Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim. 

You Think They Are Perfect… So Do They!

When somebody presents you with this perfect image of themselves, it’s easy to believe it all the while those rose-tinted glasses are on.

When you don’t see a fault, it won’t even cross your mind that they are less than the whole package. 

A narcissist will do this well because they don’t want you to see all the ways they’re actually as insecure as they are toxic. 

It’s like a show, right?

The show starts, and everybody takes a seat and watches the actors on stage. You don’t know what the actors are really like because you’re seeing them play a role; a character. 

It’s the same with all narcissists. They welcome you to your seat, and show you what you came to see. 

Eventually, that show is going to have to end. I mean, nobody can continuously act like that without their real character starting to come through.

The Horror!

It’s always a horror to the narcissist when they make a mistake.

When something happens, you get to see the version of themselves that holds no color and no warmth. That’s when you realize what a facade it all is.

Catching them fail to be perfect means you have seen the real person behind the pretense.

Furthermore, they are reminded in that single moment that they have faults.

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Hey, don’t be surprised if you recognize your own situation in every single one of these points!

#1 They Are So Predictable!

The longer you get to know a narcissist, the more you can start to see patterns in their behavior.

You know at the family party, they will turn up and cause some kind of discomfort. You learn to dread those gatherings, but more so, you prepare for them.

Psyching yourself up, or remembering all the times before they’ve passed comment or judgment, or made you the butt of jokes.

The way they can destroy an occasion is astounding – but they do it so frequently and similarly that you can now actually call them predictable.

#2 They Tell On Themselves

Oops, did the narcissist slip up? I think they may have! Narcissists only have to say one word or phrase for you to see or hear the slip up.

No, I’ve never spoken to them in my life.

Really? The same person I saw you with at the office last week?

I told you I didn’t want to go.

No. I have a text here from two weeks ago saying that you were looking forward to it.

Narcissists tell on themselves all the time, if you let them just fall into their own traps.

Making it easy for them to do so gives you far more ammunition when it comes to fighting your half of the conflict. 

Narcissists only think they’re clever, but if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll see them make mistake after mistake.

It’s hilarious!

#3 Confession Time!

A narcissist will tell you everything about themselves the second they start projecting onto you.

You’re so narcissistic! Stop trying to control everything!

Nobody likes you! You’re not worth their time.

You are so frustrating. I wish you’d learn to love yourself more!

When you are stuck in the midst of these kinds of comments, it’s hard to really understand them in any way other than pure insults.

Once you learn about projection, you learn that narcissists use it to put everything they feel about themselves onto you so they don’t have to deal with it themselves.

This constant denial is hurtful at the time, because it seems as though you can’t do a thing right.

In actual fact – the mistake is the narcissist assuming you’re anywhere near as toxic as they are. 

#4 No Reason Anger

Shout, shout, shout.

Rah, rah, rah.

Noise, noise, noise.  

What’s it all for? Give me one good reason?

The narcissist can’t.

It’s anger for absolutely no reason, but it’s aimed at you to make you feel like you need to say sorry.

For what?

You didn’t do anything wrong.

When the narcissist becomes angry for no reason, they make the silly mistake of trying to lure people into the drama. 

Some will fall for it, yes. Once you start awakening to narcissist abuse, you will probably find yourself walking away and shaking your head.

Because it’s just not worth it. 

#5 They Underestimate You

Underestimating you is a huge mistake. Imagine thinking that you can’t do a fraction of the things you’re actually able to do – with ease!

Not only that, but this is also about character.

When a person wants to break you, they can take you to hell and back trying. If you remain steadfast in your response and do not let it get to you, you will end up being severely underestimated.

#6 They Don’t Commit To The Change They Promise

This is when you start to see the narcissist for who they really are.

Those promises made that are continuously broken will form a pattern for you.

And no, it doesn’t work out the way you hope because that happens when hope fades to disappointment. 

You want somebody to commit to you, and love you for who you are. And all the ways they say they will be there for you to be true and followed through with.

You soon learn not to trust them, even though they yearn for you to be faithful and stick by their side.

It’s too late when you open your eyes and see the narcissist, not the charmer!

#7 Believing They’re Perfect

This one almost makes me cringe.

Narcissists all believe they’re perfect. 

They adore themselves on the surface, and convince themselves that they have no flaws at all. 

That’s a lot to uphold, don’t you think? Especially when the mask can slip so easily…

#8 Believing What They Say is True

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite song. I’ll go one deeper than that:

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite ever sound. 

Nothing beats it.

They’re always right and believe anything they say is true. 

Nobody can convince them otherwise, and if you so much as question, then more fool you.

Well, actually, more fool them…

…One day they will be proven wrong, which will be their most embarrassing moment to date!