Wait for a narcissist to take any kind of blame and you will be waiting a long time.

Instead, you’re going to be the bad guy. They already decided that a long time ago, and that’s probably why you’re in their life.

You’re the scapegoat.

So when the shit hits the fan, the narcissist is already ready to point the finger at you.

Here are the nine things they say to direct it your way.

Frustrating? YES!

It’s never fun to be blamed for something you didn’t do, but at least if you were to blame, you’d hold your hands up and take it. 

It’s how we learn. We can make mistakes that catapult us into a new chapter of our lives. We reflect and we ask for forgiveness. 

We admit that we’re not human – because we are!

Don’t expect a narcissist to have that kind of attitude though, because they will never be blamed. 

They will always avoid it.

Let;s look deeper into how.

 #1 “I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”

Narcissists conventantly never know what you’re talking about unless they want to use what you’re saying against you.

When it boils down to it, they will deny you of your reality by shutting your blame down, and turning it into a ‘you’ problem.

This is where you will often find yourself swimming against the tide as you feel their wrath fire back at you in such a covert way.

And yes, this is true gaslighting. 

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#2 “I Think You Need to Listen To Yourself For a Moment”

If a narcissist can convince you that you are saying ridiculous things, they will.

In the middle of an argument, you might find them requesting that you reflect on what you’re saying, as if there is something terribly incorrect about it.

So naturally, you do. And you will. As you do, you will find what isn’t there, and that blame shift will occur. 

Don’t ever let them have that kind of authority over your thoughts. 

You are blaming them for a reason.

#3 “You Sound Hysterical”

Do you? Well, they will certainly convince you that you do. That’s where you’ll be shut down, and it will become about your hysterical behavior (that doesn’t exist) rather than what you’re blaming them for in the first place.

See how they move and shift, and take you with them?

And by the way, can I add here that you don’t sound hysterical. They’re trying to make you sound crazy so you tone it down and even silence yourself.

Narcissists love a silent victim.

Don’t be that person, and don’t take the blame for daring to have a voice.

#4 “Why Do You Always Point The Finger At Me?”

Commonly, narcissists will act as though the problem is with you trying to cause trouble (blame them), rather than focus on what it is you’re actually blaming them for.

It could be that they did something very hurtful, but if you’re calling them out, they will make that the issue, swerving your words as a result.

Nothing is more sickening. 

#5 “Like You’re Perfect!”

The one time you develop the courage to blame them and refuse to hold it yourself will be the time they recall the one time you made a mistake in the past.

It’s never forgotten, because it’s truly all the narcissist has to go by. 

Narcissists do this a lot because they want to remind you that you aren’t perfect constantly.

If you’re taking me down, I am taking you with me!

When you are reminded, it pushes a level of guilt and shame onto you. Can you recall a time this has happened?

It’s not pleasant for the people who do, because what happens is they find themselves apologizing.

You don’t need to. You’ve done your time, and you showed remorse. 

Now the focus is on the narcissist, and they’re doing very little to offer the same level of self-reflection back at you. 

This speaks volumes.

#6 “You’re Obsessed With Blaming Everybody Else”

Comments like this make victims reflect on the past. And they will usually see a distorted version of this as they think of similar times they’ve blamed another person for something.

Suddenly all those times will add up and make the victim feel the narcissist is correct.

Oh my goodness. I do blame other people a lot. 

Am I obsessed?

I must be!

What must people think of me!

I am always pointing the finger.

I need to go less hard on people.

It’s not fair.

Why do I do it?

Is it me?

Am I the problem?

You see what happened there?

In a short space of time, the victim had an entire conversation with themselves, and discovered the narcissist was right – they are obsessed!

And for the narcissist? Perfect! Job done!

#7 “It’s Your Fault”

There it is, simple as day. 

Your fault. 

Really? Did you make them do it? Did you lead them to the waters of immorality? No, you didn’t. But this is just probably the most childish way of getting out of any blame.

You’ll do. You’re there. You take the hit, and leave the narcissist out of it.

It’s a moment I like to use to remind you of who you’re actually dealing with. You think these people love and care about you, but they don’t. 

Narcissists would rather drop you like a hot potato into the fire pit of blame than deal with any blame themselves.

Do you know what that says about them? It says how toxic they are. 

#8 “It’s Because You Did This…”

Okay. So you did X which automatically gave them permission to do Y and Z.

Got it.

Make it make sense, Alexander!

I’ll give it a go.

You led the narcissist into the wrong. Do you see how in literally any other moment of living life with a narcissist, they love to take the lead.

The moment they’re up for blame, they will shy away from that lead and tell you that it was all you. 

Come on.

Don’t buy it. 

#9 “I Don’t Feel Well, And You’re Making It Worse”

Oh, did you catch the narcissist at a bad time? Surely they just must feel so unwell that you can’t keep blaming them.

It’s hardly fair to put an unwell person on the stand for their moral crime, when you could be quiet and allowing them to rest and forget about-

Oh. 

I see what they did there.

Well done for managing to escape the blame by pretending you’re too unwell to defend yourself.

Classic narc move!

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.