Q: Hi, Thanks for your work on the website. I have a question. Why do i feel like the crazy one? i was married to the ex N for years. We split and I kept sleeping with him till a year ago. When I said no more…..he was remarried within 3 months. I sent a text telling him all the stuff he did…..i got texts back telling me what a crazy I am….I wanted an apology for all the stuff he did to my kids and I. And then he turned around and told me how I turned his daughter against him, she did that herself, cause the way he treated her. Why cant i let it go and move on? Why do i want an apology and for him to tell me the way he treated me was wrong? I feel stuck, please help
A: Wanting an apology and wanting him to take responsibility for his actions are common feelings that victims of narcissists share. Unfortunately, that is never going to happen. Please reread articles on this website (especially the “Narcissist Blames You”) and you will see that not taking responsibility and blaming the other person is one of the key characteristics of a narcissist. They are experts at “crazy making” (making YOU feel like the crazy one) and they whittle away at your self esteem so that you no longer trust your own judgment. You will need to accept this fact before you can move on. Sometimes people hang on to this need for closure because it is easier than dealing with the immense hurt that the narcissist has inflicted upon you. If you absolutely cannot let it go, please go for a few visits to a counselor or therapist so that they can help you move on.