Do Married Men Miss Their Mistresses?

Do married men miss their mistresses? Of course they do. Men are wildly attracted to their mistresses. They enjoy their company, the sex is great, and if they could get away with it, they’d spend a lot more time with their mistresses.

Unfortunately, they can’t because they’ve got other commitments. They have a wife and in some cases children which makes for a very complex situation.

If you’re reading this, I can only assume it’s because you’ve fallen for a married man and you’re not quite sure how he really feels about you. If you are looking for some more insight into this question, keep reading. 

How Does a Married Man Feel When His Mistress Leaves Him?

How Does a Married Man Feel When His Mistress Leaves Him?

After being a mistress for months, and in some cases years, she’s most probably heard on more than one occasion that he’s going to leave his wife.

But time just keeps ticking, he’s getting his cake and eating it, while the mistress is getting frustrated with his broken promises. It seems that he has a different excuse every year. The mistress starts feeling betrayed, and eventually, she calls it quits.

She may break up with him in the hopes that he’ll be so lost without her, he’ll leave his wife and come running back.

But that doesn’t happen. A man will experience several emotions when his mistress leaves him. How will he feel? Will a married man miss the romantic relationship he had with his mistress?

He Will Feel Confused

He will feel confused because he’s in love with two women, and now one of them has left.

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She most likely left because he wouldn’t commit, so the question is what does he do? Does he leave his wife to be with the other woman, or does he stay with his wife?

He knows he has a very important decision to make, but he literally feels stuck. 

He May Feel Relieved

No matter how bad a man’s marriage is, having an affair is stressful. You’re always lying, you’ve got to remember the lies you’ve told.

Some men end up spending money they don’t have to fund the extravagant lives of their mistresses. The list is endless; some men can do this effortlessly, and sleep peacefully at night, others can’t.

Additionally, when men have affairs, it’s not always because they hate their wives, they love them and don’t want to hurt them, so when the relationship ends, it’s also a relief because his wife never found out. 

He Will Feel Sad

If he wanted the relationship to end, he would have ended it. Having an affair comes with a lot of complications, there are so many things to take into consideration.

Divorce is expensive, he risks losing half of his assets, then there’s child support, he may even lose his house. If he’s weighed up these risks and decided leaving is not worth it, he’ll try and stay with his mistress for as long as possible.

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Trust and do believe that he weighed up all his options long before he even met you. The moment he decided that he wanted to have an affair, he had already made up his mind that he would never leave his wife.

So when he was giving you all those excuses, he knew full well they were excuses. Nevertheless, he will still feel sad that things didn’t turn out differently between you. 

How Often Does a Married Man Think About His Mistress?

How Often Does a Married Man Think About His Mistress?

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “men are from venus and women are from mars.” Our brains are literally different, men compartmentalize their thoughts and feelings, women don’t.

A lot of women complain that their men are emotionally unavailable. That’s because men don’t acknowledge their thoughts and feelings until they’re ready to deal with them.

For example, when a woman leaves the house to go to the store, she’ll phone her partner on the way to talk about something that happened between them two weeks ago.

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She’ll be thinking about what she’s going to make for dinner, how she’s going to style the kids’ hair for the birthday party, and anything else that comes to mind. But once a man leaves the house to go to the store, all he’s thinking about is what he needs to buy from the store.

He may plan how to bypass the long queues, or think about parking, but all his thoughts are centered on going to the store. 

What am I trying to tell you? When a man leaves his mistress to go back to his wife, he files her in one of the many compartments in his brain until he can make plans to see her again.

He’ll start thinking about his mistress when he knows they’re going to meet up; in fact, he’ll get obsessive. He’ll think about the restaurant he’s going to take her to, the lingerie he’s going to buy her, and the wild sex they’re going to have. 

Do Married Men go Back to Their Mistresses?

Sometimes. It depends on the situation. If he had strong feelings for her, it won’t be easy to cut off the relationship just like that.

He may keep going back to his mistress while he tries to work out his feelings. But going back doesn’t necessarily mean he’s staying, sometimes, it’s because he’s sitting on the fence and isn’t quite sure what to do. 

