Ooh, what a question. A question I am sure you’d all love to have the answer to, right?

Now, I don’t necessarily condone manipulating anybody…

…But for your sake of knowing your limits, I want to give this topic the time of day.

Is it possible for you to turn the tables and manipulate a narcissist, especially the one in your life right now? It’s possible that being in danger, for example, might mean you need to.

Let’s look into that!

Manipulation 101

Manipulation is toxic, I think we can all agree on that.

However, I do feel that there are times when it may be necessary to manipulate back. I like people to know that if they are in danger or need to protect themselves, they need to get out safely.

There are some strategies you can learn to help bide your time until the right moment you can leave. 

Remember – being with somebody who is harmful to both your physical and mental health is not right. 

So, what can manipulation look like?

• Lying
• The narcissists make themselves look like the victim
• Gaslighting – where your truth is skewed to fit the narrative
• Isolating you, making you believe you don’t deserve or need friends or family around you
• Guilt tripping you
• Giving you the silent treatment
• Being passive aggressive
• Intimidating you with their own anger or rage
• Love-bombing you – everything feels great – before the eventual discard

It can get dangerous, and there will be a day when you wake up and say to yourself, “I’ve had enough.”

That’s when you can manipulate the narcissist while you plot and plan your escape.

The Possibility To Flip The Tables

Flipping the tables can look like giving them a little fawning or flattery..

It’s a really effective way to manage a narcissist, especially if they are being particularly difficult. 

If you can appeal to their vanity in ways where you shower them with praise or give them a little undivided attention, you will turn into the love-bomber for a brief time. 

It just might give you enough time to get out of a problematic time, and in turn, your flattery will invoke a more positive attitude…

…Even if it’s temporary, it’ll be enough time to let you do what you need to do. 

Ways you can do this are:

• Telling them how nice/sharp/attractive they look. Compliment anything about their appearance.

• Don’t hold back, even if they don’t deserve it. Making them feel valued will give them a huge sense of purpose.

• Tell them how good they are at doing something, like fixing things or being proactive. 

• Ask for their guidance or request an opinion you pretend is equally valued. You’ll receive a much more cooperative narcissist as a result, and one who will place a lid on their anger, at least for the present time. 

What Have You Learned?

It’s a good question, and one you can really explore as you’re thinking about how you can manipulate the narcissist. 

What have you learned from them? What works? How do they get you to a place where you think, “This person is really making me feel good today.”

I know they may not be that often, but they happen, right? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have stuck around as long as you have.

I want you to start considering all the ways the narcissist acts towards you and start seeing how those things could work for you. 

Perhaps it’s the way they make your favorite dinner. Or maybe they treat you to a night at the movies because they know you love the new movie out (even though they hate it). These little dynamics are usually the preface for something more negative – but the narcissist won’t know you’re doing that because they think they know you too well. 

Can Good People Manipulate?

If you want the truth, we can all manipulate. It’s an ability we can all see ourselves doing or being, but most of us choose not too because we aren’t horrible!

Ultimately, how we treat others is a choice, right? The way you speak to or act toward your family and friends as a reflection of you, your values, your beliefs and the person you want to show up to them as. 

Equally, if you decided to wake up one morning and manipulate them, you could. 

It’s a choice.

Narcissists decide to do what they do because they want to be winners. They want to wear people down, to make themselves look bigger and better. 

To the narcissist, other people are simply “less than.”

Wanting It To Stop

When you want their behavior to stop, you try everything. I know. I hear it all the time.

I tried to be nice.

I tried to give them what they wanted.

I did as they asked.

I cooked all their favorite meals.

I made sure the house was spotless.

Nothing I did was good enough.

Narcissists manipulate people into believing they’re never good enough, and as they do, the victim believes it. 

Wanting it to stop isn’t going to make it stop. 

You have to eventually take action if you want to see the end of this relationship – the end of this toxic chapter. And it is possible.

But sometimes you have to be the manipulator. 

Ego: How Appealing!

It’s safe to say that nobody has a bigger ego than the narcissist!

Knowing how and when to appeal to it will give you a little temporary control when you need it. Remember to be subtle here—you don’t want to give the same away. 

Asking for their advice, or reminding them of their worth if they have a bad day at work are both great ways to boost their ego, and they will lap it up.

Frame Them!

If you have an idea but you’re afraid the narcissist is going to punish you for taking all the glory, ask yourself what’s more important:

Getting the credit or getting the task done?

Let them think it was their idea if you want to see it complete. Give them the whole:

Of course! I remember you saying how great it’d look. You were right! You’ve got excellent taste!

I mean, who cares, right?

Just give them what they want, and make sure the outcome leaves you satisfied.

Risky Business

It can be risky to manipulate a narcissist if you do it in a way that arouses their suspicions. You have to be clear and confident in your self in order to know what you want from the outcome of temporarily winning them over. 

It might be something trivial you want done, or you may be opening a window to get out when they aren’t looking.

However you choose to manipulate, do it well.

After all – you learned from the best!