There comes a point where we all have to repay back something we have borrowed, and for some, it can be tricky pooling the funds together to do so.
You’d think turning to somebody who cares about you for a little help wouldn’t be an issue, but if that person is a narcissist, you’re in for it.
Asking them to repay a loan will invoke a certain phrase that will make you feel so greedy.
What is that phrase, I hear you ask.
Stay tuned, and learn how to manage it.
#1 It’s payback time
We’ve been there. The statement comes through, and we need to pay back something we borrowed, even if it’s your credit card statement.
Only anything can happen, right? So a dodgy month, or a time where you had to pay for that emergency car service can leave you short.
Turning to somebody else for genuine help isn’t something to be ashamed of, but I will warn you that a narcissist is going to make a huge deal about it.
So your payback becomes their payback, and this time, it will have all to do with their power over you.
I never promised you a fun ride today…
#2 Turning to others vs. turning to the narcissist
What a stark difference between turning to others for help, and then turning to the narcissist for that loan to be repaid.
You will be safe in the hands of one type of person, but not so much with the other. I think you can guess which is which.
First, you have others. The other people you can ask to help you, and they will respond with a shred or more of normalcy.
Of course.
I am so sorry it’s taken this long.
Here, I have the money.
Thank you so much for loaning it to me.
What you ask of them, there is a dignified silence and level of thanks. You feel relieved that you have good people that you could help in a crisis.
Okay, hold onto your hats because things are about to switch up a gear.
Then you approach the narcissist.
They tilt their head and furrow a brow. They have a lot to say, and they’re about to say it all in one, single phrase that will make you feel like the world’s greediest, and most unable person on the planet.
It’s a phrase that knocks victims down when they’re probably at their most vulnerable. I mean, asking for a loan can be tricky for people who feel too proud to really step up and make that request.
#3 The phrase hits you…
I didn’t realize you were so desperate to snatch your money back from me at a genuine time of need.
This phrase, or anything that remotely resembles said phrase, is one that will instantly make you feel guilty and greedy.
Guilty for asking for the money in the first place, and guilty for not being patient and waiting a little longer.
It’s a loan for a loan, I mean, it’s not the biggest deal in the world, but a narcissist will beg to differ.
#4 Guilt and greed rise in your stomach
As you swallow your pride and ask them for the repayment, the narcissist will love the moment where your eyes look to them for that request.
What power they have right there, and saying anything they like before handing the money over will make you receive it but feel anything but good about it.
They force you to be grateful for your own money back, and you apologize for asking them.
You take the money thankfully, but you feel so greedy and ashamed that you allowed things to get to this point.
As the guilt and greed rise from the pit of your stomach, you wish you were more successful so that you didn’t have to reach out and ask for financial support.
#5 Job done for the narcissist!
Oh, this is the narcissist’s dream.
You have made yourself look dependent on them, and they get to pull the strings.
They need any kind of affirmation and validation that you need them, and this is the perfect opportunity for that to become a reality for them.
Your neediness gives them an overwhelming source of supply, and as soon as you even ask (you don’t even have to have the money in your hands yet), the narcissist will forever remember that you came to them, and didn’t conveniently forget the loan.
They feel needed, even though it is your money as they forever long to be, and in asking them, you’ve proven it.
#6 How to manage it
Managing the feeling that you’re greedy is complex. The narcissist is going to do everything it takes to make you feel like never asking them again, and the fact that you feel it will reiterate any unhealthy thoughts you have about yourself.
I am too needy.
I ask for too much.
I am ashamed of myself.
I wish I had more money.
I should never have asked for it back so soon.
I wish I was more successful.
I feel like such a failure.
These thoughts don’t just come from that moment with the narcissist, asking them to repay what’s rightly yours, but when you think about it, this is just a blame shift, and also an embarrassment shift.
The narcissist will feel embarrassed that they asked you for that money, and embarrassed that you had to ask for it back.
It will make you look like you don’t trust them to pay it back in real time, and the prompt will be an over deliver of the uncomfortable reminder that you’re not forgetful, and that you rightly keep track of what is yours.
You have to manage it sensibly and remember that you have every right to ask for it back, as much as they have every right to return it.
If it’s made so difficult for you by them, don’t let it back you away from what you’re asking. Don’t give these statements:
You know what? Don’t worry about it.
You keep it.
I shouldn’t have asked.
I’m sorry.
Forget I said a thing.
No, no. This isn’t a time to back away, this is a time to stand your ground, and stand it well.
#7 Learning for next time
The hardest lesson to learn is that loaning a narcissist any money means there’s a strong chance you will never see it again.
If you are lucky to, it’ll be because you asked for a repayment, but you won’t get it easily.
There will be the push and pull of who is wrong and who is right, and you will graced with their cunning plan of making you feel bad for asking for what was always yours.
There is nothing greedy about wanting the money back, and there is everything greedy about taking what was never yours with no intention of paying it back.
Remember how obsessed with money narcissists are, and the more they have, the more successful they feel.
Calling you greedy for wanting what they wish was theirs is nothing but pathetic projection.
