Cruel Ways Narcissists Destroy Your Happiness

I mean, is there a nice way to destroy happiness?!

No!

There’s nothing nice about narcissists. The nice act is pretend – it’s not even close to real.

What you need to do is realize that this isn’t going to change – and those cruel ways they destroy your smile is how they will wear you down…

…Until there’s nothing left.

So what can you do?

Well, you can start right here!

Why Would They Do Such a Thing?

Why not?

It’s fun for the narcissist. They like to make you feel broken, because it somehow temporarily makes them feel as though they’re fixed.

Fixed from their insecurities and self-loathing.

Fixed from being so obviously toxic that they don’t have any true friends, or know what it’s like to love or be wholly happy. 

So it comes as no surprise that they care little about your happiness and will do whatever they can to rip it up into tiny pieces. 

If a person likes seeing other people happy, it means they have compassion.

They care about what’s going on in their lives. What successes or good moments they’re experiencing. If you’re lucky, they might want to share it all with you.

They may even actively make you happy, as well as support you when outside influences do, too.

These people are who you need around you, not narcissists.

If happiness were a smoothie, they would suck the glass dry with the biggest straw they could find. 

The Human Battery

Imagine yourself as a cell phone. You’re charged to 100% and ready for the day.

Showering and making breakfast takes 3%. Getting to work takes 5%. Before you know it, it’s the end of the day, and you’re left with 9%. 

You recharge, right?

Narcissists will hide your charger, and leave you to wake up the next morning with that ‘low battery’ sign. 

They will enjoy watching you struggle, and any happiness you receive that might charge you naturally is stolen before you even grasp it fully. 

That is why they are so toxic, and why you’re far better off without them.

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Destroying Your Happiness: The Invisible Conscience

Come on. You’d have to have zero conscience if you’re going to spend your time destroying other people the moment they assert a little happiness in their lives.

Whatever is going on that is an obvious cause for celebration ought to be marked that way.

Destroying it tells you a lot more about the narcissist than it does you, but of course at the time, you’re just left with the feeling of being less than.

Like the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Narcissists don’t know what a conscience is. If they did, they wouldn’t care anyway. Instead, they live free of caring how other people feel unless it benefits them greatly.

Remember – a narcissist isn’t going to overtly destroy anything in front of anybody else.

Criticizing You

Do you ever get the feeling that when you do something, you’re doing it wrong, even when there’s nobody around? Is it enough to make you think, “Why am I bothering doing this at all?”

You want it to be perfect, or it just feels like you’re failing at it.

If so, you’ve likely been heavily criticized in the past. That desperate need to just get it right.

It’s almost a deeply ingrained belief that it’s all or nothing. You don’t want to let yourself or anybody else down in the process. 

Oh yeah, criticism will do that to a person, and it’s how narcissists rip at your happiness.

You’ve worked hard all day at cooking a special meal for the narcissist. They take a bite and look right at you…

What on earth do you call this, because it certainly isn’t food?!

That’s it. Right there. That moment they know you’ve poured your heart and soul into the food, and they can just dismiss it in a single second. 

You’ve decided to try to sell your paintings. As an artist, you’ve had so many compliments in the past.

Really? You want to sell these? They’re just splashes of color. What do they even mean?

That’s it, too. That is enough to make you store the painting and never want to see them again. If the narcissist is really clever, they’ll convince you that you’re no good, too. 

I’ll let you in on a little something:

You’re talented. You can cook. The narcissist can’t do either half as well as you, so they want to steal your light. 

Mocking You

Mocking can be done both in public or private. The narcissist is very good at reading the room, so if it’s in public, it’ll be just enough to get under your skin, while simultaneously going over the heads of those you’re with. 

They may even laugh along!

Have you ever been mocked, right when you’re having a lovely time, or feeling pretty good that particular day?

The room is filled with friends or family, and you say how much you love the latest dance show on TV. Suddenly the narcissist pipes up:

You should see her every Saturday like a 7 year old. “Oooh quick, we can’t miss it!” Then she starts trying to copy the dances. You all know how clumsy she is – I have to tape the ornaments down so she can’t knock them over!

Ha ha,,,,

People giggle as his act of impersonating you becomes his main 

Punishing You

What are they punishing you for? Having a good day?

They’ll do that by hiding your car keys and blaming you for losing them.

They’ll punish you by forgetting to tell you that your friend stopped by or called when they said they would.

They’ll make sure your new shirt is burned under the iron but blame you for keeping the setting too high when they ‘tried to do something nice for you.’

Think of the most sneaky ways somebody could bring you down, and then shine a magnifying glass over it. 

The Cutting Nature of Disinterest: Soon, There’s Nothing Left

A true destruction of happiness is apathy.

Narcissists have nothing to give when they feel the recipient is undeserving. 

Which is most of the time.

When you are screaming with happiness or excitement, and all you get in return is a confused frown, you’ll know that you haven’t got somebody who is happy to see you joyous. 

It immediately brings you down, and makes you feel guilty for even thinking you should celebrate whatever that ‘thing’ was. 

Soon enough, you’ll learn not to get excited by anything. It’s not that you even think the narcissist will deflate your happiness.

It’s that it’s not even worth feeling good, because you’re not worth it.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.