A game narcissists love to play is called, ‘How much can I humiliate you today?’
They wake up, knowing their sole aim is to make you feel as though you want the ground to swallow you whole, as they laugh in your face.
This isn’t just once every now and then, it’s every day. Eventually, and quite naturally, you want to crumble away to nothing. You wonder what kind of world you’re living in where a person can possibly feel happy doing this…
… But then you remember, you’re dealing with a narcissist. They expect you to take their abuse without question. Let’s run through those daily humiliations.
1 Knowing when it’s humiliation
We’ve got to go there, because narcissists will constantly say and do things that might go over your head.
Oh, they’re just trying to be funny. They had a tough day. They just like to try to tease.
Humiliation isn’t teasing. It’s not humor. It isn’t the result of a bad day, or a little more stress than usual.
It’s cruel, and typical narcissistic behavior. Knowing when to call it humiliation will save you in a way, even though it will hurt, as it will indicate to you the kind of person you are spending all your time with.
The effect that will have on you will start to unravel and make more sense when you start to see the abusive picture clearly.
2 Suffering constant embarrassment
It’s never nice to be the butt of what somebody labels a joke. In fact, I’d go as far to say that any humiliation you endure can make a person anticipate events or occasions anxiously.
Will the narcissist say something? How far will they go this time? Can I talk about that subject, or will they try to make me look foolish?
It’s constant, and you try to predict the next time you are made to feel small and insignificant, but you can’t, because you don’t know what’s going to happen next.
So, what are those daily humiliations?
3 “What is this you’re wearing?”
You’re ready to go out, and you think you look nice, until the narcissist claps eyes on you.
You go from feeling good to wondering why you even bother when they mock your outfit choice, or how they think you look in it.
Is that a dress, or a night shirt?
And when you comment on their choice of words, it’s you with the problem, and you need to lighten up.
The humiliation will come for you in any way it can, and a narcissist will play on that. It’s one of the only few games they can think up on the spot, and use any opportunity to make you feel like crap.
4 “You still can’t cook!”
If you love to cook, you’d better be prepared for some cruel, unsolicited criticism back. Narcissists love to do this, and the harder or longer you work on a dish, the more they will come and bite you with a cutting remark that humiliates you.
If they can do this in front of others, they will, and pass it off as a joke. Others will laugh along, after all, it will be shaped to be innocent enough.
But you? You feel the warmth hitting your cheeks, and you just want to disappear.
I don’t blame you. This is pure evil work from the narcissist, who smirks away on the other side of the table, knowing they’ve got under your skin.
5 “We’d have more money if you worked”
It’s a line that carries pain, with narcissists regularly expecting you to do nothing while still somehow blaming you as the reason why they have to work more.
It leaves you in a position of not being able to win whatever you do, but it can be humiliating to have it pointed out to you.
It’s embarrassing to be told that the bills are getting more and more expensive to pay, and you literally sit about doing nothing all day (the narcissist’s words).
It’s even worse to have been previously told that you need to quit your job to take care of the house or kids, so you’re stuck trying to please somebody who evidently doesn’t know the first thing about being happy.
Then to hear them humiliate you, and you expected to take it? Well, that’s just a whole new level of cruelty.
6 “Looking after kids isn’t a job”
Yes, I hate to say it, but there are narcissists out there (a lot of them), who think that staying home and looking after your kids isn’t a job.
What do you do all day? It must be nice to relax at home all day watching cartoons and sipping coffee while I work.
If only they knew. The dishes, the laundry, the naps, the sickness, the errands, the taking care of yourself, the appointments, the eyes and ears you need to keep your kids safe; it all matters, and it’s hard work.
To be humiliated like this can make caregivers feel like their roles don’t matter because there’s no money being made.
Well guess what? Being a caregiver is a 24/7 job, and it is one that shapes the identity of families. You’re expected to just take these criticisms without question, but you shouldn’t have to.
7 “I think that’s a little above your station!”
There it is, the phrase that lets you know the narcissist thinks there’s a limit to your talents or skills, and that they get to determine what that limit is.
The biggest mistake victims make is believing their abuser. They think that what the narcissist says, goes.
This is wrong, but that won’t stop potentially months or years of humiliating comments like this, where they get away with telling you that you are too stupid for something.
The idea that they can say they think, like you’re going to change what you do based on their words, is scary, yet it happens all the time.
You feel humiliated to the point where you daren’t question their comment, and you stay small and quiet.
Well, that’s where I need to break it to you: your keeping small is exactly where they want you.
8 Correcting you in front of others
The reason you might dread meeting up with others while the narcissist is present is because they have a history of correcting you in front of them. You make a mistake, a fact comes out wrong, or your opinion isn’t what the narcissist wants to hear.
For them, that’s a good enough reason to mock you, and correct what they consider to be inaccuracies.
Done regularly, or with undoubted ego attached, you’re going to find yourself feeling regularly humiliated by them.
You won’t want to question them in public and create more of a scene, but you know you’re better off just staying quiet and letting them lead t he covnersations.
And that’s precisely what their aim was. Keeping you quiet helps them look good, and when you’e not speaking, they have more time to win people over and talk about themselves.
