The never-ending maze of gaslighting and manipulation that narcissists plant for you can feel like emotional rollercoasters.
I won’t sugarcoat it. It is exhausting. It can last a lifetime if you let it, but over time you can also learn the hard truths that help you stay sane and allow self-protection.
Over time, I’ve learned some hard truths that helped me stay sane and protect myself.
Here are 9 powerful reminders every person tangled up with a narcissist needs to hear.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and lost, here is the lifeline you didn’t know you needed.
#1 Everything they blame you for is. not. your. fault
I want to put this point on a billboard and hang it from the walls of every major town and city all over the world.
Narcissism has nothing to do with you, you just got caught up with the wrong type of person.
It seems so lovely at first when you get to know them, and you don’t assume they’re toxic at all.
It’s only time that proves you’ve got yourself tangled in an abusive situation, and one where you are blamed for literally everything.
It’s not fair, but mostly, it’s not accurate.
Narcissists only blame others so the blame doesn’t fall on them, and I cannot stress that enough.
They think they’re perfect, they live as though they make no mistakes at all, and they will never admit anything they should be apologizing for.
Instead, you’re the bad person. You’re always doing this or that wrong, and you will be reminded every day, in every way about it.
Never believe them.
#2 You’re not the cause
It’s not because of you that the narcissist acts the way they do. They don’t run out of patience because you’re so difficult to deal with or be around.
They don’t yell at you because you don’t know how to act.
It isn’t because of you that toxic blood runs through their veins. Why is it difficult to not think, “This is all because of me. I must be a terrible person.”?
Because they are so good at convincing you that ever since you came into their life, it has changed for the worse.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
#3 You are not crazy
You think you’re imagining things? You can’t recall an event or memory without it feeling somewhat skewed?
Yeah, that’ll be the amazing way the narcissist in your life gaslights you into thinking your reality is somewhat fake or incorrect.
You’re not crazy for feeling like you’re freefalling and losing yourself in a pit of despair.
You’re not crazy for not knowing who is staring back at you in the mirror the one time you dare daze at your reflection.
It’s their abuse that’s made you this way. This is not you.
#4 Your communication is not the problem
Every time you communicate with a narcissist, it all makes sense to them. They know what you’re saying, or trying to say.
They know the point you’re trying to make. The confusion starts when they pretend they don’t, leaving you feeling as though you are struggling to communicate effectively.
Don’t buy into the fake idea that you are incapable, because you’re not.
The only reason they do it is to make you feel that you can’t manage a simple basic thing, when in actual fact, it’s them who can’t manage.
#5 Bringing up the past doesn’t make you negative
When the past is left unresolved, it’s left wide open to try to rectify wherever possible.
This is the same for any situation that hasn’t been dealt with, but where narcissists are concerned, they see you as negative for attempting to ‘drag it all up again.’
For you, you want the conversation you’ve already had a dozen times to little or no avail.
The same problems keep happening, and you think, “Maybe this time I will get through to them. Maybe today is the day it will work.”
It never does, but that doesn’t make you negative for trying. It makes you determined to make something that isn’t working, work.
#6 You are not asking for too much
How can somebody who receives such little be asking for too much? You want fairness and balance.
You want to just be seen and loved. You want an honest and open dialogue, but you don’t get any of it. These aren’t the frills of a relationship, they’re the foundations.
What does the narcissist expect, anyway? For you to just cruise through and be treated below par? It doesn’t work that way all the while you remember your worth.
When your worth does shrink, you will still expect them to show up for you and when they don’t, they blame you for setting unreasonable expectations.
#7 They do that thing that upsets you on purpose
I want to know in the comments what that thing is for you, because I guarantee, as much as you hate it, you fall for it every single time.
They forget about the important things you’ve got going on, they can never seem to find the car keys when you’ve got plans to go out, they wipe the smile from your face with a criticism, they go silent on you for no reason.
It triggers you time and time again, and it can feel like there’s no real way out of getting to that point.
Let me tell you; you are dealing with a narcissist. Those dynamics won’t change, as much as you want to wish them away.
You’ve got to know that if you want these people to stick around in your life, you’d better prepare for this fact because you’re going to need to adjust your expectations accordingly.
I don’t think anybody who upsets you on purpose has the right to know you.
#8 Those inconsistencies? They’re real
Hot and cold, day after day. One minute they love you, the next they’re telling you that nobody else would put up with you.
One day they want to make the plans, the next they tell you they refuse to follow through with them for whatever reason.
These aren’t just blips in your timeline, they are real and painful inconsistencies.
Ask yourself if you deserve any of them, and you’ll probably (hopefully) say no.
If that’s the case, what are you even doing?
#9 They will never change
You will never be good enough, and that will never change. In fact, so much will never change all the while you let them push your boundaries and make you feel like you don’t know yourself any more.
You keep waiting for that lightbulb moment in their mind to go off.
Oh my God. I can’t believe all this time I’ve mistreated you.
I am so sorry.
You can wish and want these words, but they will never be spoken.
It’s probably the most brutal reminder of them all, but if you can accept it, you can avoid wasting the time you waste on narcissists, waiting to see if they have anything kind to offer you in life.
I’ll save you that time and say no, they don’t.
