Ooh, what a question. A question I am sure you’d all love to have the answer to, right?
Now, I don’t necessarily condone manipulating anybody…
…But for your sake of knowing your limits, I want to give this topic the time of day.
Is it possible for you to turn the tables and manipulate a narcissist, especially the one in your life right now? It’s possible that being in danger, for example, might mean you need to.
Let’s look into that!
Manipulation 101
Manipulation is toxic, I think we can all agree on that.
However, I do feel that there are times when it may be necessary to manipulate back.
I like people to know that if they are in danger or need to protect themselves, they need to get out safely.
There are some strategies you can learn to help bide your time until the right moment you can leave.
Remember – being with somebody who is harmful to both your physical and mental health is not right.
So, what can manipulation look like?
- Lying
- The narcissists make themselves look like the victim
- Gaslighting – where your truth is skewed to fit the narrative
- Isolating you, making you believe you don’t deserve or need friends or family around you
- Guilt tripping you
- Giving you the silent treatment
- Being passive aggressive
- Intimidating you with their own anger or rage
- Love-bombing you – everything feels great – before the eventual discard
It can get dangerous, and there will be a day when you wake up and say to yourself, “I’ve had enough.”
That’s when you can manipulate the narcissist while you plot and plan your escape.
The Possibility To Flip The Tables
Flipping the tables can look like giving them a little fawning or flattery..
It’s a really effective way to manage a narcissist, especially if they are being particularly difficult.
If you can appeal to their vanity in ways where you shower them with praise or give them a little undivided attention, you will turn into the love-bomber for a brief time.
It just might give you enough time to get out of a problematic time, and in turn, your flattery will invoke a more positive attitude…
…Even if it’s temporary, it’ll be enough time to let you do what you need to do.
Ways you can do this are:
- Telling them how nice/sharp/attractive they look. Compliment anything about their appearance.
- Don’t hold back, even if they don’t deserve it. Making them feel valued will give them a huge sense of purpose.
- Tell them how good they are at doing something, like fixing things or being proactive.
- Ask for their guidance or request an opinion you pretend is equally valued. You’ll receive a much more cooperative narcissist as a result, and one who will place a lid on their anger, at least for the present time.
What Have You Learned?
It’s a good question, and one you can really explore as you’re thinking about how you can manipulate the narcissist.
What have you learned from them? What works? How do they get you to a place where you think, “This person is really making me feel good today.”
I know they may not be that often, but they happen, right? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have stuck around as long as you have.
I want you to start considering all the ways the narcissist acts towards you and start seeing how those things could work for you.
Perhaps it’s the way they make your favorite dinner. Or maybe they treat you to a night at the movies because they know you love the new movie out (even though they hate it).
These little dynamics are usually the preface for something more negative – but the narcissist won’t know you’re doing that because they think they know you too well.
Can Good People Manipulate?
If you want the truth, we can all manipulate. It’s an ability we can all see ourselves doing or being, but most choose not too because we aren’t horrible!
Ultimately, how we treat others is a choice, right? The way you speak to or act toward your family and friends as a reflection of you, your values, your beliefs and the person you want to show up to them as.
Equally, if you decided to wake up one morning and manipulate them, you could.
It’s a choice.
Narcissists decide to do what they do because they want to be winners. They want to wear people down, to make themselves look bigger and better.
To the narcissist, other people are simply “less than.”
Wanting It To Stop
When you want their behavior to stop, you try everything. I know. I hear it all the time.
I tried to be nice.
I tried to give them what they wanted.
I did as they asked.
I cooked all their favorite meals.
I made sure the house was spotless.
Nothing I did was good enough.
Narcissists manipulate people into believing they’re never good enough, and as they do, the victim believes it.
Wanting it to stop isn’t going to make it stop.
You have to eventually take action if you want to see the end of this relationship – the end of this toxic chapter. And it is possible.
But sometimes you have to be the manipulator.
Ego: How Appealing!
It’s safe to say that nobody has a bigger ego than the narcissist!
Knowing how and when to appeal to it will give you temporary control when needed. Remember to be subtle here—you don’t want to give the same away.
Asking for their advice, or reminding them of their worth if they have a bad day at work are both great ways to boost their ego, and they will lap it up.
Frame Them!
If you have an idea but you’re afraid the narcissist is going to punish you for taking all the glory, ask yourself what’s more important:
Getting the credit or getting the task done?
Let them think it was their idea if you want to see it complete. Give them the whole:
Of course! I remember you saying how great it’d look. You were right! You’ve got excellent taste!
I mean, who cares, right?
Just give them what they want, and make sure the outcome leaves you satisfied.
Risky Business
It can be risky to manipulate a narcissist if you do it in a way that arouses their suspicions. You have to be clear and confident to know what you want from the outcome of temporarily winning them over.
You might want to do something trivial, or you may be opening a window to get out when they aren’t looking.
However you choose to manipulate, do it well.
After all – you learned from the best!
What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?
How Does it End For Narcissists?
Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.
Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.
If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:
What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.
Let’s get into it.
“Look At Them!”
It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?
They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.
Yes – it’s unfair.
You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer.
You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be.
Does The Tide Ever Turn?
What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.
I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.
But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.
And it will feel amazing.
The Beauty of Karma
I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.
Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others.
Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose.
Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game.
But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.
How Does It End For Them?
No narcissist has a really happy ending.
Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody.
Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends.
That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist.
They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something.
That is something they never end up getting.
#1 The Slipping of the Mask
You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.
I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.
In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.
If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.
#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies
We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense.
Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.
When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with.
I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.
Lies catch up with everybody.
#3 One Small Mistake
This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes.
I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.
He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible.
One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame.
His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard.
It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again.
#4 Time Will Tell
You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you.
Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.
As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event.
It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”
Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it.
#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!
Narcissists are renowned for moving.
To start again, if things get too heated where they live,
Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’
Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.
They run out of supply.
So what do they do?
They run away.
It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.
Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.
#6 New Friends
Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game.
Friends end up being enemies before long…
In The End
You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.
In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.
Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.
Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.
Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?
I know it is for me.
