It’s turkey day! Before you gobble gobble, I want you to think about what this Holiday means to you, and what it means to the narcissist in your life.
The chances are, they mean two different things. For you, it’s a chance to reflect, be thankful, and spend time with family.
For them – with their inner dark cloud and air of toxicity – it’s the perfect opportunity to ruin the entire day. Here are 9 reasons why.
#1 It’s not about them
People wait all year for it. The food, the thanks, the company, the weather, the warmth of family.
All of that? It’s never going to be smaller than the ego of a narcissist, despite what they might think.
Thanksgiving is a Holiday that transports back hundreds of years. It has real meaning, and is rightly celebrated in the US every November.
And that’s the problem.
They think they’re bigger than absolutely everything, and so learn quickly to detest Thanksgiving. If it’s being ruined, it’s being ruined by petulance.
#2 They don’t like you looking forward to the day
…Or anything else for that matter. Your days should be filled with anxiety, misery and uncertainty, with an unhealthy dose of confusion and pain.
Seeing you start to lift your head, drop your shoulders, and feel the joy of Thanksgiving turns them wild with rage.
That’s when they start to really question how to get under your skin and ruin it for you.
They live to see the smile be wiped off your face, and will do what it takes to see you crawl back into that hollow shell of yourself.
#3 They want to watch you have to pretend to be happy
There’s something about you when you have to think fast under pressure that is a real turn on for the narcissist.
Getting their emotional claws into you before they know you have to see family and friends gives them a real ego boost, especially as they know it’s them who is responsible for your sudden and forced shift in mood.
How are you? You seem quiet.
No, I’m fine, just a little tired.
The narcissist smirks. Somebody has noticed you aren’t yourself, but you know better than to reveal the truth.
Without anybody even realizing it, they are ruining your entire Holiday, and there’s not a word you can say about it.
#4 To stop you from liking anything good
Heaven forbid you actually look forward to, or like, anything good. You want to be happy that the Holidays are coming because you like to feel warm and cozy wherever you possibly can.
Now they’re here, you can’t even have that for longer than a few seconds before the narcissist insults you, mocks you, makes you feel worthless, or tells you how much they hate your family.
You aren’t happy any more, and you wish you weren’t even going. The narcissist knows better than to allow you to cancel though, and pushes you to attend, knowing it will give you the world’s worst headache.
It’s like this year on year, with all Holidays, but Thanksgiving is the one where everybody gets together under the concept of gratitude and a good time.
Unfortunately, that good time never really comes for those who have to attend with a narcissist.
And yeah, it’s you who suffers.
#5 To inject dread into future events
Narcissists love to make you dread not just Thanksgiving, but all other events in the future.
That’s why you’ll often find them pulling out the same old tricks on birthdays, and other important occasions, too.
Purposely, you will note the wreck they want you to walk toward over Thanksgiving, and they will be responsible for every part of it.
As you dread spending any more time with them, you will carry that same dread with you moving forward.
Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?
#6 Because they know your family triggers
This is where things can start to get really deep, and I don’t want you to be that surprised. I mean, we are talking about narcissists here.
If you’re taking them to Thanksgiving with you, the chances are you guys are pretty serious. That means they know all about you and your family, too.
Triggers come along with that, and anything you’ve shared with or disclosed to the narcissist will be stored in their toxic minds for when you all get together.
If they’re already a member of your family, the narcissist will without a doubt know the dynamics of the family inside and out, and so the same will sadly apply.
A whole meal or day or event like Thanksgiving can be ruined with just a simple comment or behavioral act that will send you fully triggered and emotional.
The worst part is, it’s truly done on purpose, no matter how much the narcissist will try to apologize or claim they had no idea you felt that way.
Trust me, they did.
#7 They want to do things their way
What? A narcissist wanting things their own way? What a shock!
When it comes to Thanksgiving – the biggest Holiday in the US – narcissists will treat it like a fun playground to cause as much trouble as they possibly can.
For you? It’s hell as you watch them want their own way all of the time.
You find yourself having to make so many sacrifices just to keep them happy, and they still won’t appear to be.
#8 It’s a chance for them to have the last laugh
Wherever possible, the narcissist will have that last laugh. For them, it means creating absolute disaster zones filled with conflict that they find humorous.
As people get emotional, cry and fall apart, they will be fed that pain as fuel, confirming just how deep that personality disorder really runs.
The last laugh is what they set out to achieve, and from the very beginning, that’s what they will aim for.
Thanksgiving is that perfect example of having all the right weather conditions for the perfect storm.
That’s why they take up the opportunity to ruin your Holiday.
#9 They don’t love you
I’ve saved the most brutal ‘til last because I want you to walk away resonating with it. Bury it into your mind and know that unfortunately, it’s the truth:
The narcissist doesn’t love you.
They never have, and they never will, even though they may well tell you different.
It’s important to measure the love a person has for you not in their words, but in their actions. How do they treat you? How do they treat your family, or even their family?
If you can face these truths, you will be able to face the reality that you are never going to get the love you want from the narcissist.
If they did love you, they wouldn’t treat you half as badly as they do. Not even close, in fact.
Anybody who walks into one of the biggest and most love-filled Holiday with you intent on ruining it has to be very low down on the emotional scale, and admitting that to yourself will be the first step to healing from them.
