Narcissists are famous for love-bombing. They work hard to reel you in before they suddenly spit you out like you mean nothing to them.
It hurts, and it leaves you feeling confused. And what else? You feel like you’ve given a huge part of you away to them.
Now – can you love-bomb a narcissist? Can you be the one who applies pressure and attention onto them? Can you exert your presence onto them?
Well, I always say, when it comes to narcissists, anything is possible.
The question really should be – do you really want to?!
Love-Bombing 101
If you don’t already know what love-bombing really consists of, let me give you a brief lowdown.
When you first meet a narcissist, it’s common to experience a brief to moderate spell of perfection.
Narcissists know how to charm their way into anybody’s life, and you aren’t excluded from that. They will weave their way in by:
- Wanting your complete attention
- Flattering you to excess
- Constantly complimenting everything you say, do, or how you dress
- Telling you they love you all the time
It also has a slightly darker side to it. These can ‘appear innocent enough’ initially, but as time goes by, they begin to darken and intensify:
- Jealousy
- Ignoring your boundaries
- Isolating you from friends or family
When a narcissist love-bombs, they mean it. They know exactly what they are doing, and with every intention, they try to get under your skin and make their presence felt very strongly.
Narcissists have a plan, and you’re a big part of that plan.
That One Dynamic? Nope!
This entire topic was prompted by somebody who showed me real concern in how they think about love-bombing as a whole. Their email read honestly, and their worries came across immediately.
I know I’m not a narcissist. Is it possible for me to love-bomb? If it is, maybe I am a narcissist!
As above, we know narcissists are more than capable, and indeed do, love-bomb.
However…
…Anybody can actually love-bomb.
The difference is intention.
“What Was I Thinking?!”
I’ll stop you there. The difference includes the fact that anybody conscious of love-bombing is actually able to reflect upon their actions.
Narcissists aren’t included in that!
There’s no need to feel any kind of shame for love-bombing.
Don’t feel shame for anything you feel you have done. Luckily, I’m here with everything I know to help you make sense of it.
“I Think I May Have Love-Bombed The Narcissist…”
So now you think you’ve love-bombed the narcissist. You understand that there was a part of you that took everything you had to give, and offered it to them without so much as a second thought.
You had loving thoughts and ideas. The gestures were conscious. The intention… again… was good.
You wanted to impress the narcissist. If they liked you, you’d feel validated. It’d write the story of how you met and fell in love.
You found yourself vying for their attention…
…Because you wanted to please them.
What does that look like? Well, it can be:
- Doing things for them
- Shopping for them
- Treating them
- Buying them gifts
- Being overly there for them
And were they thankful? Narcissists are never thankful, but they did gladly accept what you had to offer.
Take, Take, Take – Exhaustion
There is a side to love-bombing that is exhausting, and you’ll know what I mean if you’ve ever tried to consciously please a narcissist. You can do everything, and it still will not be good enough in the slightest.
It’s beyond tiring to give and give and give, with no thanks. But that’s where your goodness enters the group chat – because you won’t want to give up. Of course, there will be days where you’ll drop everything to help them and be there for them.
Is This Really Love?
The hardest question of all.
Is it love if you really have to spend every waking moment trying to make somebody else happy?
Should it not just be a mutual avenue of respect where compromise takes the lead, and you are able to just be there for each other naturally?
I think you probably already know the answers to these questions.
Narcissists Are So Desirable – You Want To Win Them Over
I get it. You’re keen to impress somebody who has most definitely made an impact on you. You’re keen to let them know how much you care about them, and even feel you love them.
They’re charming and desirable and full of this encapsulating energy you never want to be without.
You can’t have them leave, so what do you do about it?
Anything it takes!
Drinking It All In – Supply Central!
And what happens next? The narcissist is going to love everything you offer them.
Attention.
Love.
Praise.
Compliments.
Praise.
The narcissist will drink it all in because you are giving it out so freely. There is no limit to what they will accept from you. To you, that;s direct permission to keep doing what you’re doing!
Your kind heart will take that on and run with it!
You Don’t Need To Do All Of This…
Nobody should have to do half the things you do to get the attention of the narcissist.
Love-bombing them will come with zero thanks or recognition. They won’t remember all the little things you do for them, and that’s what hurts.
It all feels for nothing.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Your Intentions Were Good… And Different
As empaths who love-bomb narcissists, the take home message is that there is never an intention to abuse the drawing in of somebody you love or are about…
…Not in the same way narcissists love-bomb.
You feel it is your duty to earn the love of somebody who is reluctant to give their emotions to you.
It draws down to an insecurity for the both of you. And that’s really what any kind of love-bombing is about.
Narcissists love-bomb because they’re insecure about themselves and need your validation, love and attention. They do it to reel you in so that your attachment to them trumps absolutely everything else.
And you? You love-bomb because you feel you’ve found somebody special, and you want to please them so that they see you as a person good enough. You want them to notice you, like you, and appreciate all the lovely little things you do for them.
They won’t, though. They never will. That doesn’t mean they will want you to stop what you’re doing…
…No!
Keep doing it all! They are entitled to all of you.
The choice is yours now…