Signs a Married Man is in Love With His Mistress

Signs a Married Man is in Love With His Mistress

If the man you’re having an affair with hasn’t told you he loves you, you’re probably wondering if that’s the case. Here are 16 signs that your married partner is in love with you:

You’ve Become a Priority to Him

At the beginning of the relationship, he was all about taking a shower before he left you so his wife wouldn’t smell another woman on him.

He would leave early to ensure he beat the traffic, cancel meetings with you because he had to attend a family gathering, or refuse to answer the phone when she called.

But now he just doesn’t care. He knows what he wants, and he’s adopted this nonchalant attitude and wants to spend time with you, “if she finds out, she finds out.” 

He’s Started Spending (More) Money on You

And a lot of it! Every time he meets up with you, he turns up with something expensive or thoughtful gifts.

He’s been paying attention to the things you like, and because he has a strong desire to please you, he buys the treats that he knows will make you happy.

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When he goes away on business trips, he flies you out with him. Men don’t spend money on just any woman, they spend it on the women they love. 

He Buys You a House

And no, it’s not in his name, it’s in yours! For one, this means he trusts you because once a house is in your name, you can do what you want with it.

Second, it may indicate that he’s planning on leaving his wife soon and wants to get things set up for his new life with you. 

He Starts Talking About the Future

When he starts thinking about you as a long-term partner, he’ll tell you about his future plans, and you’re in them.

He might start with a small gesture like going on vacation together. I just mentioned that one of the things he might do is buy you a property in your name, he may also buy one in both of your names, and start talking about how you can decorate it together.

In this way, he’s letting you know that what you’ve got is more than a fling and that the bedroom is not all there is to your relationship. 

He Stops Wearing His Wedding Ring

When a man is having an affair, he removes his wedding ring for several reasons, and one of them is that he doesn’t want to offend the person he’s with.

If he didn’t care, he’d keep it on, because it’s actually extremely risky to take it off. What would he tell his wife if he lost it?

By removing his ring, he’s indirectly saying that you’re worth the risk and that he wants you to have his undivided attention when you’re together. 

He Drops the Conditions

Some men will put restrictions on the information their mistress is allowed to ask them.

He’ll say something like, “we can keep seeing each other as long as you don’t keep asking me about my wife.” Or, “I’ll only see you if you’re not expecting this to become permanent.” Or, “I’m crazy about you, but I can’t leave my wife right now.”

When he starts falling in love with you, he’ll become more vulnerable, and he’ll want you to know more about him.

By dropping the conditions, he’s telling you that he’s an open book now, and that you’ve got full access to him. 

He Stops Having Sex With His Wife

A perfect example of this is the Chris Watts case. He fell so head over heels in love with his mistress that he killed his wife and children!

I know, he took it to the extreme, and I’m in no way suggesting that you’ve hooked up with a psychopath if your man does this. But some men will stop having sex with their wives when they fall in love with their mistress.

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There was an extensive police investigation into the Watts case, and some of the evidence used against him was that he was no longer sexually active with his wife. There were a string of text messages between his wife and her friend complaining that he doesn’t want sex.

It’s not that the man isn’t interested in sex, he just doesn’t enjoy sex with his wife anymore. If you’re a complete freak in the sheets, and all she allows is the missionary position when she feels like it, he’s just not going to bother.

When this happens, not only will he tell you all about it, you’ll probably start having sex more frequently. 

His Compliments Get Sentimental

In the beginning, he was infatuated with the way you look. Your eyes, your breasts, your butt, your hair. If he ever gave you a compliment, it was all about your physical appearance.

He still tells you you’re beautiful, but he’s also started noticing things about your personality that he finds endearing, and he doesn’t shy away from telling you.

He might say something like, “I love the way you laugh,” or I love how passionate you are about your art.” Or, “You’re such a go-getter, I’ve never seen anyone chase after their dreams as hard as you. 

He Starts Telling You Why he Prefers You Over His Wife

Let’s face it, men have affairs because they feel something is lacking in their marriage. It could be anything, from his wife’s nagging to her spending habits, to her refusal to give up her job and become a stay-at-home mom.

