love you will respect your boundaries
- Not allowing guilt or shame to drop your boundaries for anybody
I said what I said, and I mean every word.
Narcissists won’t like this sudden ‘change’ in you. You assert yourself and remind them of your boundaries by telling them that you’re in charge of that part of your life.
And you know what? They’re used to having that control. You’re taking your power back in real-time, right before them.
It will infuriate them – but most of all – it will unnerve them to see this side of you.
#2 Mirror Them – Watch Them Squirm!
Narcissists think that they act accordingly. If you were to hold a mirror up to them, they’d point the finger and say the reflection was somehow you in disguise.
You should behave the way they behave. I don’t want you to unfold a toxic level of yourself or anything, but I mean to hold back on your love for them. Hold back emotionally, and see how it really unsettles them.
Give them a glimpse into what you have to endure, and show them that how they act has consequences for you, as it evidently does for them.
#3 Be Unapologetically Authentic
Hard to do? Very!
You’ve been programmed to be anything other than you – and I know that letting yourself go and grow is going to feel so strange – like somebody will tell you off or make you small…
…Not this time!
Being unapologetically you is the very reason why the narcissist hates you. All the while you dance to their beat, you’re pleasing them.
That means shedding your layers of life, zest and personality.
It’s time to get dressed. You are going to want to revive those layers and bring your true self back to life.
With your personality comes an inner strength that they won’t be able to control. Will it unsettle them? Undoubtedly so! But that’s not why you should just stop.
In fact, it should be the very reason why you continue!
#4 Grey Rock: Know When To Give Nothing
Think about the times your reactions feed them.
The supply they get from knowing you are upset about something is their own priority – not making sure you’re okay, or if you need anything.
They see you and how frustrated you are with not being heard, loved, or appreciated, and they enjoy it.
So, don’t give them anything instead of letting your emotions loose. Let them see a side of you that is emotionless, or as it’s widely now known:
Grey rock.
Grey rock is how you let a narcissist know that their actions are not affecting you in the slightest.
You see them trying to provoke you, and you give nothing in return.
Uh huh.
Sure.
Okay.
Mmmhmmm.
Or even nothing at all – silence!
To say they will be taken aback is an understatement, but you have to really be consistent with grey rocking.
Be the most boring, uninteresting person around them – like a grey rock itself – and notice the difference.
Now, it does take practice. I know you still feel how you feel on the inside, but the key is refusing to give those emotions away.
#5 Be Kind!
What kind of world are we living in where I tell you that your kindness unnerves certain people.
Well, I hate to say it, but the kind of world where narcissists exist…
I’m right, though.
Your kindness can really get under their skin and make them feel uncomfortable. When you portray parts of you that are alien to them, they don’t know what to do.
I know a person who told me once that their own father gave them the worst look for helping an elderly lady across the street.
She said, “I saw her struggling, so I helped her get to the other side safely, and my dad just shot me the look from hell!”
Her dad did that because he couldn’t fathom how you even spotted this woman needing help. And if you did, why give her your time? Where does that even come from?
It comes from a place of compassion, and narcissists don’t know anything about compassion.
