Before you go raising a fist – hold your horses!
This is never about a physical fight between you and the narcissist, this is more a battle of the self; your self versus theirs.
If you want to hit a narcissist where it hurts the most, it’s about lowering your weapons and raising your standards for you.
With these 12 ways, you are guaranteed to cause the narcissist pain right where it hurts the most, without so much as a finger laid on them.
Sounds interesting, doesn’t it?
#1 Do things without them
When you do something without a narcissist, you’re doing something that doesn’t need their involvement.
You’re proving to them that you are actually able and willing to put yourself out there and seek happiness, or even just get the simplest of tasks complete.
It’s a nice thought, isn’t it? That you have overridden the narcissist’s demands that you live a life under their complete control and done something for yourself.
You’re taking control of what you want, your destiny, and you’re doing so without so much as a blink of an eye.
#2 Learn skills that you’d ask them to help you with
Can you help me replace this tap?
Could you install this software for me?
Are you able to help me with this new shower curtain?
Who’s to say you can’t do these things yourself? I know full well how capable you are, and I have no doubt that you’d be able to learn these skills without the aid of the narcissist you know.
Don’t you think it’d be really neat if you were to just not need them?
Narcissists love to be needed, and you taking that element away will really hit them where it hurts.
#3 Do it all anyway
Travelling, loving yourself, being confident enough to apply for that job you really want, the hobby you have shied away from, and meeting your friends for coffee.
Do it all.
Do it anyway, even if the narcissist tries to tell you that you can’t, or you shouldn’t, or they wouldn’t be very happy if you did.
A narcissist is the most happy when they take charge of your life and stop you from anything that will help you be a happy, better person.
If you’re being told that your sparks of joy are some kind of problem, then you have a lot to deal with, and I think it all starts with you and how badly you want to retain your identity.
If it is a lot, then do what you want to do, and let them try and fail to fight you for them.
#4 Defy their gaslighting
When a narcissist decides that the best way to manipulate and control you is to gaslight you, they will do whatever it takes to skew your reality and replace it with a more convenient (for them) ‘truth.’
This truth will always be detrimental to you, and make you feel as though you are going mad.
You will be labelled too sensitive, too forgetful, and jokes at your expense will be made by the narcissist.
Over time, you will agree with them, and start to abandon what you have lived, experienced, thought and loved.
Before you know it, you are totally in their hands, and you have zero control over the smallest of thoughts you have. You even start to gaslight yourself.
Defy it all. Choose you. Choose to hit the narcissist where it hurts the most.
Because only then will it set you free.
#5 Defy what they tell you that you are
You’re not good enough.
You’re too bland.
You dress so unlike your personality.
You are a terrible cook.
Your hobbies suck.
You really can be so needy.
You’re so annoying.
Okay, great. Now your whole character has been torn apart, let’s think about what that means for you.
Do you believe the narcissist? Do you think you are a really terrible cook?
I can assure you, these are just words coming from their mouth to try to make you feel bad about yourself.
If you believe them, you will become those words.
When you hit a narcissist where it hurts the most, you’re telling yourself that you have a choice; to listen and believe, or to ignore.
Which one will you pick?
#6 Earn your own money – and keep it separate from theirs
I can’t stress enough that you have to look after your own finances if you are with a narcissist.
I know it’s tempting to listen to them and blend your incomes, but as soon as they know what you earn, spend and save, they will want a say in it all.
From telling you what to buy, to shaming you for spending too much. From wanting to dip into your savings, to telling you that you have too many subscriptions.
Keep it all to yourself, let them guess if they want to, but pick strong passwords and go paperless with statements so they can’t see them in the mail.
A narcissist without information is a frustrated narcissist.
But hey, that’s tough, right?
#7 Retain your friends
When the narcissist tries hard to push your friends away, make sure your grip is all the more tighter.
Keep them close to you, keep them in your life. Text them regularly, talk about them, meet them, and ignore every single twist and manipulative move the narcissist makes to try to pull you apart or cause a fallout.
I promise you that it will only end badly for you if you allow them to do this.
#8 Hold onto your hobbies
We’ve tapped on hobbies, but let me just tell you, there will be things the narcissist is more willing to let you do without causing a fuss than others.
Unfortunately, hobbies don’t work that way, and we like what we like, despite what they want.
So regardless of what they are, hold onto them. Make sure they align with you, and keep their special meaning close to your heart.
It’s what will save you in the end.
#9 Never ever react
The best and most powerful thing you can do to hit the narcissist where it hurts the most is to never react when they try to provoke you, and trust me, they will provoke as much as they can.
They’re waiting for you to snap. They want to see you cry, shout, scream and throw things.
The problem will then be you and how you are so volatile. They can blame you for throwing yourself around, and not look at the behavior by them that caused you to react.
So, no reaction is the best kind of revenge you can offer. And sure, I know you will want to.
You will want to show them just how bad you are being made to feel.
As you shout your innocence, you will be giving them just the right supply they’ve been waiting for.
The smile will creep across their face, and they will love seeing you fall apart that little bit more.
Hit them where it hurts and show them that their games no longer affect you.
