Female narcissists are the same kind of drain on people as male narcissists, but we don’t talk about them enough.
That’s all set to change today, as I want to talk about all the ways narcissistic women control men without them even realizing.
There are 9 ways this happens, and each point is destructive in its own way.
Well, what are you waiting for? It’s time to get brutally honest.
#1 You’re the hero, until you’re not
A narcissistic woman will make it seem as though you are initially needed.
There will be so much praise for your strength, and how reliable you are.
She will tell you how safe and secure she feels in your calm, and it will make you feel as though the universe specifically chose the two of you to be together.
It’s no wonder men feel respected in that situation, but then this belief disappears from the narcissistic woman.
She stops acknowledging any effort you put into the relationship, so you end up trying more and more, and never really meeting her needs.
Inevitably, you feel like a failure, and you blame yourself for the collapse of the peace. Every time you try to fix it, you try harder, to no avail.
This is the control the narcissistic woman has over you, and you don’t even realize it’s happening.
#2 She tells you that strong equates to silence
There’s a lot to be said for narcissistic women and how they admire the strength of their lame victim.
That is, until you start expressing your emotions. Then suddenly, you’re too sensitive, too much, too dramatic, or too insecure.
You start adjusting to what she wants you to be more like, but it’s never quite right.
No matter how much you try to speak less, or more quietly, you get it wrong.
And strong men can’t complain, so you don’t raise it as an issue, but she taught you that your strength is how you define each day without making a fuss.
I think in these circumstances, it’s important to remember that you are not strong in silence, you’re being suppressed by a person who does not want you to have a voice.
#3 She rewards your loyalty while constantly raising her standards
Your loyalty will be enough for the narcissistic woman at first. She will even admire it, or rely on it to help her in some way.
To others, she will brag about how loyal you are to her, and then suddenly, there will be a shift in that bar.
Your loyalty goes from being everything she;s asked for and more, to obedience; your agreement to her.
Then before you know it, you’re sacrificing everything you believe in just to be able to say to her that you are on her side.
She will demand it of you, and that’s a level of control that can get very scary quickly.
It’s in not noticing this pattern change that the control really takes hold.
#4 Your vulnerability is her map
Like all narcissists ,they listen closely to the fears and stories you have. But with narcissistic women, it hits differently.
She will lean in and make you feel seen, and your doubts are absorbed by her seemingly honest smile and gaze.
She promises you that she will never make you feel that way, and you feel safe knowing the future looks bright and secure.
Then?
Then those same vulnerabilities that you shared start to reappear.
They aren’t loud, and you will never be attacked directly, but she will guide you back into your insecurities using patterns that are bespoke to you alone.
#5 You have to earn everything
When the two of you first met, affection was easy. It came and you felt great about it.
She was warm and finding affection was effortless. Out of nowhere, it became only conditional.
It was always dependent on her mood, and that made it terribly unpredictable.
You had to start earning it, like it was an unpaid job, and the better you behaved, the more of it you saw.
You had to be patient around her, compliment her, and support her in everything she asked you to.
Her love was your reward, and without doing as she wanted, it wouldn’t even slightly reach you.
Just as you think you’re improving the relationship, she’s doing everything she can to control your role within it.
#6 Your logic is used against you
You try to be rational, and you’d like to think you’re pretty good at being so.
You solve problems well, and yet the narcissistic woman in your life seems to use that against you.
When something hurts you, the first thing she does is reframe it.
Let’s be logical here.
You’re overthinking it all.
So you start to doubt yourself. You begin to trust your head over your gut, which is fairly dangerous for anybody to do.
The truth is, the narcissistic woman wants to silence your intuition so you learn to trust her over yourself.
This is an ultimate power move in control.
#7 She always makes out she’s some kind of prize
It’s nice to feel lucky that you’ve met somebody amazing, but you shouldn’t constantly feel as though you’ve won some kind of prize.
That’s how narcissistic women can get under your skin and change your frame of mind.
She will imply that you are lucky you have her, and that she chose you. You’re lucky she stays. You’re lucky she tolerates you.
It makes you start wanting to up your game, knowing you have all that and more to lose if you break up.
If she starts making you feel replaceable, she has control to keep you on your toes, fighting for her love every single day.
#8 The version of her that you see is only for you
When you’re around her, you feel so much calmer. At least, that’s what she tells you.
What does that imply? It will teach you subconsciously that without her, you’d be lost and unstable.
You wouldn’t be complete.
And so she becomes the mirror that you see your reflection in, and that’s where your identity lies.
This is how love can flip very quickly into dependency.
She wants to encapsulate you, and make you feel as though you’d be lost without her, but we know that’s just a level of control that’s been fabricated to keep you close.
#9 She uses intimacy as a weapon
Women use physical intimacy as a weapon to keep you hooked, but really it’s just a strong and seductive way to control you.
They use their sexuality to lure you in, forget your own name, and make you feel like passion is love.
You don’t realize it’s controlling because you enjoy it, you wait for it; you live for it.
That’s dangerous, because she knows exactly what she’s doing, and how to get the best out of you using her feminine powers and charm.
You can’t believe your luck, and never want to lose her, but this intimacy changes over time, and becomes something that ‘you are obsessed with.’
This control will keep your confusion always ebbing and flowing with your own moods.
