Before you get confused, I need you to know that narcissists all operate in the same way.
They lie, they cheat, they steal, and they hold zero remorse. So what do you do about it?
Listen. I’m asking you to listen to the narcissist, especially when they turn on you with these 9 phrases that mean the exact opposite of what they’re actually saying.
Learn to decipher their mind games, and you’ll find yourself living a much easier life.
Learning to Flip The Script
Before we dive in, I need you for a moment, so sit up and get comfortable.
You think you know them, but you don’t. You think you can predict what they will say or do, yet somehow they still manage to get under your skin in the worst way.
You think they’re being honest, but they’re not. You think they’re trying to help you, but they’re not.
I cannot stress the amount of people who message me and still seem surprised that the narcissist is treating them so poorly.
It’s what they do! They’re never going to be any different, as much as you hope and pray they will change.
If you can learn to flip the script of what they tell you, you will in some way start to unravel the truth behind their words.
Remember, we can all say anything, but it’s in our actions and intentions the truth lies.
#1 “Trust Me”
Oh no. If I can request anything from you, it’s not to travel down the path of trust.
And sure, they do mean it when they ask you to trust them. They want and need you to put your faith into them so you always give them the benefit of the doubt. You always hand over your loyalty even when it’s far from deserved.
But what happens when you do? They won’t value it, or keep it safe. They will abuse it and take full advantage.
Well, they will forgive me anyway, so I’m just going to do it.
Sounds about right, doesn’t it? The thing is, as soon as you stop, then you’re thep problem!
This isn’t a you thing, it’s really all about their inability to be held accountable for the wrong they do.
So instead of not doing wrong things, they rely on you to turn a blind eye when they do, because hey, you trust them.
#2 “You’re Overreacting”
They want you to think you’re overreacting, but in reality, you’re just being yourself, if anything, you’re underplaying whatever it is.
So what do you do? Well, you’re already quiet, and all they want to do is silence you even more.
Can you believe it? As if your tiny voice is too loud for them, they want your voice to be gone for good.
Playing the kind of card will see you not bother to attempt to ask them anything marginally uncomfortable, or even pass over your thoughts. So you learn to keep them in and not share them.
It’s not healthy, but I think you already know that. What’s better is being able to communicate honestly without fear of repercussions or accusation.
They know you aren’t overreacting, but they want to gaslight you into thinking you are.
This is where you need to hold your ground and know what’s right from wrong, before they change that concept for you forever.
Narcissists suck!
#3 “I’d Never Hurt You”
At the time, you just think the narcissist is saying a sweet thing to you, reassuring you that they won’t put pain on your doorstep.
How many of you have heard this, while later experiencing the very thing they told you they’d not do?
Narcissists want you to trust them as soon as it’s possible to do so. If you can trust them, you will believe them and stick by them no matter what.
With your trust, they will spin and turn your days into misery, while frowning at you if you question their moves.
You know I love you, I’d never do that to you.
But, you did. You are. It’s pure gaslighting not to mention a blatant fat lie.
#4 “I Promise I’ll Change”
They practically beg you to stay after they know they’ve caused you pain, but that’s not the reason they’re making empty promises.
This is called damage control! They think if they can manipulate you once again, you’ll keep quiet and move on like nothing happened.
‘I promise I’ll change’ is difficult to believe when you’re so used to time and time again bouts of being hurt, and remember, the narcissist has a choice. They don’t have to hurt you, they choose to.
#5 “It Was Just a Joke”
Jokes are supposed to be funny, not mean. If you’re the butt of a joke, or if they’ve criticized you, what you’re wearing or what you like following it up with, “Come on, take a joke,” then there are issues.
They’re asking you here to accept that they want to say unkind things and get away with them.
They’re also asking you to not make it a problem if you do react how anybody would and should to it. Why is it your fault that they’ve insulted you?
It’s not.
And by the way, it wasn;t even a joke. They’re just so horrible that they pass on real thoughts as poor humor.
#6 “I Only Want What’s Best”
For who? You, or them? There really is only one right answer to that. Narcissistic people want what’s best for them. You are just a person who they can use to help make all of that happen.
Think of a time you were talked out of something you really wanted to do, somewhere you’d love to go.
The narcissist would say, “You know what? I don’t think it’s a good idea. Look at what happened last time you tried this.”
So you don’t do the thing.
And they back it up with wanting to make sure you know they care.
They don’t. They just don’t want you to grow.
#7 “Sorry You Feel That Way”
Sorry for you having feelings? What does that even mean? They want you to feel something else?
What’s the underlying issue that’s making you feel, and why can’t they just talk about that instead?
I’d hazard a guess it’s because they don’t want to open up a world of potential accountability hanging over them, so instead they tell you that your feelings are in some way bad.
They’re not, they’re valid, just like all the other times you feel.
#8 “I Love You”
A hard one, I know.
You want to believe it’s love, and because you hear the words, you assume them to be true, but they aren’t.
A narcissist will swear they love you until they’re blue in the face, but love is not abuse.
It’s not cruelty. It’s not giving the silent treatment, or yelling at you for no reason, or forcing you to get changed because what you’re wearing makes you look too good.
I love you should mean consistency, time, patience, kindness, compassion, compromise.
#9 “You’re So Sensitive”
Is having an opinion on something the narcissist said or did supposed to mean that you’re too sensitive?
Remember that “joke” they made back a few points ago, where you probably felt upset, offended or hurt?
Were you too sensitive then? Are you supposed to toughen up to their abuse so you don’t show anything at all?
No. You’re actually supposed to leave.
