Have you ever been with a narcissist and wished you could do certain things? I’m afraid to say that you will never be able to fulfill both of those roles.
Narcissists don’t want you doing anything that involves growing, learning or wising up to their abuse.
You will sadly never be allowed to do these 9 things, no matter how much you try.
The reason I want you to know what they are is because I believe every person has the right to them. Knowing them will help reveal your true worth.
#1 Grow
It is the worst nightmare of a narcissist to see you grow into a person who knows your worth, and knows what they want from life.
In fact, the reason narcissists choose their victims is because they know this is one of the first things they can take from them; the ability to be sure of their path and walk it knowing growth is a good thing.
Rather than help anybody grow, they watch in delight as they, instead, shrink smaller and smaller by the day.
#2 Be independent
Independence is something I believe is taught early on in life. I mean the proper way, not the hyperindependence as a trauma response.
True, healthy, independent ways of living means you are quite happy and comfortable in your own skin.
You don’t need to be with anybody to prove your worth. You can make decisions firmly and stick to them.
Maybe you are able to earn your own money and live the kind of life that is just right for you.
You don’t care what anybody else thinks, and you aren’t easily led.
A narcissist will never allow you to be that kind of person. Instead, you will be the kind of person who asks, “How high?” when they ask you to jump.
#3 Have confidence in your abilities
A person who is confident usually walks towards success like it’s the smoothest walk on earth. They’re not afraid to show up for themselves, or ask the questions that others want to know the answers to.
They’re comfortable in their own skin, and they know there’s always a way, even if it means they’ve got to step out of their comfort zone to find out what that looks like.
Confidence helps people see that the sky is the limit. It’s how a person can go from, “I really wish I could try that,” to, “I am doing it and I love it!”
You don’t even have to love something, but the confidence and willingness to try is there.
If you’re that type, narcissists will really wish there was anything they could do to steal it from you.
Whether or not they want it for themselves is another thing, but don’t ever expect to be allowed that freedom of confidence around them. They will see you as a direct threat.
#4 Love them
Love only goes so far, but a narcissist will push you away if you become too much for them. If you try to love them and engage in conversation, they will make excuses and run for the hills.
When it comes to intimacy, that’s another story.
Narcissists usually love what goes on between the sheets, as long as you don’t roll over and start talking about your future together afterward, because that’s where you will see them disappear.
Love them to a point, but true love is suffocating for a person who doesn’t know how to give it back authentically.
#5 Make and smash any goals
Heaven forbid you have something good to aim for. Lord help you if you want to make something of yourself.
And just you wind your neck right in if you think you’re going to be able to reach your target and gain an achievement.
Just who exactly do you think you are?
If you’re in a relationship or under a roof with a narcissist, you will never be granted the breathing space and offered the encouragement to do what you set out to do.
If it makes your heart happy, you will find it ruined within moments of it becoming public knowledge to them.
That’s the thing with goals. You want to share them with the people you love, but in doing so with a narcissist, you’re giving them permission to rain all over them.
Meaning you never reach them.
#6 Enjoy peace
Peace isn’t something we should all be lucky to have, it’s what we should sew into our daily lives without failure.
And I know life can happen and peace can be interrupted or nudged down in your priorities, but it shouldn’t be stolen from you.
Well, this is what narcissists do; they steal. You can’t enjoy even a moment of peace without them interrupting you, and when they’re not doing that, you’re waiting on them to do it.
That’s no way to live your life.
#7 Live in the moment
Living in the moment should be about forgetting the past and not worrying or trying to predict an outcome in the future.
Both of those moments in time we have very little control of, if at all, and so what’s the point?
It’s encouraged by so many wellbeing professionals to live in the moment, but a narcissist will always make that damn near impossible.
Pulling up events of the past to make you feel bad, or giving off bad vibes that ultimately make you fear the future and what will happen is standard practice for them.
You will never be allowed to enjoy the ‘now.’
#8 Look forward to events or holidays
It’s not possible to look forward to something that you subconsciously learn to dread over your time with a narcissist.
From the moods that build as the days near to it, to all the ways the narcissist tries to sabotage your joy; you will not be happy when the day arrives.
It’s what they do, because in their eyes, they hate anything else getting your attention. If it isn’t them, they will destroy it.
#9 Be you
You are to be celebrated, but you’d never know that all the while you surround yourself with anybody toxic.
Intent on sucking the life out of you, you won’t like being yourself because it will be the person who doesn’t do this right, or can’t even begin to do that right either.
The more you try to be you, the more you will be taught that ‘you’ are not appealing, or worthy. So you try to fit into whatever shaped hole they offer you, and it won’t feel authentic.
That’s because you won’t be living in alignment with who you were meant to be, and of course, there’s a lot of pain that comes with that.
Why would any person who claims to love you be so happy for you to just erase your identity like that?
I’ll say the hard thing that you might not want to hear:
It’s because they don’t actually love you. Words don’t matter. It’s how a person acts that will tell you everything you need to know about them.
And on this occasion: what you need to know is that you are dealing with a narcissist.
