When you have a narcissistic mother, you will often find yourself hearing things falling out of her toxic mouth that have a deeper meaning to them.
A good meaning? No, that would be impossible.
These 9 things can be translated into a more easy-to-understand way, and although they may not be easy to digest, it’s good to know what your mom really thinks when she says them.
Only then can you start to unravel just how cruel she is.
#1 “I can’t wait for you to have kids so you finally understand what you put me through all this time”
What a horrible way for your own mom to tell you how much she hated being a mother.
I can’t fathom how anybody could say something so cruel and cold-hearted until I realize we are actually talking about narcissists here.
When a person comes to me with extensive experience of being the child of a narcissist, I have to say the one thing to them that they forget:
Anybody can become a parent.
The free will of the world does not work in the favor of all children, and sadly, that might be the category you fall into.
A mother is the one person that is globally associated with being the carer, the nurturer, the human hug, the tower of support.
Narcissistic mothers tick none of these boxes, and hearing this makes you feel like you were nothing but a burden to her your whole life.
She spent years putting you first, and holds you against that.
That’s not a ‘you’ problem, but it takes time to really know that.
#2 “I do so much for you and get nothing in return”
You did not ask to be born into this world, yet you are treated like you demanded to be here.
It’s a parents job to provide for their kids. Everything from love, support, advice, encouragement, and yes, even money.
What are you supposed to provide in return other than the reality that you are theirs, and they are responsible for you?
Conditional love is a toxic way of telling somebody that they’re only worthy of love if they act a certain way.
That’s just not how love between a mother and child operates.
Children offer so much in return for loving them, but if none of that looks to improve or inflate the image or reputation of a narcissistic mother, then it simply doesn’t count.
#3 “You call this a hobby?”
Translate time:
I wish I could let go and be vulnerable enough to have a hobby that I work at. I wish I could do something so openly without fear of judgment or making mistakes.
And because you are doing this so brazenly, I am going to ruin this thing you call a hobby so that you become just like me; a person who has nothing.
Your hobbies are a way of expressing yourself. You like to enjoy and explore what the world has to offer, and you do so unapologetically.
Your narcissistic mother is jealous of that, and you. Saying this is her way of chipping away another part of you that found joy.
#4 “Alright, calm down. You’re far too emotional”
Parents are there to provide a safe place for their children to explore all emotions.
And yes, at times, that might not look picture perfect, but that’s because all emotions exist and are valid.
It is known that narcissistic moms will say this when they are uncomfortable with your emotions.
Whether you’re too happy, too sad, too excited, too scared; if it’s too much of anything it will become a problem for them.
She only knows how to handle her own extremes, not yours. She doesn’t want to. It involves honest conversations and listening to you when you’re in that place.
Impossible for her.
#5 “What I say, goes”
And they love that they can gather that kind of control, right? Narcissistic moms love it when their kids are small, because they’re easier to manipulate. These kinds of comments don’t fly the older they get, though.
When you can start to think for yourself and realize the depths of their abuse, it’s enlightening and empowering to stand up for yourself and understand that the rules of a narcissist don’t necessarily mean the rules are healthy or for your own good.
#6 “While you’re living under my roof…”
This comment drives me crazy. Let’s translate it! What we are looking at is essentially:
I am in charge of the house, and you live in the house, therefore, I am in charge of you.
It’s hard to break down those walls because your narcissistic mom will make you feel totally powerless with this approach.
Imagine having to resort to bribery to gain a little respect…
I for one think it’s pretty sad that any narcissist can make their kid feel like that in their own home.
It’s one of the biggest reasons why kids who have narcissistic moms never really feel like their home is their home.
If you’re afraid to say or do the wrong thing for fear of being accused of falling out of line – that’s no life at all.
#7 “How dare you”
I’ve heard of this one a lot. It’s almost delivered with a gasp, or such a low tone that you know it’s being accompanied with the usual, predictable rage.
As far as your narcissistic mom is concerned, you’ve defied her in some way.
You have stuck up for yourself, defended what’s right, and most importantly, had the courage to do so.
For her, this is unacceptable. How dare you think you can butt heads with somebody so hyperfocused on being in control?
Still, you did, and this phrase translates to how shocked she is at your audacity.
I say good for you!
#8 “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
If there was ever a reminder that you are messing with a figure of authority, but not in a good way.
Your narcissistic mom wants you to think about which words you pick out for her, and why they matter.
To a point, we should all be respectful, but if we’re being wronged, we each have a perfectly good excuse to let that be known.
And yes, even if that is a parent.
The older you get, the less you’re likely going to be willing to tolerate, but your mom still wants you to obey, always be nice, and never disagree or question her.
Tough cookies, right?
#9 “Stop acting like a child, and I will stop treating you like one”
If there was ever a sad excuse for their pathetic behavior, it comes in phrases like this.
The way your narcissist mom talks to you is not your problem.
She’s making it that way because she wants to wriggle out of accountability for how she treats you, and by telling you that you act like a baby, she’s justifying treating you that way.
The problem isn’t you acting like that baby, though. It never was.
This is projection of the highest form, with your toxic mom pretending you’re the issue, when in fact, she needs a very large mirror and 20mg of reality!