Either way, there’s something about you that he prefers, and he’s no longer shying away from telling you exactly why he’d rather be in a relationship with you than her. Let’s say you enjoy cooking, not because you’re trying to impress him, but because it’s just one of your hobbies.

So anytime he comes over, he always has a home-cooked meal. Whereas, he’s constantly buying takeaway at home because his wife doesn’t cook.

Over dinner, he might say something like, “I can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal, my wife hates cooking. I love your food, I’m so grateful that you always cook for me.”

Public Displays of Affection

When you first got together, you either never went out in public, or if you did, he literally wore a disguise and always made you walk in front of him.

Not anymore, not only has he removed those dark glasses and baseball cap, he’s all over you as well. He holds your hand, he puts his arms around you, he kisses you, whispers sweet nothings in your ear, the list is endless.

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Basically, he can’t keep his hands off you. Despite the fact that he’s still married, he’s got to the point where he no longer wants you to be a secret in his life, neither does he want you to feel that you’re a secret in his life, and he wants to show you off to the world. 

He Changes His Dress Sense

This is a big red flag for wives. A change in dress sense is typically not about a husband wanting to step his game up because he wants to better his life, it’s because he’s trying to impress another woman.

Even though he knows you’re attracted to him, he wants your attraction towards him to intensify. So he’ll start doing his best to look more appealing when he sees you.

If you’re used to him wearing suits, he might start wearing jeans and sneakers, or vice versa. Just know that the minute his dress sense changes, it’s because of you. 

He Gets You to Meet His Children

If a man is planning on leaving his wife for his mistress, he wants to make sure his children like her, and that she likes his children.

Children are often the most important people in a man’s life, so it’s essential that the woman he chooses to be with is suitable in this regard. But he won’t introduce you as his girlfriend, he’ll say you’re a friend from work or a friend of a friend.

He won’t take that risk, young children especially have no filter, and they’ll very candidly blurt it out to their mother that they met “daddy’s girlfriend.”

A married man will bring you around his children to test the waters, in his mind he’s thinking, “what would it be like if we were a family? “The only way to find out is to put it to the test. 

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He Starts Talking About Divorce

He has been thinking about divorcing his wife for a while, but he’s never discussed it with you.

But he’s falling so deeply in love with you, that he can no longer hold it in. He wants you to know that he’s ready to leave his wife for you.

Perhaps he wants some advice on the best way he can go about it. Or he wants to know that the feelings are mutual and that you’re definitely in it for the long haul. Talking about divorce with you will help him make up his mind if this is really what he wants to do. 

He Introduces You to His Friends

A man might tell his friends that he’s having an affair, he’ll talk about her all day long, but that’s as far as it goes, he won’t introduce them to her.

Outside of brownie points, men typically introduce their mistresses to their friends for their seal of approval.

They’ll know his wife well, and now they’re looking for confirmation that they’re doing the right thing. They basically want the green light to continue pursuing you because you might be a keeper. 

He’s Protective of You

Men protect the people they love, and one sure sign that he’s falling for you, is that he gets protective over you.

For example, you might be out in public, and someone is being unkind or rude to you. He won’t hesitate to pull that person up on their behavior. He’s not afraid, he doesn’t stutter, he launches into attack mode.

If you walk past a threatening situation, he’ll stand in front of you to protect you. Or, he’ll hold your hand when you cross the road together. 

He Asks For Your Advice

Men don’t ask for advice unless they value the person’s opinion. For however long you guys have been together, he’s been paying attention to what you say and realized that you’re actually quite smart and hold a lot of wisdom.

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So when he’s facing a challenging situation, you’re one of the first people he goes to for advice. And more often than not, you’ll see him put that advice into action. This is his way of letting you know that you have the ability to make him a better man.

When men feel that a woman has the ability to make him better, it motivates him to do better. 

Do Men Love Their Long Term Mistresses?

