Narcissists are deceitful yet cunning masters of manipulation, that’s for sure. They know how to get exactly what they want – at your cost.
If you’ve ever felt completely drained, used, or even controlled in your relationship, there’s a pretty strong chance a narcissist is going to be responsible.
Their tactics can be subtle and calculated, and they are often hard to see until it’s too late.
I want to show you the 9 key ways narcissists take advantage of you, and once you know their moves, you can take back control.
Ready to start protecting yourself?
Mistaking Them
Mistaking a narcissist for a good person is how we all fall into the trap and allure. It can happen in friendships, as well as relationships and at work.
Heck, you can even find the odd one or two in your own family!
Mistaking them is how we learn our lesson, But this entire topic was made for you to have your wits about you.
To be on guard.
To make sure it never happens again.
You Want The ‘Good Guy’
Everybody wants the good guy, and I use ‘guy’ to describe all people, here.
The good guy will take care of you. They won’t see your weaknesses as opportunities to play with your emotions.
You’ve been through your own fair share of problems, and you’re waiting for that inner peace to come knocking at your door.
You’re sick of being treated unfairly, and you’re waiting for the moment it stops.
9 Ways Narcissists Take Advantage Of You
#1 Thieves of Reality
When a narcissist steals your reality, they aren’t just taking what’s theirs, they’re taking everything you stand for.
Your reality is based on your perception, what you see, hear and experience, and how you feel about those things.
If you’re going to have somebody come along and swipe it all away like none of it matters, you will completely lose yourself.
Over time, a loss of reality will look like you just saying yes because you want to agree with somebody. You will forget what it’s like to be able to wisely give your version without it being stomped all over.
#2 Good Old You…!
Yep! You’ll tolerate anything. You’ll deal with the backlash or criticism. You’ll take on that task even though you have more than enough going on yourself.
You’ll run yourself ragged because other people are making unrealistic demands of you – with high expectations to follow.
Good old you, right?
It’s not fair, no. That’s how narcissists like to work, and how they will continue to use you because you make it so easy.
I’m not suggesting you give away all of yourself, but your kindness by nature will be used as a way for the narcissist to take what isn’t theirs.
#3 “Stay At Home – I’ve Got This”
It happens all the time.
Stay at home. I will go to work, and you take care of everything under this roof.
The advantage the narcissist then feels they have is the permission to boss you around, and keep you under their control.
You can’t spend money without my permission.
I have the final say in how much money gets spent.
You have to ask before you buy anything, and I want receipts as proof.
Can you imagine living like that? Maybe some of you don’t have to do any imagining at all.
#4 “Stop Everything: I’m Unwell!”
They don’t care what’s going on in your normal day-to-day life: if they feel unwell, you’re to stop everything and be with them. Support them. Feel sorry for them. Make them soup – whatever you need to do.
The worst part of it is, sometimes they don’t have to be unwell at all. Narcissists will play it to gain the ultimate attention they require from you.
Why?
Because they know how caring and compassionate you are! It’s not a bad trait to have, but it will be taken full advantage of by the wrong people…
…By narcissists!
#5 “You’ll Do It!”
A lot of narcissists look at their victims like people who just ‘will.’ And I know how that can make said victim feel completely underappreciated in everything they do.
But, as good people who only want to help, they continue to play that role, because they feel they’re making a positive difference to the narcissist.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The narcissist is actually taking full advantage of their victims.
When the victim agrees, and runs around after the narcissist, only one person will gain, and one person will lose.
Because no matter what you do, it will never be enough.
#6 Love-Bomb: Incoming!
Oh, the charm. The energy. The love. The passion. The warmth. The excitement. The attention. The validation. The promises. The love. The wondrous ways your fairytale story is coming together…
… What’s it all for, if not to completely take advantage of you? The idea of love-bombing isn’t to love you, it’s to bomb you with overwhelm, so that you don’t see anything as good anywhere else.
You stay. You attach. You reaffirm. You become codependent.
That’s not for your benefit. It’s for the narcissist!
#7 They’re Sorry
If I just say sorry every time I upset them, they will keep forgiving me.
Well, that equates to automatic permission to get away with whatever the heck you want to get away with, right?
Right!
Don’t tolerate it all – just because what follows is an apology.
You’re worth more than that.
#8 “I’ll Be in Charge of That – Thank You!”
Never underestimate how much control and power narcissists want. They will not allow you access to the bank statements, the use of cards, or even the car if they had their way – and they will try to implement that as best they can.
I see it so often—victims saying they just don’t have control of such important household matters.
Your place is looking after the house.
The children need you – I’ll deal with the rest.
It’s complicated. Let me handle it all.
It’s time to stand up and see yourself as an equal, not a minor, in the house you live in.
#9 It’s Not Them – It’s You
Oh, it’s never them! They need somebody to blame, and somebody to take advantage of.
That’s you.
Blame shifting
It’s never the narcissist’s fault. If they can squirm out of a sticky situation, they’ll put you in the firing line.
Projection
If you accuse them of something, they will throw it right back in your face. That makes you feel guilty and ashamed to even have the audacity. It’s also to take the heat off of what they actually did wrong.
They’re using you.
Triangulation
Getting in between two people who are getting along swimmingly means the narcissist is breaking up a future alliance.
That alliance may turn against them someday – so they take advantage of your friendly nature and immediately stop it.
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