When we are faced with a mountain of problems, wouldn’t it be amazing to get rid of 90% of them?
How lighter you’d feel, knowing you are free from so much, and as you watch them disappear, it will all be because you started to understand this one simple fact.
And I can guarantee that you will have heard this fact before, yet refused to believe it.
That’s where I come in to remind you that facts do not lie.
You’ve got 99 problems…
…And they all involve that one person who just cannot leave a positive mark wherever they go.
The narcissist!
They upset you, they don’t care if they hurt your feelings, they love you briefly when it suits them, then they ridicule you and make you feel as though you’re going insane.
These are problems, and they have the ability to get very serious.
You feel like you’re shouldering a lot of the blame, and that’s not helped by the fact that the narcissist is reminding you to shoulder it.
Want 90% of them to disappear?
I wouldn’t blame you if you did. The lightness you’d feel if you were able to rid yourself of the problems with them will mean you stand a much better chance of having the kind of future that you deserve, and nothing less.
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The one thing you have to get over when you understand the fact that I’m about to tell you, is that I’m not saying it to make you feel better.
I’m not telling you a lie to boost your confidence. I’m not giving you the special treatment to put a smile on your face.
I’m telling you a fact.
And facts equal truth.
The fact is…
You are not to blame for how the narcissist treats you.
Read it again. And again.
For those who have had to live with a narcissist for a long time, it may not seem like the easiest thing to read and understand.
It might just look like a load of words strung together to form a sentence that you can’t relate to.
My hope for you is that in time, you will know that this is the truth.
The abuse you’ve been put through was never your fault. You met somebody whom you thought you could love, trust, and see forever with.
You hold your entire life on the idea that you may just be the cause of their moods, or the way they speak to you, or how they ignore you when they feel like it.
You route the blame back to you.
They must be ignoring me because I did or said something wrong.
They must be yelling at me because I upset them in some way.
They must be withholding money from me because I spend too much, and buy stupid things we don’t need.
I should never have cooked chicken, I should have cooked steak.
Why are you blaming yourself for these things?
Because the narcissist is blaming you, and you’re believing them.
Being blamed is easy for them, hard for you
It’s all so easy for narcissists to point the finger at you and tell you that everything is your fault.
These are the types of people who refuse to believe they’re anything less than perfect, and imperfections behind when mistakes are made.
As a result, all the mistakes made in your relationship must be your fault, and that’s just how it is.
While that sounds fine and dandy for them, it’s you who has to put up with being in the firing line all the time.
As the innocent one, you will start to believe that everything that goes wrong is because of you, all because that’s what you’re told.
Can you imagine what that kind of shame and guilt feels like over time for a person who alongside this, has all their confidence and self-worth stripped of them?
This is breeding ground for an abuser to convince their victim that they’re literally nothing, and for that victim to honestly believe it.
Reasons why this is not your fault
I want to hit you with the main reasons now, because they all matter.
#1 You are not responsible for how they behave
Other people’s behavior – good or bad – is not because of you. We are all in control of how we react, whether we believe that or not.
So their behavior, when they do or say something out of line, or never because of something you have done to initiate said behavior.
If you can even start to get your mind around that reality, then you will go a long way to starting to see the truth for what it really is.
#2 Your problems didn’t exist before they came into your life
If you can spend a little time reflecting, you’ll understand how much truth is in this statement. Before the narcissist came along, there really was no problem that involved anything you’re dealing with now.
It makes sense to look at them and think, “This is all because of you” – and you should definitely do that.
When you do, you will put those pieces together and see who the real problem is.
#3 The narcissist is great at convincing you that you are the problem
The way they do it… We all know what that involves, right?
I don’t mean to be rude, I really love you, but you are impossible.
I’m only saying it because I care about the truth, but this is all your fault.
If only you could see what you’re doing. I really wish you could.
Think about it. Why would I lie?
Narcissists can come at you like they’re the most caring and concerned people in the world, and it will make their delusional approach to blaming you be so convincing that you yourself will nod along in agreement.
#4 You don’t have the mental and emotional tools to disagree with them
It’s convenient for a narcissist that they choose to place all blame on you, while simultaneously creating a person who is unable to defend themselves or see the truth.
This is can because:
- You don’t have the confidence to challenge them
- You don’t believe you’re a good person
- Nothing you seem to do is right, so this is just another thing
- Time has evolved for you to be the bad guy, and that’s just something you now believe to be true
Those tools are necessary for you to fight back, but you can’t do it without them.
That is where your understanding of actual reality comes into the fold. Not just what you wish were true, but what is true.
Knowing who the real person to blame is will get you out of a lot of sticky situations with yourself, and by seeing their manipulative tactics, you can undo a lot of their treatment of you by refusing to be drawn in.
Sounds ideal, doesn’t it?
Well, 90% of your problems will disappear if you start to believe that you’re not the problem, and that the blame doesn’t lay with you.
So start today!
