Children have a great way of shining a light on what is true, and this is no exception.
If you think about all the ways you confirmed a parent to be a narcissist in adulthood, you will see all the ways your narcissistic parent got away with their toxic behavior.
That is, until now.
Looking at your past is an effective way to heal in the present moment, and this is no different.
If you want to pick up the clues that were scattered in your early years, look no further than these 9 confirming ways that your parent revealed their narcissism.
#1 “Look what I won!”
When the precious moment arrives where you have something to show to your narcissistic parent, you will feel (briefly) on top of the world.
I note ‘briefly,’ because it won’t last long. When you reach their presence and show them what success looks like, they will see you as a direct threat.
How dare you try to get one up on them? How dare you even attempt to look like you know more than they do?
Of course, it’s not like that at all. You’re just an innocent kid with some good news to share.
But to the narcissistic parent, you’re vying for attention, and that means any attention on them will diminish.
Soon enough, you learn to either not chase success, or keep it a secret if you do achieve anything.
#2 “I got in!”
That dream college or university. The club you’ve been on the waiting list for. That audition you went for that your narcissistic parent told you would be a waste of time.
You got in.
Somebody saw you as the person for the task, and your name was put forward.
You reach out to your parent with trepidation. You know what the likely outcome will be, and watching them squirm and turn their back on you will prove that.
It’s good, no? In fact, scrap that, it’s fantastic. You want them to be happy for you, but it’s impossible all the while the good stuff isn’t happening to them.
#3 “I don’t feel well”
One of the biggest ways to confirm you have a narcissistic parent as a child is to not feel well.
Kids aren’t expected to look after themselves quite in the way adults can when they’re unwell, and so they look immediately to their parents for love and comfort.
A hug, some soup, a blanket, regular check-ins. It’s standard, right? Narcissists won’t like doing this, not even a little bit.
Sure, you might get the medicine because narcissists won’t want to look bad in front of the doctor, but when you get get home, you will be met with sighs.
If you’re really unlucky, you’ll hear, “When I was your age I had to just get on with it. I had three jobs by the time I was 15, and was never allowed a day off to be sick.”
Way to make you feel bad, and way to make it all about them.
#4 “Where were you?”
You had your school show, that sporting event, that parent teacher conference, and they dudn;t show up. Your birthday party came and went, and they were absent.
Where were they?
It doesn’t really matter, the excuses will be different every time, but I would hazard a guess they will mostly revolve around work.
Knowing you were counting on them won’t make a difference, and that’s how you know you’ve got a narcissistic parent. What you hold valuable, they don’t. It’s as simple as that.
So all those times you’re let down, narcissism will be confirmed in their lack of care that their actions hurt you.
If anything, you should count yourself lucky that you have a parent who works and provides for you… (eye roll).
#5 “It’s my birthday soon!”
Well there, you said it now. Your birthday will be yet another excuse for them to remind you how lucky you are, and how much you are asking for.
That will mean more work for them to earn the money, and less time at home.
It also gives your narcissistic parent the permission to cause chaos and rattle moods in your house.
After all, who should look forward to a positive event or occasion in this world?
That only means you’re not paying attention to your parent, and that simply will not do at all!
What does this mean? It means you are not able to have joy in your life.
And the day of your birth (which you didn’t even ask for in itself) becomes tarnished with their toxicity.
#6 “I need new shoes”
What do you mean you ‘need new shoes?’ Don’t you know how much these things cost? What did you get last week, that new coat?
And now your shoes don’t fit? Do you think your narcissistic parent is made of money?
Of course, you’ll get them, but not before you feel really bad about needing them. Suddenly, they don’t seem appealing, as much as you require a pair that fits.
You’re a child, you’re growing, and shoes are essential. Yet you somehow, every time, are made to feel like you’re a pain in the ass for mentioning it.
#7 “Will you play with me?”
Narcissists will play with you until they get fed up. They will play with you as long as it’s something they want to play. They will play with you if there is an audience.
Other than that, don’t for one moment assume they will play and play and play, because they won’t.
They don’t want to entertain you unless there’s something in it for them, and sadly, you will get to know that.
As your little shoulders drop in disappointment at them giving up or saying ‘no,’ you will learn that the only way to get them to join in is if you don’t expect a miracle, or if somebody they want to make a good impression on is watching.
#8 “I feel sad”
Oh, really? What have you got to feel sad about? You’ve a roof over your head, food on the table, and clean bed sheets.
That’s the problem with narcissistic abuse, isn’t it? You have a nice house and warm bed, but you have a parent who is as cold and unforgiving as ice.
That level of neglect runs deep, and the after effects can last a lifetime.
Feeling sad is your own problem, and you’ll just have to fix it yourself because your narcissistic parent is far too busy.
Confirmation!
#9 “I’m so happy!”
Okay, well you’re going to have to put a lid on it.
How many times have I told you to stop bouncing around like this?
Okay okay, calm down. You don’t need to yell so loudly.
Stop it. It isn’t like you won the lottery or something.
Make the most of it before life bites you in the butt.
In other words – you won’t be happy for long if your narcissistic parent has anything to do with it.
How dare you assume that you’re entitled to such positivity?
Ding, ding! Narcissistic parent alert!
