Am I The Crazy One? Why is the Narc Not Apologising?

Q: Hi, Thanks for your work on the website. I have a question. Why do i feel like the crazy one? i was married to the ex N for years. We split and I kept sleeping with him till a year ago. When I said no more…..he was remarried within 3 months. I sent a text telling him all the stuff he did…..i got texts back telling me what a crazy I am….I wanted an apology for all the stuff he did to my kids and I. And then he turned around and told me how I turned his daughter against him, she did that herself, cause the way he treated her. Why cant i let it go and move on? Why do i want an apology and for him to tell me the way he treated me was wrong? I feel stuck, please help

A: Wanting an apology and wanting him to take responsibility for his actions are common feelings that victims of narcissists share. Unfortunately, that is never going to happen. Please reread articles on this website (especially the “Narcissist Blames You”) and you will see that not taking responsibility and blaming the other person is one of the key characteristics of a narcissist. They are experts at “crazy making” (making YOU feel like the crazy one) and they whittle away at your self esteem so that you no longer trust your own judgment. You will need to accept this fact before you can move on. Sometimes people hang on to this need for closure because it is easier than dealing with the immense hurt that the narcissist has inflicted upon you. If you absolutely cannot let it go, please go for a few visits to a counselor or therapist so that they can help you move on.

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3 Responses to “Am I The Crazy One? Why is the Narc Not Apologising?”

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  1. Elisabeth Sekeris says:

    I left my narcissistic partner after 31 years and he blames me for everything. If i didn’t go with pension, he said, we would still be together. But that one year of pension together made me realize, what kind of person he is. Luckily I don’t expect him to say sorry for everything he did. Just write down all the stupid things he did and said. Reading it all over again gives me a kind of peace.
    A few weeks ago I made him very angry, just telling him something, he did tell me. He said you are always twisting things around. I said, no I was just quoting you. After that I didn’t hear a thing anymore. I hope this was the final meeting with him.

  2. kat says:

    Great question!I also find another article on here about the literal games npd pple play! It is a useful tool! I know how you feel and anyone who has experienced the crazy making behavior of a narcissist will understand.Just know YOU are a better person than the narc.You deserve love and he is not capable!They’re definitely missing out in the long run,because you can love and be loved, and the narcissist cannot! Do seek out a counselor or support group, sometimes knowing u are not alone helps!

  3. The little mermaid says:

    Yeah, they will blame you for everything. My ex blamed me for our car insurance rates going up after he was sued for a car accident.

    It is madness. The faster you detach and look at the madness for what it is, the better.

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