Does a married man love his mistress? Yes, they do. Or they wouldn’t be in a long-term relationship with their mistresses. Some men have mistresses for years, and it’s not because they want just sex, they have true and lasting feelings for their lovers and feelings are difficult to shut off.

The relationship probably didn’t start out as love, you got together purely based on physical attraction. But now he’s had the chance to get to know you, and physical attraction has turned into love.

Neither of you were expecting this, but it’s happened, and you’re going with the flow. 

What Does a Married Man Look For in a Mistress?

What Does a Married Man Look For in a Mistress?

Everything that his wife isn’t! Here are six things a married man looks for in a mistress:  

A Freak in the Sheets

In the early 1900’s, world-renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud coined the term ‘the Madonna Whore Complex.’

Through his studies, he found that men viewed women in one of two ways, as saints or prostitutes. They fell in love with the saints and had a strong sexual desire for the prostitutes. There was no such thing as a woman being both.

In today’s terms, we would say, “a lady in the streets and a freak in between the sheets.” Freud believed that men were incapable of loving the prostitutes and incapable of desiring the saints. In many ways, the same concept applies today. 

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Although sexual liberation for women has come a long way, there is still a stigma attached to females who have multiple sexual partners.

They are referred to as ‘loose,’ or ‘whores’ but the same labels are not applied to men. In fact, they are rewarded for it. Their friends pat them on the back and congratulate them for the women they’ve slept with.

So when it comes to long-term relationships and marriage, men feel pressured to be with a woman who is considered ‘pure.’ She’s either a virgin or she hasn’t had many sexual partners.

Sometimes, when a woman is inexperienced sexually, she fails to please her partner in the bedroom. Ultimately, he gets frustrated and may turn to porn or another woman. 

Basically, it is not uncommon for men to marry ‘pure’ women, and then seek out sexually free women to have affairs with. Now, I’m not saying this is the only reason why men have affairs, but it is one of them. 

To Feel Appreciated and Valued

In his book, ‘The Truth About Cheating’ psychotherapist Gary Neuman interviewed a group of unfaithful men.

One common thread between them was that their wives never made them feel as if they were good enough. They were highly critical of every mistake they made and ignored the good they did in the home as husbands and fathers.

These married men claimed that it was their wife’s treatment that pushed them to seek the validation they needed outside the home.

Neuman’s work was highly criticized for implying that wives were to blame for their transgressions. Marriage therapist Robert Weiss states that men who struggle with infidelity are driven by self-deception and denial.

They justify their behavior by blaming the woman when the reality is that you can take a horse to the water but you can’t force it to drink. Cheating is simply a lazy way of dealing with your problems. They’ve got character flaws they’re not willing to address.

This is why cheating husbands who cheat and leave their wives for their mistresses, often end up cheating on their mistress. The problem isn’t with the woman, it’s with him. Nevertheless, the conclusion was that men want women they feel appreciated and valued.

When they are made to feel this way, it motivates them to do better and work on becoming better men. In other words, just sex is not the only reason why men have affairs. 

To Detach From Reality

From dirty diapers to financial issues, to interfering mothers-in-law. Sometimes, a man can become so overwhelmed with what’s going on at home, that he simply wants to escape.

He finds it difficult to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship because there’s too much other stuff going on.

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To break free, he has an affair. With his mistress there’s no stress, they don’t have kids together, a history together, finances to discuss, or bills to pay.

When he’s with his mistress, he has nothing else to think about other than having a good time. 

5. A Beautiful Woman

In a survey conducted by the dating website Victoria Milan, seventy percent of the participants stated that physical appearance is more important than personality when choosing a mistress.

They had very little interest in intelligence, sense of humor or any of the other attributes such as kindness, or generosity that some men desire in a long-term partner.

From the survey, it appears that for the men who have affairs, their number one priority is visual stimulation. Well, that’s until they actually realize that the person they’re dating has a lot more going for them than looks. 

6. They Want a Challenge

Men are hunters, and their desire to hunt doesn’t disappear once they get married.

When some men date, they get excited about chasing a woman, if getting her to fall in love with him is too easy, they lose interest.

