Dearest narcissist,
Which character will you be presenting to the world today? Which character will you be presenting to just me today?
I can’t wait to see, so I can prove my theory that you are one of these 3 different types of people all the time.
I’m waiting, and I’m watching you closer than you think. Your games have become too predictable!
Signed,
The new, empowered not victim, but survivor.
Watch out
The character of a narcissist is the most predictable you could stumble across, but you really have to know what narcissism is and how it presents in order to get ahead in their world.
If you have been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you’re going to be familiar with these concepts, and how they always paint you to somehow be the bad guy.
I ask you to watch out not only to be able to plot their games on your chart of narcissism, but to strengthen your power on how to spot these people, and in turn learn how to deal with them.
#1 The Hero
First up, everybody’s favorite: the hero!
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You’ve seen the films. The world is in danger, and it just needs one person to come along and conform to the hero role.
Save everybody, and you will be forever remembered as the person who put their lives on the line for that happy ending!
Everybody loves a hero, and the hero (if narcissistic), loves to always have that name attached to themselves.
Thank you for saving the day!
Oh my goodness, what would I do without you?
Thank God you were there!
You’re the best!
I will never forget this moment!
I owe you so much!
Oh, those comments will be remembered (especially the “I owe you”). Narcissists want it all. They need to hear those kinds of phrases that will boost their already overly-inflated ego,
What is it about the hero role that narcissists love so much?
For starters, there’s the obvious attention that comes with it. But let’s look a little more at what heroes take from their audiences.
They’re immediately proven to be ones to trust, especially in an emergency.
And during an emergency, what’s going on? People are frantic, they’re worried, they’re looking for any avenue that offers reassurance and somebody to come along who knows what they’re doing.
People want to be saved.
The narcissist scrambles, they cannot believe the opportunity they’ve got right now!
They know they can save the day and earn whatever they need to earn to be valued.
That’s all they ever want. If you’re handing over that value, they’re taking it without a care in the world.
Narcissists aren’t interested in what they’re being the hero for, they just want the title.
The accolade. The recognition. The love behind it. The compliments. The accolade. The reputation.
The idea of a hero badge is priceless to them, so no matter what the reason, they will earn it and wear it with pride – and never let you forget about it.
#2 The Victim
And comes next, the obvious victim. You’d think nobody would want to be a victim, wouldn’t you?
Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of anything negative, because it’s a difficult spot to be in and sometimes even get out of.
Yet there they are, almost lining up their ducks in order to meet that role and live comfortably within it. Why?!
A victim is somebody who has been through some kind of ordeal that denotes sympathy from others.
If you are saved from a riptide, you’re a victim of almost drowning. If you’re caught up in a robbery, you’re a victim.
If you’re treated unfairly, you’re a victim. These levels of victimhood vary, but ultimately they pick out the right kind of response from people.
Oh, you poor thing.
That must have been terrible for you.
I am so sorry this happened.
If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.
You didn’t deserve this.
You’re a good person, remember that.
These words. These gestures. The offers. They’re all right up the narcissist’s street.
I mean, what’s not to love? The way people gather and surround victims is just what the narcissist wants.
They can have that caring arm around their shoulder while speaking of their pain and misfortune.
They can manipulate people into believing a story that doesn’t exist, potentially putting real victims’ stories and accounts at risk.
And all for what? All to know that they can get what they want at the end of the day:
Control and power.
#3 The Martyr
Have you ever met someone who always seems to suffer just a little more than everyone else, yet somehow still manages to make it all about them?
That’ll be the narcissist playing the martyr, and trust me, it’s a performance worth a standing ovation (if only in their mind).
Picture this…
They do something ‘selfless,’ like helping you with a DIY project. Instead of just doing the task and moving on, they broadcast the sacrifice they made.
No one else would’ve done this.
Look what I did!
Yeah, yeah.
It’ll come practically waiting for applause. Their version of giving is transactional, with every move becoming an IOU.
But don’t be fooled. Their pain is nothing but a prop and tool to weaponize guilt.
If you say no to them once, suddenly you’re the villain in their story, and they won’t hesitate to tell mutual friends how much they’ve done for you, how little you appreciate it.
Cue the halo and tiny violin, right?
What makes this genuinely tragic is that they actually truly believe they’re saints.
Their ego thrives on being seen as the long-suffering hero in a world full of ungrateful takers, and y ou’re just the latest on the list.
When you get caught up with a narcissist, ask yourself this; Are they really being selfless, or are they nothing but a self-server in disguise?
A narcissist martyr doesn’t want to help, they want to be seen helping. They will do it loudly and dramatically, too.
Stepping away from their narrative
In case you hadn’t already noticed, you aren’t going to win no matter where you fall in the hero, victim or martyr category.
There will be a problem with it until you decide to step away from their narrative and really make your own mark in the world without them.
You don’t need to play their game. What would the point be if you end up being the bad guy, or feeling guilty for a moment you haven’t even lived through.
Their reality is not what happened, so before you start living it, I’d say it was time to step back and appreciate the freedom that comes with not playing a role in their game at all.
Narcissists never genuinely do anything. There’s not a bone in the body that aligns with authenticity, so rather than make it about them, make it about you stepping away from the drama and hassle, and leaving them to their own toxic devices.
We all know it’ll be a much better world when you do!