After the chemistry wears off in a marriage, and the man is confident that his wife isn’t going anywhere, he gets bored. When his desire to hunt intensifies, he goes out looking for another woman he can chase.

In his head, a mistress isn’t interested in settling down, she may be dating other men, he may not be her number one priority.

And this is what makes a lot of men fall in love with their mistresses, the challenge of making her his wife. 


Do married men leave their wives for mistresses?

Yes, they do. But not often, there don’t seem to be any statistics on this, but a lot of mistresses complain that the men they are seeing promise to leave their wives but never do.

What percentage of married men have mistresses?

According to the American Association of Marriage, twenty five percent of men have had relations outside of their marriage.

Please bear in mind that this number could be higher because not all men are going to admit their indiscretions. 

How do you know if a married man has feelings for you?

There are several signs that will indicate a married man has feelings for you. These include him sending you random messages that he misses you, him wanting to know if you’re seeing anyone else, or he talks to you about the problems in his marriage because he feels he can trust you. 

Can a married man really fall in love with another woman?

Yes, a married man can really fall in love with another woman. Love is a powerful and overwhelming emotion, not even the experts have figured it out.

He can fall in love with all types of women, someone at work, his lawyer, even his friend’s wife. Never underestimate the power of love!

Final Thought: Do Married Man Miss Their Mistress?

Whether you planned on becoming a mistress or you didn’t isn’t’ the point. The point is, are you happy with your life right now? If you can’t say “yes,” you might want to think about moving on.

Do you want to settle down and have children, or are you content being a side chick? Some women are, and you might be one of them.

The rationale is that they want a relationship, but they don’t want the commitment. Some women seek out married men for this reason.

I’m not going to give my opinion on whether I think it’s right or wrong, but it’s a truth that some women are okay with, and that might be you. Either way, do whatever makes you happy. 

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

3 thoughts on “Do Married Men Miss Their Mistresses?”

  1. You do not love someone who you cheer on or plan to cheer on. Keep the “I Love You” out of your mouth and save it for that one person you would never risk losing for just one good night.

  2. Do married men fall in love with prostitutes?
    my husband swears there was no love, but everything he did for her, in my book that is called LOVE.
    our sex life became almost nonexistent. He was angry all the time after I found out about her. It went on for months even long disnce, he was in phone contact with her after he met her in a foreign Country. the story is long.
    I know it was love, but I want him to say it, to admit it. He keeps denying it.
    I’m broken and I need to trust and believe, but I just can’t.
    I hope this message gets read, and somebody give me some answers.
    Thank you.

  3. Leave him and find your happiness within yourself! No therapy will bring him back! When a woman tries to save her marriage through therapy or any other gesture after he’s already involved with another woman, she only makes it worse. He might stay with his wife but the love is gone. Is it then really worth it? Men also intuitively know that their wife is making an effort to save the marriage BUT not really out of LOVE for him – so no couples therapy please! The only reason why many cheating men don’t leave their wives is money and children – this wife is really not important in the equation! She, then only has the titel of WIFE and is similar to a caretaker/nanny for his children. If he comes back to his wife, it’s only because the affair doesn’t last since the other woman starts giving ultimatums or he realises at the end of the day that she doesn’t satisfy him anymore. I might sound rough, but I can say from experience when a man is deeply attracted to his wife, he doesn’t venture out. And many a times, a woman doesn’t marry a man out of love…she does it out of needs, insecurities, hormones and sometimes doesn’t get the right guidance from her parents in how to be selective. Some men marry out of obligation if a woman gets pregnant and many marriages take place when people are much younger not knowing what they really want. Human beings evolve over the years and it can impact their desire in a big way when they reach mid-life. That’s when they look back and realise their mistakes which they feel stuck up with due to pressure from the society. It’s very important to understand the reasons no matter how complicated or rough they may be. There are exceptions when a woman is manipulative to rope in a man into marriage or the husband is toxic from the very beginning and that in itself is an ingredient for disaster in a marriage. So be kind to YOURSELF and to HIM and move on. If he truly loves you, he’ll never let you go – and that’s the REAL Test!!


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